One Step At A Time

Welcome To The Beginning Of The End, 2012

2012-01-04T14:22:00.002-05:00

So I got 2 Bs, 2 Cs, and 1 D this past semester which is not the best but its not the worst I've done. In fact, I'm kind of happy with them because I did try this semester and it's been a lot better than what I've done recently. But anyways I h have nearly all my books for next semester and all I really have left to do is get a new computer before I go back. Man I've had the best last like....20ish days straight with Charles :) <3 I really love this boy :D I dont know how we havent gotten bored with each other yet but I'm the not complaining :P I'm home for the next two days and then he is coming up for the weekend. So New Year's Resolutions and all that jazz yeah um this year I don't know what I want to be my resolutions besides to do better in classes and also to start working out often so I can lose weight and also get some good stress relief. So my weekly plan
Monday/Wednesday/Friday
Breakfast 10am
Bus 10:20am
Gemmell till about 10:50
Math 11-1150
Social Psych 12-1250
Rec Center 1-245
then comes bus at 250 back to reinhard followed by shower, then sticking in something for dinner if it needs baked for an hour and then cracking down on homework/studying. Wednesdays are also APO meeting nights at 8. I dont know yet whether I'm going associate in APO....but depending on what happens with TBS I'm honestly probably going inactive. We'll see I guess.

Tuesdays and Thursday
930-1045 Research Methods
11-1215 Beginning Creative Writing
Tuesdays after writing I'll probably hit the library or gemmell till 150 then go to my research methods lab from 2-430 then go back to the apartment for dinner. Thursdays I'll probably go to the library/gemmell/gym depending on what I feel for the day.

Weekends I hope to catch up on sleep as well as study. Do what ever service/fellowship stuff for APO or TBS and clean as well. Most weekends when the weather will be okay I'm going to try and be home so I can visit charles. :)

Part 1: Searching for An Answer

2011-10-25T15:36:00.003-04:00

Standing on the shore line of the lake, she waits for an answer,
For anything just to make the pain go away.
Even though someone is there to occupy the space,
She still can’t feel that it is completely filled.
Searching doesn’t help, and who finds her isn’t working either,
So what can she do now?
The lies and cheating has hurt one already,
And she swore she’d never let it happen again.
Every problem she caused backfired,
Leaving her with terrible thoughts of how they can be fixed.
The empty bottles on the floor and blood stains on the sheets
Had proven that she wasn’t as strong as she thought she was.
One after another, the coping mechanisms she tried didn’t make an effort,
Leaving her with one thought, and that only one thing could work after all.
Eventually she would just give up altogether,
And say goodbye to all that was, and all that will never be.
The battle scars on her body showed, though, that she could do this,
So she continues to hold on just one more day, hoping for the best.

Part 2: Finding the Answer

2011-10-25T15:36:00.001-04:00

But one hot summer afternoon in the middle of the woods,
An answer came to her in human form.
A young boy who then was searching for a way out too,
Had walked right into her life unannounced, taking her by surprise.
She’d never expected someone like him to be able to help her,
And from her perspective, he needed guidance and renewal somewhere as well.
People often need a way and a place to start over,
And somehow they both found a way to do just that together.
Finally, and without knowing at first, she’d found something so special,
This was something she’d been waiting forever for.
The soft, sweet voice he used only around her made her smile,
Filling the core of her soul with warmth and wanting.
He took half her heart and melted it, and molded with her other shattered half,
Making everything complete again.
The lightning storm that had finally brought them together was priceless,
And this had formed a memory that neither of them would ever forget.
Now, minus a few rough spots, she couldn’t be happier,
And honestly wouldn’t have things with him any other way.

CyberBully

2011-10-24T17:53:00.003-04:00

I remembered seeing this movie called Cyber Bully that would be premiering on ABC Family one night and wanted to watch it because of some of the actresses in it, but missed it due to being at camp I think. This weekend I'd seen that it had been available to watch online on Netflix so I've been watching it for the last hour-ish or so, and parts of this movie literally moved me to tears. I really did forget how awful fighting with people online could be, and how terrible harassment could get online. In the movie it was enough to almost kill a girl, which was shocking to me. I’m working on watching the last section of it(the internet in my room at the apt really sucks so internet likes to fail a lot:\) while working on my post as well as maybe other writing. I haven’t written anything poem-wise in a long time, so maybe tonight an idea will come up and I can manage something. If I do, I’ll make sure to post it.
So anyways, I suppose now is time for the actual update. Although I can’t write a post for every single thing that’s happened especially on weekends (though the memories will last forever!), I can make sure that I keep at least a LITTLE bit more up-to-date on everything from here on out. I don’t know why I haven’t updated recently, and I guess my laziness did the most part of not wanting to type everything up. So here goes...

This past weekend was pretty amazing. I couldnt even begin to describe how even some of the most boring things could be good still :P Friday after class I drove down to Greene County to see Charles. We hung out at his place for like an hour-ish and then went back towards my house. We stopped at Max n' Ermas for dinner and then went to Bethel Park High School to watch the game. I definitely realized how much I missed high school marching band. Actually to be honest, I really just miss band...playing mostly. I havent picked up my flute since April 1st when I put it away after the choir concert before jetting off to Ohio. I dont miss the stress of music classes, but I miss music. I mean sure I listen to it and talk about it, but I havent played piano since the one time this summer that I was bored and I showed charles how to play that Dreams song we played in piano class 2 all the time :P ANYWAYS so Bethel band kicked ass...but the football team got their asses kicked lol. so after halftime we ducked out and went home to see my parents real fast and then went to Hundred Acre Manor in South Park for fun :) We waited in line forever but it was totally worth it cause even though Charles made jokes the whole time he jumped a little and I got spooked a lot :P Then we went back to my house and hung out till saturday afternoon-ish. we went to the food court at the mall for lunch and then went up to Erie. We went to the peninsula and then for a walk on the park path where the beach is. Then we went to the S&S Super Buffet for Chinese/Sushi which was fun except for I realize I didnt like steamed clam shells...YUCK! haha. But then we went down to Custaloga Town for their haunted hayrides. It was more of a "scare children" type of thing, and a guided camp tour for Charles:P We went back to the apartment after that and watched movies and such. sunday we slept in forever and then got ready to go back to southern PA lol. We went to County Seat for lunch and I got my butt kicked by an amazing salad:P Charles got his ass kicked by it last time but finished it this time haha. Then we went back to the apartment so I could get some stuff ready for a poster I had to do later in the evening and ended up spending a while there talking. Finally we left, stopped at shop and save down by his house to pick up pasta and sauce to have spaghetti for dinner. I did my homework and then we cuddled all night <3
I miss him. Seeing him only weekends is great but at the same time sucks cause I wish it could be every day :\ This weekend we’re going to Kennywood for Fright Night :D I’m pretty pumped :P Also I’m excited for Friday in general cause its our 3-month and I get to see him ^_^ That’s all for now…I’ll do my school update when I feel like typing more! Haha. Toodles!

Alkaline Trio

2011-09-01T19:40:00.002-04:00

I've been listening to Alkaline Trio, the Misfits, Escape The Fate, A Day To Remember, Bad Religion, and a lot of other new stuff recently. Well, new to me at least. I got introduced to all of this over the summer at camp from the people I hung out with all the time and I'm slowly getting used to it/enjoying it. I literally created a new Pandora account just for all this new stuff so I could expand my knowledge of the songs and stuff. It's been nice so far :)

School is interesting. Living in Reinhard so far has been pretty awesome. Kinda lonely sometimes cause everyone's in their rooms doing homework(facebook, etc) all the time so there's not a lot of hanging out and talking. I think Sarah and I are the ones who hang out the most, but that's also kind of to be expected. Anyways, it's interesting having to legit remember to go back and eat. I never want to spend time in Gemmell anymore anyways...things are just as uneventful there. At least here I can sit and listen to music and work on stuff.

Classes so far are so-so. This definitely is going to be a challenging semester because its more studying than I've ever done before(being that its not just practicing/studying for music stuff). So here's my initial impression from the first week of classes(even though I have three left before my week is over...):

Psych Statistics-I was so scared coming into this class because of hearing Kenzi say how much everyone struggles with it. Also Shane failed it last semester and he's definitely much smarter than I am, but I realized a lot when I sat and thought about it. Shane started not doing as well when he stopped doing homework("practice problems"...you can turn it in for points or just not do it) So therefore Shane not doing work means it wont get checked and he cant see what he's doing wrong or ask for help. I know for sure I'll be going to Vilberg once we start the more advanced math portion of this. He seems okay with everyone coming to visit him.

Stats Lab-where we get to do extra math and stuff hahahaha

Natural Disasters-First conversation we had in this class was the ridiculous price of the textbook. Vega said "if its $132 you better be sleeping with it. That's worth WAY more than just dinner and a movie". Needless to say I think I'm going to LOVE this course. Wednesday we finished talking about the Scientific Method and moved to just randomly discussing Darwin for the last bit of class.(which is a concept connection to Developmental psych cause thats what we talked about this morning!) haha. But I find interest in Science when it's something like this, so hopefully the class won't be bad. I have a LOT of reading to do for this.

Health Ed-Well I was almost okay with this class till Truitt-Bean fucking split it in half and when we found this out Dylan definitely grabbed on to me and was like NOOOOOO. So then before his half-ish of the class left i got a hug and a kiss on the top of the head and he said bye bestie and then Mandaville got all sad cause his Big was leaving :\ Jess came in all upset about walking all the way to Hart from Becker and then had to turn around and go back. I guess it won't be too bad. Definitely gonna start bringing my laptop though for class so I wont be AS bored.

Writing-Third times a charm? Haha...it better be with this class. The professor isnt making us write stuff on his own work, and the professor isnt Mahmoud....so basically I win this time lol. It seems pretty good so far and our daily writing journals are pretty sweet.

Developmental Psychology-Dr. Jolley=love. She's kinda loopy in a good way so its awesome. I have a crap ton of extra studying to do. We had three study option plan things and I chose the dedicated one which was the lowest one. Have to take 12 extra online quizzes along with the 'Good' students. The 'Independent' students pretty much just have to show up for class and do the clicker stuff there and also take three exams. But with the online quizzes also comes with these special homework assignments turning in notecards and things with info from the book but it means i have what i need to keep up with studying which works for me. I'm buckling down a lot this semester and its worked fairly well so far.

Human Sexuality-this class was too boring the first day. and today the group activity was okay and I took book notes the rest of the time. I cant listen to Dr Ashcraft speak...I really cant. That class will bore me to death. So book studying during class...reading powerpoints outside of class. Should be the opposite but o well.

Practical Magic

2011-08-17T23:39:00.002-04:00

So camps over...not sure whether to be happy or sad about that. I'm definitely glad that the stress of camp is gone. Also that I dont have to deal with stupid people anymore. I love the camp itself...and I kinda miss teaching. However, there is one thing that I will miss the most, and thats those oh so amazing summer nights :) After all our evening activities are over me Charles and either dan/joe/luke or combination of them would always walk out to the special activities field and just lay in the grass and look at the sky. Also we'd walk down the path to the chapel and walk behind it and sit on the rocks overlooking the lake and we'd watch the sun set and then stay there till all the stars were out and visible :D its been one hell of a summer. I miss the crazy campfires...even if there were the same opening and closing skits/songs. I definitely miss the lake...so peaceful and amazing. But I miss my boy.....a lot. And I still see him fairly often...but it still never seems like its enough. I told him I already felt like some love-obsessed clingy gf and he told me i wasnt. He gets offered to go to shows and parties and stuff but still skipped out on the later evening stuff like last night just to let me stay with him. I worry about him....not a lot...but its still there. His past isnt the greatest either and I find out more and more about him all the time and how he makes it through everything ill never know. But he has me now, and seems fairly happy :)

Some Hearts Get Lucky Sometimes

2011-07-30T18:31:00.002-04:00

Sooo...I only have today to update so I dont thnk I'll be able to give full details on..like...anything. I gave up on my camp school posts and things.

Basically camp/summer is so-so.

Positives
-Teaching-Even though half the campers are ridiculous and misbehaved and have worse ADHD than me, I do really enjoy teaching merit badges.
-Monday Nights-I go off reservation with Charles and Luke and we go to Walmart and we go out to eat:) Most of the time we stop at the overlook too to watch the sunset and its amazing =]
-iPod Touch...I just got it today and I'm super excited cause it means I dont have to steal Charles' iPhone anymore to play games:P
-Geocaching-I love teaching this merit badge mainly cause its so much fun going Geocaching in Ohiopyle on Fridays
-Other evenings off-We go to the chapel or special activities field to watch the sunset and stargaze and sit and just be away from everything.
-My Scoutcraft Staff-Walter and Jeff I dont talk to much. Jeff and I dont really get along well. Bob Eichler is such a freakin hipster but he and I have ink wars during Geocaching which is always entertaining. And then there's charles...:)

Charles came down to visit week one cause he thought some staff from last year was still there(they werent obviously) but he sat and talked to me for a good 45 minutes or so about the area and stuff and then went up to the office, gave Kramer his rules...Kramer gave him a contract and by the time I got up to the program hall, he had a job workin for me:) Since then...I kid you not...we've spent all but maybe 5 nights hanging out together the entire summer. He is honestly pretty much my new camp best friend(considering mike and i arent around each other enough to hang out anymore) :] If I ever get over my needle fear, he said he'd go with me to get my first tattoo(a rose) so im kinda okay with that :D He got me into some new music and stuff to so we'll see how that goes. I now am beginning to listen to From First To Last, Escape the Fate, Coheed and Cambria, Wiz Kahlifa(sp?) and some others. its pretty sweet.

Dan Eichler(bobs brother) is a lot of fun too. He switched from Aquatics to Commissioner and he's in a lot better mood now. He's a sweet kid. The Eichlers both are in Campus Life so we have some interesting stuff to talk about.

Luke is my favorite asian in the whole world:P He's absolutely hilarious and makes his own racist jokes hahahaha.

Negatives
-Those campers...sheesh. the misbehaved ones are too annoying sometimes
-Cause me to form a new habit we wont talk about here...
-Some of the staff are too ridiculous and dramatic and I can't stand over half of them.
-Sam...I feel kinda bad for Sam. The two of us hit it off so quickly cause he was so much like Mike Schaefer but once he developed a crush it kinda went downhill. we're still friends, but not as close.
-Being away from frankie kinda had my feelings lose themselves which sucks but doesnt. Sucks cause we're basically broken up. Hopefully once the school year starts we can see how much we're still friends and what happens from there.

oh! So in even more recent news, hopefully I'll be getting a part-time job doing Girl Scout stuff at various schools/community centers around the clarion area for at least the first 8 weeks of the fall :) 11$/hr would be nice!:D

It's Still Rock and Roll To Me

2011-06-13T23:01:00.004-04:00

I have three posts to work on, BUT....no time. my quick post was my current happiness....quick facts: I'm in orlando florida at universal studios. the one park has a Beetlejuice Rock and Roll Revue show thing. and...at one point Wolfman gets all jealous and junk and starts singing "Jesse's Girl" BUT...directing it towards the Bride of Frankenstein...so he sings "you know I wish that I had Frankie's Girl" :D

Anyways, I texted that to frankie and he said wolfman, etc cant have frankie's girl!:) and then tonight while watching The Glee Project one of the "last chance performers" had to sing Jesse's Girl and once again i told frankie it reminded me of yesterday and he replied "I love Frankie's Girl :)" and yeah <3

off to continue watching charmed with janet, jess, tara, and amy!

Crazy Storms and Interesting Goodbyes

2011-05-27T14:08:00.002-04:00

So wednesday I went up to clarion. I picked jerm up on the way and we dropped my kitchen stuff off at the reinhard apt sarah and i are living in this coming semester. after that, jerm janet and i went to taco bell and then to the fulmer house to look around. then we went back to janets to drop her explorer off and then the three of us went to Custaloga Town to hang out at the rope swing for a little bit. Shane and Kyle soon joined us and then we all went to Cracker Barrel for dinner. On the way back it started storming so bad!!! You could barely see the camp road and it was pouring and kinda scary to be driving in, so Shane said we should all stay at camp for a bit. Well they didnt have keys to the dining hall, and it was locked, so the 5 of us hid out in the mens showerhouse for a bit and listened to country music on the radio. Once the storm died down, Shane and Kyle went to the Octagon(staff lounge) and the rest of us left. I dropped Jeremy off at home and then stayed at Janets.

Yesterday once we woke up, Janet and I went to Sharp Shopper to go see Clark and also to get stuff for lunch. Went back and made mashes potatoes and chicken nuggets and did a really sweet maze-puzzle. Then I left janets and went to see Frankie one last time before camp. That was I believe the best and the hardest visit we've had. I got to his house right behind him(he was coming from work) and he called me and I asked for a hug:P We ended up laying in the grass talking, then went for a walk around the HUGE pond he has...stopping in another set of grass to look at the flowers and stuff and chat. Eventually we figured it was time to keep walking so we went back to the house and he put in Wall-E :D <3 Then I had to leave but the car ended up drifting off the driveway where theres a ditch that runs all the way to the road so frankie used the bobcat to chain to the car and we pulled it back up a bit...and then his dad came home. So I ended up backing up and parking and I stayed there longer. We had dinner and then he kicked my butt at ping-pong:P Then we put in unstoppable and talked for a bit. Broke down once again having to leave:\ But I hope we see each other every once in a while this summer. I told him to let me know if he wanted me to visit anywhere on our day off. :) I love that boy.

Today I went to Eat N Park with Libby and Vickie which was cool. we're planning a kennywood saturday in july when libbys back home for a few weeks and im off for camp. Speaking of...thats what im doin now..packing and getting ready to go to camp. Next weekend I'll try and post all about camp school. I'm super excited and ultra nervous!!

The Real Deal...I Think

2011-05-23T23:52:00.003-04:00

Disclaimer...or whatever warning word I should be using: This is an extremely long post....98% of this is about Frankie, and love, and feelings, and me rambling on about a feeling that I'm not sure I even completely covered. So if you're just here for an update, read that paragraph and be done...I don't blame you for it:P I had trouble starting the more meaningful stuff, but then ended up just typing without thinking of what I'd say.

So I have two things or so for tonight. One is an update, the other kind of goes off of Meghan and Jakes recent posts...because I've wanted to write a similar one, but they beat me to it:P

My update is simply that I had a great weekend, minus one part. one part being a death of my great-aunt...so the funeral sucked. BUT the rest of the weekend was awesome! saturday i went to Amy Fahringer's Gold Award ceremony which was a lot of fun :) Frankie came over and ate dinner with us and then him, me, and my sister went to see Pirates 4 :D then we went to Kings for dessert afterwards. there, my sister got in a foul "everyone is coupled up and im alone" mood so Frankie and I found random things to make her smile..-ish. at the end Frankie asked if I needed my napkin(unused) and i said no and gave it to him. he made a rose out of the napkin and gave it to my sister, which made her entire night <3 Then after that we went home and frankie and i played an NHL ps2 game and then stuck in a movie but didnt really watch it ;) and blah blah blah. but what I wanted to focus on was that napkin rose thing(he ended up making me one too:P) and the fact that i think its the nicest thing that someones done for my sister in quite some time. I legit teared up cause I was so happy he did that for her....and I have to say(and here comes my feelings dump):...

Erich Petsch and I talk like every night...mostly random things...sharing pick-up lines, looking up random things on MemeBase, talking about Scout stuff...but last night we got into a deeper discussion and ended up diving into the wonderful world of feelings, and he wrote a Facebook Note about what love means...and his honestly hit home more than any other one I've seen in a while. So here's what I have to say...

I love Frankie. He said it to me while we were watching a movie one evening(March 30--yes...I remember) and I was so caught off guard(rumor had it that he was gonna ask me out...so thats the MOST id expect to happen was to be asked out) that i wasnt sure if I'd heard right...and he said he loved cookies and i said i ddint believe him, but okay. Then I believe he realized that i legit was just kinda like "wait, what?" and said Moria, I love you so much. And I smiled and hugged him....but i wasnt sure what to say back. So I ended up telling him that I really liked him and definitely wanted to be with him, but I wasnt quite to that level yet, and didn't want to say it without meaning it first. So then that entire week I think I watched so many movies and just took in relationship observations from everyone around me so I could form some kind of..SOMETHING..to figure out what I felt. At one point..couldn't even tell you what was going on...but I realized I had deeper feelings than just like, but they were kinda new I guess, so I didn't know what it was. I called it 'love' hoping I was right...and I was.

I won't tell you what Love is, because everyone's definition is different, usually based off of their experience and observations and stuff. I formed my own little definition, and again Erich hit it right on target, and then my mom told me what kind of person she wants me to find--quick story. mom didnt know i was dating frankie, and was speaking of wanting me to not date anyone to focus on school etc etc..but then she asked after frankie left and i told her--and everything she listed off..I answered to myself which people I've been with/liked have those qualities and stuff. So here's what I've come up with...and no its not based off of ONLY what I have, because some of it hasn't been seen by me personally yet, but I'm hoping it'll get there. And this is entirely personal, so whoever reads this please dont share with anyone unless it's me. I have explanations for things if you come and ask. Occasionally in this, I'll put examples in of what I'm dealing with now...so people understand why I love my boyfriend...

I believe that love honestly is finding someone you can be yourself around. Someone who knows that you often go through more troubles than you want, and that sometimes it can lead to you doing things that really are unacceptable. Frankie doesn't really know all the stories of my past and what all caused the things I do, but he knows that I have a problem with self-infliction. One night at his house, he got all serious and told me two things. One, that he didnt want me to cut anymore.(in which i gave him this "I'll need to explain something" look and two, that he didnt want me to get into something that I'll break off from. Anotherwards, not to date him if I didn't really want to/think we should. So I explained to him the reason for infliction and stuff and I was really upset and he said "if you do it, it's okay...but dont do it" which basically meant if it happens i have to tell him, and better have good reason. and i showed him ones i had done a few nights beforehand and i asked them if they scared him and he started tearing up and said yea...and then he grabbed my arm and said THIS...hurts ME. and i broke down. Then we looked at each other and i told him for two, i had no reason to not be with him. And honestly, I don't.

So there's that whole being yourself thing..its a little different than others would usually explain, but thats a serious part of my life. Yes I can be super silly around him. We both bring out the kid in each other, and also can be serious and mature at the same time. But I think there's more to it than I was used to. When I watch movies with him, I end up staring at him most of the time. Yes, that probably sounds creepy, but I love it. And he turns to look at me and we both end up grinning from ear to ear, and still just lay there looking into each others eyes for what seems like minutes at a time until my ADHD kicks in and i have to talk:P We look at each other like that all the time. and when we take walks and stuff down the street at some point he starts running a little and then spins me around and we do that multiple times down the street and people always look when they pass by, but its not weird:P

Love is someone who you dont have to be with every minute of every day, but wouldn't mind it either :) Someone who will come into the guest room to wake you up for the day, see that you're already awake, and start a pillow fight:P A person you can feel so comfortable around and secure, knowing they have no intentions of hurting you. A guy who has a hug so amazing that you don't ever want to let go. And I know its good to tell them everything and not hide anything, etc...but honestly in my case, if I'm going through a lot of problems especially with drama...I dont want to sit and share all of it. When I'm with my guy, I want to be able to sit and forget the negatives and just....BE. To just chill and live and share some of what is going on, but be able to enjoy the company, because I feel SO happy when I'm with him.

I want...well..I HAVE...a boy who I've told some things I've never done and want to do, and he actually has made some of them happen. Someone who seems to genuinely care about my hopes and dreams and stuff and tries to let it be real for me. I'd never ridden a 4-wheeler before and had always wanted to try it and since he had one, not only did he take me through fields and woods and stuff on it, but he taught me how to DRIVE it!:) And another thing, it was random...we weren't even dating yet, but one night on the way to an Order of the Arrow dinner, we kinda went though random conversations about having small/large families, and also I had a discussion with him on my religious background..which isnt much. On my little bucket list is to go to church...I want to go to a protestant service and a catholic mass. As we left Wolfgangs(the three of us and sarah were watching a movie) the night before easter, wolfgang asked what time they needed to be at frankies the next day and frankie mentioned after church was over because we might go. We didnt end up going, but thats alright. We also walked around clarion one day and on the way back to campus on Wood st he said we needed to stop real fast, and we went up the stairs to a church. He's trying...which I think is amazing. <3

I promise I'm not going to scare the poor boy into too much thinking of the future, but something odd happened the other night when he was here. Small comment so you'll understand whats next...I swear I have an iPod built into my head...because random songs that fit certain situations pop into my head and I love it most of the time:P SO....We were sitting on my bed while Avatar was on and I could see the reflection of the tv from his eyes and it looked cool but anyways!...we did our staring thing and he leaned forward and kissed me and all of a sudden the Glee version of "Marry You" came into my head out of nowhere and it caught me off guard and I must have started laughing or something because he asked me what was going through my head and I simply told him "a Glee song...it happens sometimes" and I told him it was a secret. I was kinda weirded out but not really. It's a cute song...and I'm not saying I do/don't want to marry him...it's just not something I'm focusing on anytime soon. But I really do just absolutely love this boy. My parents even like him, which is weird for them. They like finding flaws and things they dont like and stuff but in the short amount of time(pizza dinner...lol) they spent with him, they thought he was nice. I even told them about the rose thing he did for my sister and I mustve been smiling the whole time because my mom kinda gave me a "wow you really like him" look. I honestly...don't think I'd have any problem being with him for a lengthly amount of time :P He's sort of.....everything I'd wanted...and then some. And I never even realized it last fall when I started really getting to know him. He was just someone fun in that camp circle to hang out with. I even sat on his lap in Clarks car on the way to the RRR Roadhouse for wings every so often, and thought nothing of it. He's an interesting character. He's so much fun to watch, again in a not creepy way haha. But like its so much fun to sit with him and watch him push his dog around the kitchen floor..it looks so mean but Lloyd just loves the attention. And him and his mom joke around with each other and he still goes up to her and hugs her and tells her he loves her..and its adorable. He even told his mom the only kind of eggs I eat are scrambled, so when she made breakfast for us, she made me a scrambled egg and him a fried egg. It was so nice of her to do that(apparently I'm special...cause she never makes him breakfast :P) and it was just amazing at the random little things he remembers. AND we both hate spiders and clowns...so we're never going to have a problem with that while together(was quite hard thinking of the future with shane having a tarantula in his bedroom..blek). and I feel like I'm just rambling now about everything...but I guess thats a good thing? Every time I think about him, or see his little icon when he signs online, or someone says his name, I can't help but smile. The two of us had a huge problem(as if its really a problem) with that when we started really hanging out and watching movies and stuff haha...he kept grinning and I told him to stop smiling and he said he couldnt help it, which just made me smile more:) yes of course he jokes and says my face just looks so funny and thats why he smiles and laughs....the goober:P <3 I even smile as I type this...I love feeling this way so much. I honestly haven't felt like this before. Everything thats past doesnt matter anymore..he even said that. He said the past is past..what happens now is what matters. So I told him that now(this was back mid-spring semester btw) I wanted to be a better person, and that I wanted to be with him. I said I was sorry for making mistakes, whether I regretted parts of it or not..but I wanted to be able to move on. And I did.

I miss Frankie. I just saw him too. I started missing him before he even LEFT. I just love being around him, and we both comment that we wish there was more time to spend together. This summer is going to be a challenge for both of us. He kinda hinted that me having a camp job sucked...because we both only end up having Saturdays off. So rather than me visiting whatever evening for a few hours, thats the only day I'd be able to see him. And he's already worked on summer plans with other staff members because they go to each other's houses and stuff to get a break from CTSR. He invited me to everything ahead of time, but I honestly probably won't go to them often, though I'd want to. I'll hopefully make time to see everyone this summer! I think the biggest reason I want fall to start so bad is so I can see him more. Not all the time, just more. Him pretty much just living at home in Mercer due to work is wonderful and I'm glad he made a bunch of money and stuff, but him not being around sucked, for me and his friends in Clarion. I can't wait to see him again.

I love that he and I have moved way farther than just being friends who knew each other because of shane and clark and those camp people...we've moved to a level that I've never been at before. I love seeing him, being with him. I love his hugs, holding hands, his kisses, and even the weird thing he does where he brushes his nose against my cheek, cause after I pointed it out once, he and I laugh any other time he does it and realizes it:P I love talking about everything, and about nothing. I have a blast "watching" movies, forcing him to see the Notebook, the fact that we STILL can't get through Despicable Me without ending up just kissing/talking/staring/forgetting a movie is on. I think its the bestest thing ever on the days that we don't really talk a whole lot that he still texts me goodnight, just because he wants to:)

I love(even though I pretend not to:P) the raspberry he tries to give me on my neck all the time and I push him away but end up letting him anyways cause I laugh my head off and it just makes him happy:P He loves his Loser, and I love my Jerk <3 I love that our relationship isnt based off of only physical stuff...that even though 9 times out of 10 we end up laying and watching a movie and kissing and stuff, but we always do something else too like go eat or see a movie or walk around town or to a boat launch and lay on the docks and just watch people kayak down the river as the sun is getting ready to set. We both show/admit a small piece of how much we hate parting from each other, and that we don't want to leave...I even tear up, and I've seen him get darn close a few times.

There's so many quotes I could put in here. The teen ones about find a guy who...blah blah blah calls you beautiful instead of hot yada yada, the movie ones from the notebook or moulin rouge. Even perhaps those "find someone who still makes you weak at the knees when he walks in a room, and vice versa for you" ones. They're all in my thoughts if not in this LONG description. All those cute song lyrics play in my head..sometimes I even sing them aloud out of nowhere:P Love's that kind of thing that makes you want to tell the whole world just how fantastic that one person is. The person who, if you were crafted enough to do so, you could write endless amounts of poems or songs about. The kind of person who when you DO hear that silly love song on the radio or read a quote on someone's Facebook status about friendship/relationships/etc that you'd be like wow...thats totally how I feel with them(all in a good way of course). The person who makes you so happy you just want to run around their backyard laughing and spinning in circles and dancing just because you have no other way to express that ridiculous amount of energy you have around them. For me, its finding a guy who when you ask why they like you so much, doesnt say the norm of smart, funny, pretty, etc...but rather mentions how awesome it is that you put others before yourself, or that you are a strong person, and a good friend to people, and a genuine person. A guy who says they really can't explain it, that it's just your aura that makes them so amazed by the things you do. Someone who..idk how to explain this...doesnt have to be that missing puzzle piece, or the person that makes you whole...but more the person who helps you make yourself whole. He helps you to find yourself, and who is by your side as much as possible when you're going through a rough time, even if they aren't really sure what to say or how to handle it. And I do my best to help the poor soul not have to worry about me and have to help bring me out of a depression, because him just talking to me already does that. He makes me feel so much better, and makes me feel like there's hope for me afterall...that maybe I dont have to live with these...disorders...these mental diseases...he brings out the best in me. Who I WANT to be...is who I am when I'm with him. The girl who struggles but doesn't let her problems overcome who she is and causes terrible things to come of it. Even now there's still baggage I'm carrying, things I still get so upset over that I cant change, along with recent sadface events...but I still feel so good. So...happy and alive and not worried.

But most of all, in closing to this HUGE post, I love...that I think I've realized that yes I've loved before, and yes I've been IN love before, and I'll never say that this is the first I've been truly in love or anything. But this IS..indeed...the highest level of it that I've.. achieved? or rather...been privileged to experience <3 There's probably pages more of information I could say, but I think this will do for the moment...and it's probably the most I've said about anyone in this type of way ever. It's amazing. :)

I love that I have found someone whom I love with every fiber of my being, and that he's 100%....mine :)

It's Criminal What Women Will Do. What they're forgetting, is this is 1922!

2011-05-19T00:51:00.003-04:00

welp, here i am behind again haha. summer hasnt been too terribly exciting or boring.
Had an interview with the Boy Scouts for work at Heritage Scout Reservation. Got that job :) I'm going to camp school in North Carolina next friday for about a week for Outdoor Skills. Thatll train me up to be ready to be the Scoutcraft Area Director at Camp Liberty at HSR :D super excited for that. Just as excited already for the Saturdays we have off so i can go home and see family/friends and also travel north to visit people :D hopefully one saturday ill be able to pick meghan up to go get amanda and we spend the day around there somewhere:P

I got to go up to Cranberry for a District Roundtable meeting for BSA. after that Herb Janet Clark and I got food at Sheetz and then hung out at Herbs for a while. I dropped Janet off at home and went to Frankies after that. I forced him to watch The Notebook and hid from him while i cried at the end. Then he put in another movie i think..i cant remember cause if he did, we talked through the whole thing haha. Then went to sleep. In the morning his mommy woke me up for my keys so my car could be moved so she could get hers out. I was awake after that and was gonna go fill out BSA paperwork when frankie came in and threw his pillow at me :P then he jumped on the bed i was sleeping in and said it was his so i called Dibs on his bed and yeah...we pretty much were legit throwing each other almost off his bed.haha. then we ate breakfast and then walked around his pond for a bit. i got scared by a goose or somethin cause i almost walked into it but turned around to pet his dog and he told me there was a goose so i turned around as Lloyd(the dog) walked towards it. the goose hissed at him:P Anyways, then we went and saw the goats and said hi to his mom. then we climbed onto a 4-wheeler and rode that through fields and then woods and into another open field. from there he got off the bike and was like okay your turn! so i learned how to drive a 4-wheeler =D <3

hung out with andrea one day. we went to the strip district downtown to meet up with Zerbe and his mom. we all ate pizza together. andrea and i went to kohls afterwards. the other night her me and virginia went to the mall and walked around for a bit. next day the three of us had a fun playground photo shoot :D yesterday i just kinda slummed it around the house lol. today i have to clean a bunch cause...

frankies coming to pittsburgh!! he kept saying he wish he could visit but cause of work it wouldnt be for very long and i told him i loved driving so making the trips to see him wasnt a problem. but he said he wanted to come down. so after Amy Fahringers Gold Award Ceremony saturday, frankies comin down and the two of us are going to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie together :) <3

I got to help clark work through picking a song to audition with for his summer music theatre stuff in Knox...so I've been on a musical kick all night :D The title's from Thoroughly Modern Millie. well back to cleaning before sleep. byeas!

Nature's Grace

2011-05-03T00:43:00.002-04:00

She is running, down the hills and through the woods,
Farther and farther away from society.
Occasionally she looked over her shoulder just to see,
To make sure no one would follow her there.
Climbing over branches of fallen trees and hopping over rocks,
She makes her way to her usual spot.
Once she gets to the bottom and through the trees,
She stopped and looked at the river.
While watching the current move swiftly along,
A few flower petals could be seen drifting in the water.
They were so vibrant and colorful against their dark blue canvas,
And they all drifted together, never separating from one another.
She watched the trees sway back and forth in the wind,
And the birds fly overhead on their way home.
Closing her eyes she waited silently,
Listening in to everything that had surrounded her.
She could hear animals moving around, the sticks crackling behind her,
Also the whistling as the wind passed through the trees.
Breathing in, she could smell the fresh air, also the water,
The scent calming her empty soul, making her feel more at ease.
For this was why she came here so often,
It was a serene relaxing place she could escape to.
The beauty of the earth all around her
Made this one of her favorite places in the world

~Moria Ambrose
February 23, 2011

Yes i wrote it forever ago and didn't finish typing it until today. It's been on my list of things to do for quite some time now haha :) I'm being extra productive tonight for some reason.

So, I love my boyfriend by the way <3 Last night he send me a funny ringtone/sound thing and it just made me grin from ear to ear :D He makes me feel a lot better :]

Geocaching and all that jazz!

2011-05-02T23:58:00.002-04:00

SO! no time once again to catch up with everything haha. also no negatives in this post i promise! anything bad that happened is over and fixed-ish for now so im leavin it out!

Friday I went to see Anything Goes with Wolfgang, Sarah, and Frankie :P then we went to eat n park afterwards so I could see my bestie from home, Libby Vargo:D and also the Zoom family dinner was there so we got to see all them! then frankie and i went back to my room and did puzzles and slept and such.

Saturday-Im sad I missed Zack Morgo's project, but at the same time I'm glad I didn't deal with the small amounts of drama that happened cause I feel the rest of the weekend wouldn't have gone as well...ish. I went on a pontoon boat with shane wolfgang and sarah though. then eventually we picked up meagan, morgo, (cody) scicluna, and frankie :D that was a good time. then after that i went with that lot^ (meg through frank) to KFC and to look at Morgo's project, and then we went to two different campfires, just enjoyin riding around and stuff. After that, me and cody had a random talk while frankie and meg were talking. kyle came home like a minute into it and plopped on the couch so the three of us chilled. then frank came over and layed with me and kyle meg n scicluna went into the other room to talk so frankie could sleep. kyle took me home at like 8am haha

Sunday-orchestra concert, alumni ceremony, then chillin with schmanda :D

Today was good. I enjoyed classes and lunch(es) and then geocaching at the trestle with kristen shane and clark. we went out for wings after and also to Aldi's to get stuff for the fellowship event. Campfire!!:D kristen shane clark jerm and i ended up geocaching in the area again which was great!! then kristen and i went to find another but it got too dark so we found a road and shane came and saved us :P i gave him free coffee for that haha.

Finals week coming..dun dun DUHHHH :P im super nervous and scared and probably gonna have a panic attack soon but for right now im just like screw it...im changing majors for a reason, im done with this shit. better off doin somethin that interests me right now and that i seem to be decent at than struggle to like music again enough to care about the classes..just sayin. cant wait to just go home for the summer...like seriously...

anywho! fun stuffs coming up this week hopefully! also I get to have the lovely task of going through the 40 merit badges herb picked out for the Merit Badge University thing in the fall and I get to look at all the requirements and narrow it down more. ME! the one with scout experience but not much leadership craziness. hopefully this will run smoothly :D im hoping i get the job at scout camp this summer and can tie in all that experience :)

I'm not even bothering making everything up haha

2011-04-21T20:40:00.003-04:00

Too much has happened to make up all of whats happened. So I'm going from this moment and running with that. I've been working on new perspectives of everything. Legit not sleeping the other night got me oddly enough into the best mood ever. I've been trying to keep positive as much as possible, and not letting stupid things get to me. I'm working harder than I have been, and I've been working out problems on my own. I may not be showing it yet, but I haven't felt this good in a long time. I'm exhausted because of all of this, but hopefully I'll get used to it haha :) I've seen meghan and amanda a lot more now and ive missed them SO much. They are two of my best friends and its been nice recently to have them come down the hall and visit and we all just sit and talk together for a while.

Classes have been going well recently. I switched to saxophone in woodwinds and I already like playing it :) And I got a 48/50 on my optional paper in psych which i was honestly quite worried about..but it brought my grade up to where if i get a B on the final, i get a B in the class its so exciting!! Native American Lit I have papers to make up but they shouldnt be too bad. I'm working on those tonight and tomorrow. Piano lesson meh...i wont go into those now haha. And I have my schedule for next semester picked out too. I'm taking:
Psych Stat Methods(with lab)
Human Sexuality
Developmental Psychology
Health
College Writing
Natural Disasters

and I'll have exactly 18 credits, and I've gotten the low-down of most of those classes, what the grading will be based off of and all. So I know which will be my hardest/easiest classes, so I'm hoping that'll be okay. I have to figure out what im doing with APO and TBS still though...I need to focus on school right now. But idk. I dont want to pay dues and go associate/conditional and then not be able to do anything. I'm better off staying active and get whatever I can done and not over-sign up for things. So thats it for that haha.

I'm dating Frankie now :) Odd that our year anniversaries(assuming we stay together and all) is 4/20 hehehe. also...negative ironic-ness is that each 6 months is a "here's what it IS with Frankie, here's what it wouldve been with shane...." thing. which sucks but hopefully ill get over that soon. ill remember it...but hopefully wont dwell. I like being with Frankie...he makes me feel so much better. when I'm with him, yes i have the ability to talk to him about everything, but I feel like I don't have to let him know all my problems because when we're together I dont even focus on them...its like for that short period of time, they're not there.:)

This weekend hopefully will be a lot of fun. Tomorrow Janet and Emily and I are going camping at Mineral springs in Emlenton. Hopefully saturday, Daniel and his brother Mike will be able to join us and we can all hang out for the day. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can spend most of the day hiking and exploring outside and maybe even bike on the trail and stuff too. sometime then saturday evening or sunday, frankies coming to find me and take me to his house where wolfgang and sarah will join us and frankies parents for easter sunday dinner :) then its back to school! so i have to have a good bit of my homework done before we camp, and leave small things for sunday evening, if anything.

anywho, im off to make letters and work on class stuff and all. byeeeee :)

March Brain Spill

2011-03-29T23:50:00.004-04:00

So since break, everythings been a freaking roller coaster. To be quite honest, I have no idea what is going on anymore. There's a mix of good and bad going on and I cant figure out what I want or need and everything just kinda hurts....so here's whats going on right now:

Frankie
...he really likes me, and I like him, but lots of stuff is getting in the way of anything actually happening with us. One, a bunch of his camp friends got into quite a bit of drama with me kayla and sarah this past weekend, and i know a lot of them already didnt like me for not getting back together with kyle after shane and i were done. i dont want frankie to have to go through crap from them of being with me..he doesnt deserve it one bit. For two, I honestly just cant get over shane..no matter how hard i try to. Anytime I attempt to remind myself that we're friends and try and ignore any feelings for him, it just doesnt work. and i had a dream where he was acting the same way he has been lately..and in it he showed me a text he sent to his brother saying something might just happen again. but then i woke up..:\ and i told frankie i still liked shane and was working on trying to get over it, so at least he knows...its not very hard to see either.

Also..the last time we had talked about anything serious, he told me he felt like he had to be careful around me because he didnt want to get hurt...but to be honest, i think itll happen for some reason or another anyways. its either going to be me deciding im not sure if i can be with him. or....ill realize its ok to be with him, but then ill still be keeping a lot from him. feelings, other events thatve happened that i dont know if i can tell people anymore....

anywho, i tried telling frankie i didnt want to go through more problems and didnt want him to either when we were talking saturday, but he keeps saying just to go with the flow and stuff, and that isnt going to work. so we're going to hang out tomorrow afternoon. after he drives to clarion, we're going for a walk to the Fulmer House to look at all the fun antique stuff. then probably gonna go find a place to grab some food. after that, we'll probably go find a fun movie to watch or something for a bit. eventually ill probably have us go to the Eta Pie game night cause the pledge class needs half-ish of us to be there..so im gonna go there.

School
so....here's finally whats going on in school...please dont say anything once you read this unless its to me personally....privately...

Psychology of Personal Growth-im still not sure why people dislike dr slattery..i actually really enjoy having her as my professor for this class. anyways, i like learning about everything....dislike the examples she uses sometimes cause it sucks having past events come back to haunt me three days a week on top of what already visits me daily:( being in the class with erin and shane is good and bad. erin is so fun cause sometimes when comments are made, we turn and look at each other and make faces or say our opinions. haha. shanes interesting...its fun talking to him before and after class. during class it depends on the topic..many times though things are brought up and i try so hard to not focus on things and i know shane can see it. so i try to see if he is looking at me, but not actually turn my head. yeah its a good time. sometimes. but this last unit is all on relationships and stuff...and i get to chill out sitting next to my ex. yay? i think not...

Intro to Native American Literature-this class is amusing. I like Dr. Luthin, and I like what we're reading now. Fool's Crow is fun to read..and I have to write a response paper on it this week. Kayla and Shane are fun to have in this class. One of them usually have a fun snack to eat during class, or we will sit there and chat about various things about APO or their work(TTSR) or Boy Scout stuff :) Its hard sometimes to understand what the text is saying, but I'm getting better at it.

Ed Found-I dropped this class. She didnt like the way i did my brochure project, nor would she let me put my observation assignments into one document instead of two, when i did hours with 4 different teachers rather than two. I did a lot of music classes which should count for way more. that and half the stuff for the test wasnt covered in our class anways. im not failing the test when its her fault things werent covered at all. it wont be the information for answers she wants. im not wasting my time to end up flunking. not happening.

Choir-hah...im not even registered for this class:P i went to choir up until he told me to get out to go practice instead of singing :P once the concert is over, ill go back again cause we're gonna be working on the Lux Aterna for the NYC trip :D soo excited for that. I'm kind of excited for this concert...just to see how it turns out haha.

Piano Lessons-these are interesing. I've missed a few from not feeling well, but I've still been practicing quite a bit. I still suck at piano though haha. I'm ok if i have lots of time to memorize stuff, but other than that....just no hha. I'm just doing a regular jury though and not the piano competency.

Woodwinds Class-all done with Clarinet now! I can play 2-octave scales(on a good day haha) and also random tunes out of that beginner book we use. Now its time for saxophone wooo. I have to finish my web annotations for next week, and also get cracking on my teaching assignment.

Seminar-concerts are fun. seminar days are boring but ok too. blog post is done. so all thats left is to finish attending concerts and get my pass. haha.

Flute lesson-i practiced. i suck this semester, but i practice. however, with missed lessons due to arriving from pittsburgh late/illness/etc...Reg and I legit just decided to have me drop lessons this semester, which i thought was actually good, even if it doesnt sound good. not having to stress over jury stuff for flute eases my mind quite a bit.

So honestly, I think im dropping my music ed major. i havent fully decided yet, and wont until fall-ish time if i dont find things to fit in the time slots of theory and aural skills. i dont enjoy anything with music classes anymore, and think i would much rather work on my own. besides, if i have a regular music major, or music minor, i can still get a certificate in grad school for music therapy with my psychology degree. But we'll see what happens.

Other than that...drama continues to follow me....but its kinda whatever nowadays. i have to focus on finishing this semester alive so thats what im gonna do. im not leaving either of my organizations, but im definitely not dealing with shit. if things start up at an event im totally gone unless its my responsibility to be there every minute cause i planned it and stuff. Um....yea. and along with that, just same old same old with family, certain friends, homework, etc. woo. thats it for now i think.

Spring Break 2011 Amazingness

2011-03-09T19:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was almost the best thing ever :D First, Kristen Carfang came and picked me up and we went over to Dave & Busters. These old people cut in front of her along the way and then hit their brakes so we bumped into the back of their car. Still a scary experience. Ironically once again im in the passenger seat...and it happened almost right across from where theres crosses for an old best friend of mine on the side of the road:\

But we got there and ate lunch and talked about a whole bunch of stuff that's been going on. Then we went over and played a TON of games and danced around to whatever music came on their radio. I love that place now hahaha.

Anyways, after that she dropped me back off and I got ready for my next fun adventure. Me and Andrew(Angel) were gonna go to the movies but then decided to go eat instead. So we went to Quaker Steak in Sharon and saw Frankie there! haha. (i knew he'd be there:P) So Angel told me to go visit them for a bit. So I said hi to everyone which was Shane, Frankie, Clark, Wolfgang, and the camp directors Buck and Kristie, and this guy names Justin Dye and another boy i cant remember..and some chick. haha. it was fun :) and Angel and i had lots of fun discussion on things that have been going on

I dont feel like writing about everything...I did observation hours which was quite a bit of fun :)

So I drove up to Mercer that Saturday and hung out with Frankie at his house for a while. then we drove to the Seneca Fire Hall for a banquet for the Order of the Arrow. :) it was a lot of fun. Their ceremonies are quite interesting :D then we we went and stood in the parking lot for a while and talked to a TON of people. theres this boy named Noodles(Tyler) and he decided my name was Mariah Carey:P he asked if i would sing him a song and i said if they teach me a camp song i would. So Noodles went to one side of the group and Wolfgang was on the other and they were shouting the Little Red Bird camp song...so i learned that :D

Rain Is A Good Thing

2011-03-07T22:23:00.004-05:00

"I knew, in the silence that followed, that anything could happen here. It might be too late: again, I might have missed my chance. But I would at least know I tried, that I took my heart and extended my hand, whatever the outcome.
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him."
— Sarah Dessen (The Truth about Forever)

^^^I just love Sarah Dessen novel quotes <3

So somewhere I read that you should find positives in things every day. So I'm going to continue my positives along with the negatives in these posts...cause eventually one day ill have no negatives :D

Negatives: -blah drama :\ clark texted me with suspicions as to what happened with me and frankie the other night and i really dont want to deal with people taking things farther than they need to. because 1)its not anyones business and 2)i didnt do what someone said. apparently i went slightly too far with a boy. which was assumed to be frankie. but it wasnt. i dont want drama! its spring break for crying out loud!

...speaking of that...i got really upset last night :( i tried starting conversations with some people who i thought could make me feel better but they didnt last long. and for others like meghan and sarah who knew everything going on..thanks :D you guys did end up making me feel better. and yes i ended up talking to kyle for a bit just about being generally upset. and frankie and libby were texting me about random things and i felt better. i got into a really uncomfortable conversation with this one guy though and i didnt like it:\ i crashed before having to worry about it too much.

Positives!!!!
-made 4.5 dozen cupcakes today and a cake!
-went for a walk :)
-BLOOD ORANGES ARE IN GIANT EAGLE!!! XD
-making letters and listening to music right now and its making me feel better(and productive!)
-NEXT TO NORMAL TICKETS CAME IN <3333
-Dave and Busters with Kristen tomorrow
-Movies with Angel tomorrow evening :)
-I've been texting a person that makes me smile a lot...alllll day :D
-Kyle is making me a tye dye t-shirt :D(hopefully itll have blue in it!)
-I'm done caring about what other people are thinking or saying...if you dont like someone and dont want to be friends with them, dont. But it's not stopping me anymore.

BSA eLearning :)

2011-03-06T09:33:00.005-05:00

So Wednesday i cant remember what all i did:P Swimming was definitely in there somewhere at least. I do believe its also when I went to Wendys with Shane and Clark and Jeremy:)

Thursday I went swimming with Clark, Sarah, and Frankie :D Then clark left and the rest of us went to Ninja Night and played(well..frankie watched:P) and then Ross Groom joined the three of us for a movie night. We watched the Village which was interesting cause me and Frankie pretended to be all afraid, while ross poked sarah and they had their fun ;) Then we put in Pirates 3 and Ross/Sarah fell asleep and Frankie and I stayed up talking for a while.

Friday was fun :) After classes were over, Janet and Emily Sites and I went hiking at Freedom Falls. That was definitely interesting cause at some point emily didnt want to climb down anymore cause it was really icy. so janet and her went back up to the top and i somehow made my way sliding/sitting/crawling to the bottom so i could a)make it safely and feel proud and b)get awesome pictures which i DID!!! like this one :D

^^hopefully that worked:P if not ill repost above this one. but anyhow that was lots of fun :D Then we went to see Shwoir :D Dr. A and steve were there so we hung out with them. Then we went to Jake's and watched Luck of the Irish and other random vidoes and slept there.

Saturday was Pinewood Derby day for Boy Scouts :D lots of fun ^_^ janet joined my mom and sister and i at county seat for lunch. Then we left clarion. Went shopping at grove city but all i got was a new swimsuit top:] the rest of my spring shopping my moms paying for is my Venturing shirt and insignia :) Fell asleep atouns 630pm

Today!!
Woke up around 4/5am :P Sat on facebook for a while, looked up Scouting stuff on the shopping website. Re-took my Youth Protection Training stuff and then the Hazardous Weather Training. Also kinda skimmed through Unit Commissioner Fast Start training stuff to see what that was about.

I have lots I'd like to get accomplished during spring break which include but are not limited to:

Scouting things I have left to accomplish
Venturing/Scouting Training
Orientation Training
-This is Scouting

Supplemental Training
-Physical Wellness
-Safe Swim Defense
-Safety Afloat
-Climb on Safely
-Trek Safely

Other Training
-Venturing Version of YPT
-Venturing Fast Start

Other Scouting Stuff
-Order Shirt, Insignia, and Ranger Award Handbook from ScoutingStuff.Org
-Start selling Popcorn/Nuts :D

Alpha Phi Omega
-Make 1 set of letter for me:)
-Sectionals Stuff
--canned food drive since nobodys doing their job!!!
--contacting westminster chapter people :P
-Fellowship Stuff
-Service Stuff
-send in check and form for Mt Union sectionals!!!!

Tau Beta Sigma
-Letter Exchange :)
-Make Kaitlyn's family letters
-Make Kaitlyn's other sewn letters
-Make mine and kaitlyn's matched letters
^bleached and spray painted letters are for after break :D
-make tote bag
-find stuffed puppy :)

School Stuffs!!

Psychology of Personal Growth
-Finish Unit 1 Notes
-Finish Reading Unit 1 Articles
-Work as much as possible on Unit 2 notes
-Read unit 2 articles
-EA: Beautiful Day
-EA: ABC
-Begin outline for optional paper

Intro To Ed
-Chapter 4 Reflection
-Update my Phil. of Ed. stuff more(i enjoyed this project and wanted to expand upon it over break)
-Observation Set 1
-Observation Set 2
-Reviews for observation days!
-Begin book review stuff

Intro to Native American Literature
-Finish Ceremony
-Ceremony Response Paper
-Put together Character Lists for Midterm
-Read half of Fool's Crow

Choir
-Start looking over/listening to Lux Aterna
-Listen to German Requiem
-Work on vocal parts(to keep up in choir)
-Work on instrumental parts(since thats what im actually doing for concert)

Flute
-master 'Syrinx'
-get all of Vivaldi Sonata under my fingers and up to tempo
-listen to and work on Night Soliloquy
-work on scales, etc as usual
-Jazz etudes! :]
-Schumann Romances 1, 2, and 3

Woodwinds Class
-practice clarinet at least 30 minutes per day
-Finish the last 3/10 flute annotations
-Clarinet annotations
-Oboe Annotations

^^if i get sax/bassoon ones done too then great. but my original goal was to do one instrument per week and be finished by now. woops? :\

Applied Music Seminar
None =D cant attend concerts if there arent any, no classes this week, and i already did my blog post :D

OTHER
YMCA Camp Coffman Application
Clean the whole house since Shane and I are coming back down next week :D
Reorganize my room
Get new pictures printed/take the ones I have off of the walls.

My 3am Procrastination...I Was Here!

2011-03-02T02:41:00.002-05:00

So I've been on a LFS(leadership, friendship, service) kick recently :D

I've been working on helping out Clark with information for his fellowship events(no...im not doing all the work. he is getting things done, I just offered assistance) that are coming up. Also, I've been helping Jess with planning APO Sectionals and it's been really fun working behind the scenes on such a huge convention like this.

On the Leadership side, we have to do this Philosophy of Education brochure and there's a lot to do with qualities you possess and experiences that kind of prove it. I chose leadership as one of my qualities, because I've been doing leadership activities for years now. I just love planning things and making sure they all run smoothly. It's fun :)

SERVICE LOVE!! Ok so TBS retreat is on a saturday along with a recital. then theres another recital that sunday along with the TBS meeting...but there's a HUGE service project at Camp Coffman from noon till like...dark. And I've decided I'm going to that. 'Cause I'd honestly rather be at camp working hard at something than listening to someone sing for an hour and a half nowadays. I get much more satisfaction of getting a huge rebuilding/painting project done than going to a recital. Besides...if I'm going to end up working there all summer...probably should be there to help out with projects AT the camp haha. Maybe Jen seeing me there will get me my position cause she knows I'm always more than willing to help? haha...here's hoping :D

So I heard this song that was background music for an APO slideshow...and I loved it. So I decided to put some of the lyrics in my post(which I seem to do all too often now:P)

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that say...I was here

I Was Here--Lady Antebellum

Applied Music Seminar Spring 2011 Blog Post

2011-03-02T02:39:00.001-05:00

Music Therapy and it's Connection to Music Education
by Moria Ambrose

What all exactly is encompassed when one talks about Music Therapy? What is music therapy? Where did this idea of using music as a treatment come from, and what kind of training is required to do so? I became generally interested in these topics, so this post will cover the questions above and also why it is not a common career path for musicians. This post will also show how it can connect to Music Education programs.

Music Therapy is exactly what it sounds like: Using musical interventions in a therapeutic way to accomplish goals, all in a clinical setting. The clients are helped not only with therapy for physical needs, but emotional, social, and cognitive needs as well. And clients of all ages with mental health needs or learning and developing disabilities can benefit from therapy like this. It can provide an outlet to express feelings, increase motivation to become engaged in their treatment processes, and even better physical rehabilitation. Music Therapy also has the ability to help a client to manage stress, enhance memory, and promote general wellness.

A Music Therapist will assess each client’s needs and then base therapy sessions off of that using anything from musical performance to lyrical discussion, music and dance improvisation, or song writing. These therapists work in lots of different places depending on the age group of the clients they are working with. Clients with Alzheimer’s disease or just the elderly in general may find music therapists in their senior centers or nursing homes. Children could have music therapists in their schools or day care centers, and any client with mental needs may need one in psychiatric hospitals or halfway houses.

Music Therapy has been going on for a while now. Back after World War I, different community musicians used to go to play for veterans suffering from physical or emotional pains from battle. Since then, the responses to such events caused for a need to hire musicians in hospitals. Now, with proper college training, a musician could put their craft to excellent use in therapy. The first music therapy degree program was at Michigan State University in 1944, and has expanded throughout the world since then.

A college program for a music therapy major includes classes in many areas. Such areas are biological, social and behavioral sciences along with psychology, music, music therapy, disabilities and general studies. Students learn to assess needs of clients,
then develop and practice treatment plans, and finally evaluate any changes. Students eventually are required to go through a national examination given by the Certification Board for Music Therapy. Musical foundations for this career still include many of the things that are also required of music education majors that include but are not limited to: conducting, music history and literature, music theory, composition/arranging, functional piano, guitar, or voice, and applied concentration (flute, voice, etc.). There are clinical and music therapy foundation classes such as psychology of music, principles of therapy, and influences of music on behavior. Finally, all music therapy majors are still required to take basic general education courses like their English and History classes.

The reason I chose this topic was not only because I had always inquired as to what music therapy deals with, but also how it can somewhat easily connect to music education. To start with, music is such a powerful and universal thing, and depending on the student, it could already be a type of therapy in itself. Many students may choose that their music class is the one they look forward to most every day. The reason could be that it is because all their closest friends are in it, but it could also just be for the reason that listening to and playing music just makes them feel better in general and is a time of relaxation. The next point, which I think is the most important in this case, is that music can be used to help special needs kids, which both music education and music therapy accomplish. Clients and students alike with learning and developmental disabilities do have a chance of improving with music. For example, children and adolescents with cerebral palsy, music strategies may be an effective way to stimulate speech development and also provide organization for cognitive and motor development.

We Shock Who We Can't Save

2011-02-24T11:02:00.002-05:00

So I don't even know how to catch up with anything thats happened, nor do I have the time to do so...

so here's random things with small explanations.

Negatives:
Kyle and I aren't really friends anymore-He started getting jealous of me and Frankie becoming closer friends and got pissed off that I was leaning against Frankie while watching a movie at Kayla and Kyles apartment. What he didn't see was that Sarah had been leaning on me while I leaned on frankie, but at the time she wasnt. But anyways, Kyle decided to tell frankie that he didnt think he could talk to him or hang out with him for a little while. Also kyle said frankie was stealing me away from him. I'm sorry, but that's probably one of my biggest pet peeves..I've realized. Because I've heard it so many times since high school, and its stupid and lies. So I told him that I was mad...and also that if he was going to hate frankie because I'M getting closer to HIM, then I was done talking to him and wouldnt be friends with him anymore. Well...he decided to take that as "dont talk to me ever again" and so far he's kept up with that idea and hasn't texted me, so its kinda whatever.

Psych Notes-I'm behind :\ I wanted to have the notes done for the next class each time and fell very far behind on that. So I'm taking most of today out to catch up since I don't really feel well anyways. But hopefully I can finish all of Unit 1's notes and then catch up to Unit 2 notes. Yes, it means I'll be doing psych homework for hours(not kidding) but at least it'll get done, and its interesting so that works for me.

Blog!-I'm behind on my blog. Its nice to rant here and all along with telling my friends whats wrong, but I never write anything happy in here anymore cause all I can think about is how messed up i am and the mistakes i made and lost shane:\ So hopefully I can bring that all back up to positive stuff again. ALSO....speaking of blogs...I have my post due for the Music Ed Blog for Applied Music Seminar to submit by tonight, so I need to get that done as well.

Homework-I just have things in general to catch up on, and make sure I get things done, because I have a lot of things due next week.

Depression-it kicked back in sunday evening, like hardcore...and it sucks. I've been slowly getting a little better. Random things once again keep happening or being said that keeps bringing my mood down though.

Sleep-I need more of it. I don't mind the winding down movie nights with people...but I need to come back in and sleep after those and not be on the computer 'cause I'm in need of snoozes :P

Shane-I'm closing up on him again...and I dont like it. But everything recently just leads to talking of my depression or things that he doesnt have the reaction I need:\ I kind of want the..."I'm going to sit next to you hugging you while you talk and then discuss things with you and then try and do or say something to bring your mood back up because i know i have that effect"...not the "well talking about this will just make you more depressed and want to do stupid and irrational things...so I wont have any reply for this that will make you feel better." He stole my phone and started trying to read text messages but a few conversations with others had to do with him, and I really wanted to be able to sometime soon-ish sit and talk with him about things...not have him already know and just be waiting for it. He also finally decided to ask me what was wrong..AFTER i got mad at him taking my phone and all. He seriously cant just text me saying "hey you look kinda upset about something...do you want to go for a walk or something and talk about it?" SERIOSULY?!?! that would be way better!! Cause i'd say yes...every time. even if it had to wait a day or two because of bad timing/being busy.

Positives :)

T-A-U! B-E-T-A! S-I-G,M-A! TAU BETA SIGMA!-So I went to Central Precincts and it was super amazingly awesome. I didn't get a chance to do a lot of workshops or anything(there also weren't really a whole lot available anyways). And even though I went 41 or something hours without sleep, it was one of the best weekends I'd had in a long time. That weekend, Friday I went for a long walk with Frankie and then I went for a drive to camp with Janet. Then stayed up and talked to Erich Petsch for hours about some odd and random things which was interesting:P We met so many sisters at Precincts it was awesome!!=D

Frankie-That boy and I are quickly becoming close friends. He doesn't really open up much..and it takes a lot to get him to talk about something thats bothering him. But we have a fun system going. Neither of us are allowed to say 'okay' when asked how one of us is doing. OKAY always means somethings slightly wrong to make things not content or good. Therefore, we either say not bad, however..(insert problem here) or we say 'okay'...but then have to discuss whats going on. at least one problem..even if its not the biggest thing bothering us..at least somethings getting spoken out about. He kind of saved me the night shane and i broke up by not only making me come back to campus with them, but also making sure I got home safely and didnt end up finding the wrong people to comfort me while i was upset and vulnerable. He's a fantastic friend and I cant wait to be better and closer buds with him:P

Classes-They're still not the best, but I'm doing way better this semester than I did last semester. However, Reg still drives me crazy. I can't even be sick anymore because he just figures I'm going to slack off and be dumb like last semester. I cant help that I'm sick!!! but whatever. Anyways..I'll probably do a breakdown of each class and things I like/dislike about it another time. But I love my classes, and who is in them with me :D <3

Friends-I'm balancing out hanging out with people a little better now, although I definitely need to be with meghan and amanda more. However, theyre off with jake all the time so theres not much time to spend with just them anymore. And we're all legit in completely different classes this semester, so its hard to see each other as much.

Homework Day!!-I know..its crazy this is a positive...but I feel really crappy today, so I'm using the whole day to catch up on a lot of work and notes and stuff.

Swimming-I've been going swimming so much this semester. Even though I cracked my back really badly hitting the water after legit diving off the diving board..I've still had a fantastic time. It's been such a stress relief for me just to get in the water and relax. :)

And for the title explanation!!....
I'm listening to the song Aftershocks from Next to Normal :) The whole musical is on psychological disorders and thats what we were talking about in Psychology the past couple times so I've been extra listening to this a lot:P

They've managed to get rid of me, returned me to the grave
ECT, electric chair, we shock who we can't save
They've cleared you of my memory and many more as well
You may have wanted some of them but who can ever tell
Your brainwaves are more regular, the chemistry more pure
The headaches and the nausea will pass and you'll endure
You son is gone forever though, of that the doctor's sure
The memories will wane, the aftershocks remain
You wonder which is worse, the symptom or the cure

<3 :)

Back To December

2011-02-10T19:07:00.002-05:00

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine and
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time

Soo....I was watching the Valentine's Day Glee episode this afternoon and made it as far as the cheating scene came on and started feeling upset with myself again. Then was ok till the end when the Warblers sang "Silly Love Songs" and it reminded me of a few things. One, that the song itself was fanstastically arranged and the emotion from it made me start crying. Two, the lyrics made me upset. Three, that a piece of that was in Elephant Love Medley which I've sang with people/people have sang it by me and it kinda made me break down crying. I've been ok though. again..just sometimes I get really upset about things and lose it.

Soooo many songs remind me of my life and some of them are good for me to listen to, other songs just get to me. :\

Positives??
100% on my second EA paper for psych!!
Pool Hall was fun cause me and janet were against shane and frankie :)
Swimming was a blast night
Watched movies with kyle and frankie. that was really odd. but yea. crashed at kyle and kaylas. woke up dizzy so i didnt go anywhere. but then i woke up the second time and Frankie and I watched Hitch and talked about a lot of stuff. and i had a 3am talk with Frankie which was nice too.

A Light In The Dark

2011-02-08T00:52:00.003-05:00

:(

Seriously...two more relationships ended tonight. Scotty and Sarah's I kinda suspected was on its way downhill which sucks but i did show her the conversation scotty and i had, so at least she knew what they needed to talk about. However...I did expect that they would have the chance to legitimately talk it out first and it wouldnt just be ended so abruptly. And then Kait went up to Dylan and said their relationship was too stressful for her right now so they broke up. And other friends are having trouble and are hurt by other things. So not kidding all night since I got back from swimming with shane and clark, I've done nothing but talk to people(and attempt to watch part of Clueless). I love my friends so much and want to do whatever I can to listen to their problems and help them. And with all of everyone's recent events, I'm so glad that they can trust me enough to open up. It just sucks tonight cause I cant do anything to fix my own problem and its hurting a lot. So yeah...and yes my titles of posts are all song lyrics cause I'm finding more things that fit me somehow. And like I told amanda...there are those songs that link us to people we care(d) for and we know it hurts and we think about it when we listen to it...yet we play it anyways. on purpose too...but we'll never admit the reason. Like meghan said that Moulin Rouge was a sucky movie to watch right now and I kinda agree. Listening to Come What May is killing me because he sang it on the way back from Tionesta...but I listened to it all day today anyways. Because its a reminder of how I feel. Not only do the lyrics match my feelings but its a link to him. I feel like anything I can find to link to him, I'll hold on to(these are those reasons nobody will ever admit about playing these songs on purpose)

Take this chance, cause it may be our last
To be free, to let go of the past...
-----
Take my hand and let me take your heart
Keep it far from what keeps us apart
Let us start with a light in the dark
-----
Night falls, I stare at the walls
I wake and wander the halls
And I ache to the bone, its like nothing ive known
I cant get through this alone

Take this chance, and we'll make a new start
Somewhere far from what keeps us apart
And I swear that somewhere in the night there's a light,
A light in the dark.

So anyways........

Blah :( I've been pretty good about not crying though unless I'm alone and just thinking(not writing or typing) about it...then i just lose it.

And I dont mean for these past couple posts to be all negative...things are just kinda sucky.

Positives??
-Got my chapter reflection done and submitted on time
-The word search thing for APO went well...people seemed to enjoy finding random words as they came in the room.
-I went for a ride with shane :) (yes...as upset as i am with things involving him right now....I still feel really happy when he invites me to join him on his errands) We went to his bank then to Arbys for lunch and then Aldi's to get drinks and stuff.
-native american was cancelled which i liked cause we went and sat in gemmell and made valentines day cards during our APO rush event. the cards went to sick kids at the childrens hospital in pittsburgh :D
-choir wasnt too shabby.
-Roadhouse with nuwh, clark, and shane :D
-Swimming with shane and clark :D

-talked to shelby. yes...i know...thats on my positive list. but I wanted to congratulate her on her engagement. i was glad to see that something is working out for someone for the time being. and then she found out and was surprised that shane and i were over...and she kinda made me feel better. and because shes been in the similar enough situation with him...she ended up being the person i think i needed to talk to. I asked her questions id wanted to a while ago...and also things that pertain to now about their breakup from her perspective and stuff. she couldnt really explain or remember some of it...but the questions i really wanted answered..she gave me lengthly replies for which i appreciated. just the fact that she is a bit like me in some aspects...she's probably the one that can relate to me most right now. so as much as some people will disagree after reading this that i even talked to shelby about this...im glad i did. and we're gonna sit and talk about it in person one night too. at this point no information or warnings people give me will change my view on anything...nor will it change whats happened...and what wont(even if i hope for it) be given a second chance.

sad part is...is that shane said he wanted to be there. but i dont think i can tell him all this. he's taking the fact that we arent together anymore so lightly. like nikki henry one day messaged me about magic and told me that my boyfriend needed to teach me or something like that....well i saw her in gemmell today and asked her when she was gonna teach me to play magic and she said "your boyfriend has to have taught you by now!" and i hesitated(shane was sitting next to me) and again said that nikki needed to teach me. then shane said hey...ill teach you. and i said he wasnt my boyfriend so it doesnt count and he said i know thats what makes it so funny. then nikki came over after sarah told her what happened and she gave me a hug and said she was sorry and didnt know. it was a tad amusing since shane was right next to me...it just sucks too cause i want it to be otherwise. bah! and back to negative post again. im done before it gets worse. im just repeating myself anyways...

so i have a piano lesson at 9am. probably should consider sleeping now. byes.

There's A World

2011-02-07T01:50:00.003-05:00

SO! Now not only do I have the random post about some lyrics I was listening to and had my upset-ness vent about what was going through my mind...here's the explanation for it all! I dont feel like posting all this other stuff but basically:

Shane broke up with me. Oh...I guess in better terms we just "ended our relationship" which in my eyes is better worded, but doesn't mean anything different. And a few people were texting how mad they were...but if they should be mad at anyone it should be me. I was the one who screwed everything up, and I wish so badly to take it back. I almost wish he would've just done it that night I finished telling him everything. I know the reason why he didn't, and that won't ever be told on here...but I wish he would have done it then. Why? Because I expected it...and as much as he and probably Janet thought they knew what I'd do...they were wrong. Yeah I thought about "well..what if..." and stuff...but I decided I'd handle it on my own..not go running to anyone..just deal with it myself. Janet kept telling me things really did seem like they were ok. And I believed it and saw it myself...and I wanted things to improve. I thought they were...I thought things were fine. Then I was told that stereotypical "we need to talk" line and I just about lost it:\ I was told by others to stay positive...well i did...i was positive it was done. and lookie there....:\ And like I said in 2 posts ago, if I got the chance to build up your trust in me again enough to try again, I'd go back in a heartbeat. I just wish there was a way.

so yeah..after that happened we kinda sat and talked for a little bit and some things that we talked about were kind of neat...and he opened up to me...which was the weirdest thing ever. even kayla said that those things shane and i talked about in the amount of detail we talked about it..we kinda a rare thing. Which really threw me off...cause if it takes quite a bit for something like that to come out..theres gotta be a level of trust for that. which makes no sense to me and idk. :\ ugh. If the lack of trust thing is him worrying about me making the same mistake again, it wont happen. I'm just kinda really messed up about it. but anyways he left eventually and i went for a walk so i wouldnt stay there emotionally distraught the whole night. ended up walking to the mall while texting everyone and then i sat on the mall bench texting frankie and umpa. well about a minute later the doors opened and amber and meg came outside followed by kyle and frankie. so i tackled frankie and then gave kyle a hug and then frankie told me to come with them for a ride. so we rode back to the apartments. then frankie said he would walk me home, so amber and meg went in their place and kyle got in his car to go to country fair i think. but yeah then i went with frankie back to wilk. it was a nice walk because it gave me a chance to really talk about everything that happened and stuff and it made me feel a little better.

so tuesday i baked with kayla and frankie which was so much fun :P and then we needed more stuff so the three of us and kyle went to walmart and then after that went back and forgot about baking and just ended up watching Silence of the Lambs:P Then Frankie drove me home and that was that haha.

Wednesday! my goodness wednesday!!! it was hard-ish having two classes with him(choir was split into sectionals and we dont sit near each other normally anyways) but yet it was ok too. so after choir, shane and i dropped marissa off at work and then went to Aldis to pick up some fairly random items:P Then we decided to go to PennDragon for dinner..and i found out that they DO take debit cards...sigh.....so now I owe shane more moneys:P but then we went and picked kayla up from lab and then went to the apartment. so here's where everything turned completely around....

We left to pick up kenzi real fast, and then we went to Wines and Spirits so they could all buy drinks and things for the evening. then we headed back to the apartment. I cant help with what actually happened, but basically we were behind a plow truck and didnt see anything coming down the hill on the other side at the time. Kayla went to make the left turn onto Heidrick and then out of nowhere a car did appear and hit us. At the point where I looked over I realized I was done for, so I tensed up and closed my eyes awaiting whatever was to happen. Honestly though...I was worried immediately about everyone else in the car. The other car was headed straight for me and Shane..and all I wanted was for him to be ok:\ Luckily the other car hit the front left side and just got a bit of my door. Kayla ended up with a bruised hand cause she punched the airbag. Kenzi hit her legs somewhere and had bruises everywhere. Shane's back was in pain, but thats all he told us was wrong. Me...I slowly pretty much ended up with like everything hurting. and although the hospital, after head neck body and right hand scans said i had nothing wrong, i really walked out with nasty whiplash, a concussion, and a blood and joint fluid cyst behind my left knee. Everythings starting to heal up. Some things still suck..like my knee hurts when I walk on it now. My arms kill me when I have them up for too long...like with flute playing and stuff. But I had an IV pt in and blood drawn and stuff which sucks..cause that whole arm is extra nasty lookin and sore. oh well. accidents happen? hah.

thursday was class and junk. i did end up hanging out with some sisters and the TBS MCs for their first class :D I got to hang out with nate text bombing people :P I love being a big:D Kaitlyn is going to be so much fun to have as a little. and the best part is that both her and Amy are good friends so i can have two of my littles hanging out with me:D and as far as jeremy goes, i went to his room thursday after dinner to sit and talk with him for a bit. I missed going to his room just to sit and chat. With the exception of once at the end of last semester, and once at the beginning of this semester, i hadnt gone and just talked with him since summer when i used to visit. Also talked to Kyle a bit about the accident which i kinda needed. Went to ninja and played carefully!! haha. I saw dylan and said hi and he looked upset but said nothing so i just turned back around and then he tapped me and said hey can we talk? so i said sure and we went up to one of the nair lounges and ended up talking about problems for like an hour. then went back and his girlfriend wanted to leave so they did, and i sat and talked to ashley for a bit and then gave Ross Groom a shoulder rub haha. without dislocating his shoulder this time too!:P we watched Daniel play this weird maze game thing which was fun.

friday was lunch at the county seat with cobler and shane which was fun. from there with the exception of classes, i kinda hung out in gemmell all day. i went back to my room for a bit waiting for dinner to come around, but ended up falling asleep texting frankie at around 6ish and slept till 9am the next morning.

saturday i went to Jamestown with kayla to pick up her brothers jeep. it was a fun trip...kayla and i both got to talk about a lot. i had been having a lot bother me and it was nice talking to kayla knowing she wouldnt freak out on me:P then i came back and kyle came and talked to me about his camp trip that day.

sunday sunday sunday saw kyle again for a few cause he dropped somethin off real fast. went to brunch with janet and some others which was a blast. went back to Wilk and watched Charmed with Jess Janet Tara Amy and Kenzi:) We watched that for FOUR HOURS! haha. then we went to TBS and jammed to random music before the meetings started. Then Janet and I went to dinner and then to the Boyd for practicing/homework and stuff. then we went back to my room and listened to musical songs on pandora radio:P sarah came by and we had a battle because Glee wasnt coming on right after post game....the news had to be on first! hah. but anyways once everyone left i watched Glee and did homework, which I'm still working on along with this...I just finally wanted to get this post done, because this all and more needed to be said.

There's a World,there's a world I know
A place we can go, where the pain will go away
There's a world where the sun shines each day

There's a world, there's a world out there
I'll show you just where, and I time I know you'll see
There's a world where we can be free

Come with me.
Come with me.
There's a world where we can be free....
Come...with..me
<3 -Next to Normal

Secret Finally Revealed

2011-02-07T01:37:00.002-05:00

Now was the time, she told me,
The last chance to tell him about this myself.
If I want to fix things, I’ve got to do this,
Just gather up the courage I need and finish this.
So I tapped him and he got the clue and went upstairs,
I followed shortly after, headed to what could be a last moment together.
If either of them thought last night was bad,
They truly have another thing coming to them.
She had finally accepted the terrible mistake she made,
And now had to face this to attempt to fix things.
Walking into his room, I avoided looking at him,
Sat on his bed, gathered my thoughts, and began to explain.
After I was done, I sat there silent, upset and worried,
Waiting for any type of answer or facial expression.
So he stood up, saying his response was no different than last nights,
after basically hinting things were momentarily ok, he put his arm around me.
He gave me a reassuring laugh and half-smile,
And headed downstairs, getting ready to leave with a friend.
Still frozen in a state of confusion, I come to my senses and head to the stairs,
Awaiting the future, and whatever it may end up bringing.

~Moria Ambrose
January 24th, 2011

So I wrote this about a week after a bunch of crazy emotional discussions happened. One night, I had a talk with kyle, then talked for a few minutes with janet/shane. I tried talking to shane but he pulled away from me angry. Then Kyle talked to shane...which ended up being shane just kinda telling Kyle off. Kyle then went and talked to Janet and I just sat there waiting, thinking. Janet came back in and I realized what needed to happen, I just needed to figure out how to say it. So Janet and I went upstairs really quick and I told her and she said "well...I've tried to help you. Now it's up to you to fix things, I can't do anything else for you at this point" So then shane came upstairs and i talked to him. But i never got to finish what i wanted to because we kind of kept getting distracted with other conversation. And then the next evening I ended up finishing telling him what I had wanted to for so long. This poem is a really crappy written version of what happened that night. I wish I could put into words how scared I was. You know....I've fallen in love a couple times before, and then just loved others. And if you asked my closest friends, they'll tell you that I fall pretty darn easily. But it happened so differently with him. I just liked him....for the longest time. It was a slow 'falling' process this time. And it hasn't even hit its peak yet. Things just kinda suck right now :\

See I'm Smiling?

2011-02-07T01:15:00.002-05:00

So I decided I refuse to post anything huge until I finish typing and submit this darn poem! And lots has happened too! However, tonight I kinda was staring at the hoodies in my closet and saw one that didn't belong to me and I started to feel upset again. I promise I'm trying really hard to be ok with all of this, but I just can't be. I hate what I did and know I can't ever take it back. But something...somewhere...makes me want so badly for a second chance. Some others that know you fairly well have even told me they could see it happening. Kayla says "yeah you've really gotta work your butt off to build that trust up again"....and I want to do it. But how? The most I can do, honestly, is just talk to you more. Sit and go to you for things, which I've wanted to do for so long but couldn't. And you even told me that night multiple times that you want to be there for me. But I just don't know. Right now, the only thing that's bothering me that I can form into words is how much I'm hurting. But I can't tell you that. It wouldn't change anything, no matter how much I want it to. I'm fine when its us and a bunch of people, or even just us riding around and stuff. I promise I'm not acting ok and I'm not....I really am ok. Its just sometimes when I'm listening to music or just sitting around with no distractions of anything and all I can think about is you, it just sucks is all :\ I dont know...I was told not to ask about this stuff to you because I dont want to mess anything up(God knows I've messed up enough at this point) but I want to know so badly! I mean, if there's even the slightest glimmer hope that something could happen again in time, then I'll have faith, but yet won't just sit around and wait as well just in case. And if there's not a chance in hell, I kinda want to know so I'm not sitting and pining forever unsure about everything. But anywho...everything somehow finds its way to be a constant reminder of what i had and lost, what i screwed up and how i really dont think i did anything right. I wish I could go back to Memorial Day weekend and then get information i needed about everything and re-do it all. I miss you a lot, but I don't think it matters, and I'm too afraid to ask.

So yea....a song from the musical The Last Five Years came on, and I was listening to the lyrics and some of them seemed kinda fitting to random thoughts going through my head...so I figured I'd post them. And Andrea, whenever you read this, I'm sure you're gonna love all the lyrics :P Thanks for introducing this musical to me!

I think we both can see what could be better
I'll own when I was wrong
With all we've had to go through
We'll end up twice as strong
And so we'll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
-----
You know what makes me crazy?
I'm sorry, can I say this?
You know what makes me nuts?
The fact that we could be together
Here together
Sharing our night
Spending our time
And you are gonna choose someone else to be with
No, you are
-----
I swear to God I'll never understand
How you can stand there straight and tall
And see I'm crying
And not do anything at all

yeah....new beginnings my ass

2011-01-28T00:35:00.001-05:00

There's one more poem I wrote a few days ago that I cant seem to type up. I finished it finally...but I cant sit and type it and I dont know why. Probably because theres something missing from it emotionally? Which I guess we'll see how monday goes...

I've never been so afraid of something involving this...in my entire life. :\

Imperfectly Perfect

2011-01-25T14:29:00.003-05:00

She sat in the chair to write hours ago,
And hasn’t been able to complete anything.
Poems about unique subjects filled up her binder,
But not the one she wanted. Not one about him.
She tried to write about how she felt;
The emotions flooding onto the paper, invisibly.
She tried so hard to put her thoughts into words,
But she simply just cold not form it right.
And then one day she realized in a quick moment,
That maybe that wasn’t supposed to happen.
Was she looking for a flaw, or just trying to understand him?
She wanted so badly to figure him out,
To read his mind and know how he feels.
And maybe the fact that he doesn’t show it isn’t what bothers her;
Perhaps it’s because he is the biggest challenge she has ever faced.
His mind so complicated and unique that it intrigues her,
Making her want to know so much more about him.
And the way he dresses, the reasons he does what he does is, so different,
Makes for an odd attraction about everything that he is, and isn’t.
So getting him right now isn’t a problem, because there isn’t anything to solve.
Honestly, to her, he is exactly what she wants him to be.
And that’s really all that matters.

Not kidding...every time I sit down while writing and attempt to create a poem or something that involves emotion, it takes forever...and sometimes doesn't happen. I've been able to recently write about thoughts and emotions that I feel about situations...but not people. And I've been trying to get this one right for the longest time but it just never comes out the way I want it to. So here's my realization that until I find a way to write about it(also if I choose to post it when I do)...you'll just have to look at my eyes and facial expressions to see what i feel.:)

Brittle Winter Wind

2011-01-25T14:16:00.000-05:00

That unbearable part of winter is in the air today,
With brittle wind stinging my face as I was walked down the street.
The sky is gray, a clear hint to a coming storm.
With recent events, how can one expect such a thing not to happen?
Friends are comforting friends in their times of need;
At least loyalty seems to exist somewhere, I thought.
Many close people are going through some much trouble,
And all I can seem to do is feel bad and lend an ear.
I feel content to say though, that I am glad my worries have subsided for now,
Since I just went through hell and back a week ago to save things
The anger, the tears, the downward spiral of everything,
Was something I had already been used to at this point.
I’ve had practice building up that wall of blocked emotion,
And have also had countless experiences of it crumbling to the ground.
As I get to my building, I open up the door.
I stopped for just a second, looking up at the sky one more time.
Seeing the darkening clouds, I prepare to face the day.

I was done crocheting the other night and had this idea for a poem so i sat down and wrote almost the entire thing in like 15 minutes:P

A Dark Secret

2011-01-21T18:56:00.002-05:00

She laid there next to him, listening to him speak,
The softness of his voice slowly beginning to relax her.
While watching his face as he talked, she looked for a hint,
Anything that would show the mood you’d assume he’d be in.
After what she had just told him, you’d think he would be md,
Pondering the correct moment for things to be finished.
She knew she hadn’t finished her conversation with him;
There was so much more that needed to be said.
Bad timing had always been the case, and this wasn’t any different,
So once again she’d have to wait for the opportunity to rise.
She looked out the window, staring deep into the night,
Wondering how she was going to tell him about this.
A great dark secret, as black as the night sky,
Too troubling to think about, and so longing to escape.

So this was cause of a bunch of...i dont want to say drama....but essentially it was drama thats just been growing bigger and getting worse and it finally just exploded and there legit wasnt going to be any better of a time to just let all of that come out and be said than those two nights. this poem was kind of the in between sunday and mondays conversations because there was still more that hadnt been said and was terrible timing all of monday. yeah...crazy night. and its driving me crazy that im still not sure whats going on with things because there arent any reactions at all!! Janet keeps saying that until things start looking odd and ignoring/avoiding appears...if they dont say anything about it, then nothings wrong. I dont know how to deal with this. I cant forget this or forgive myself....so how can they? It frustrates me! No, I dont want bad things to happen at all...im just confused as to why it didnt/hasnt. BAH! but anyways...yeah. the story behind this poem....minus the bad details. It was supposed to start out with the first two lines and be all cute...but then I thought of that night.

Web Annotations

2011-01-18T23:33:00.002-05:00

Woo first day of spring semester classes!!:D I decided I'm almost certain I'm just going to leave my schedule as it is:P Only because I like how things are working out at this moment.(second set of classes tomorrow may change my mind about that haha)

So I've just been in the best mood ever the past day or two :D I'm glad I got to sit and talk to a lot of my friends about what I've been going through and seeing their reactions on it all.

Woodwinds Class was what I figured it would be...just a bundle of fun with Reg. I get to skip the flute third of the learning and just work on Clarinet twice and then Alto Sax once. I'm excited for this...I've wanted to learn these for a long time. I can already play some clarinet so depending on how I do during this first third on clarinet, perhaps I can persuade him to let me play Sax for the last two thirds of the class. But I met this girl Angela who is a senior bio major and just played flute for 9 years and I think she was more comfortable in the class after I went over and said hi to her and told her she could sit with me. she looked exactly as i do going into a class of people i dont know....uncomfortable and nervous and scared. i guess no matter what age you are...its going to happen. She seems cool too so I've decided to befriend her and make her feel less awkward being there:P

Seminar-gosh I dont even know how to describe my feelings for this class. I love it because all you have to do is attend the 8 seminar classes, and thursday studios, attend 10 concerts, and then do a music ed blog article submission. its the easiest thing ever...but I just dont like how things are run sometimes. And it sucks when nobody signs up to perform only cause then we have to sit through music-related podcasts that just arent entertaining at all. Minus one two-seminar video we ended up watching cause all we did was make fun of it and Tweet about it the whole time. After we tweeted, we looked around to see everyone else muffle laughter over it:p and Alison the new girl music major who i already knew from like choir or something...she came in late but i had her sit next to me as well and i think that made her feel better. I'm just gonna try and be awesome like that and just be super friendly to everyone hehe =]

So then I went and ate lunch with Janet and Amanda. Soon after, Joe and Justin came and sat next to us and then Kyle Hart followed shortly after. We all just talked about seminar and other various music classes but i really just wanted to go sit on the couches and see who would turn up in Gemmell. Saw Alison again so I sat and filled her in on Seminar/Studio stuff and then Sarah came over and we talked. Shane then came in, Sarah left for class, and Shane asked me where we wanted to eat at and I told him its up to him and I'd be right back. Went over to talk to Kristen and them and then Kristen Shane and I decided Arbys would be a good place for lunch. so we went there and talked about APO mostly...some other random things as well. Then we took a trip to WalMart so Shane could get some Shout and then headed back to campus.

Kristen went to work and Shane and I sat in Gemmell and he was talking about Magic cards and then I helped him sort some as we talked about classes and stuff. Then Jeremy came over and we decided to go back to Nair once people started leaving for their 3pm class, so thats what we did. I went and sat in Jeremy's room and told him about my entire christmas break and felt a lot better cause Jerm's not one to judge anything..he just kinda listens and then gives you "bad Moria" looks when I mention something that he doesnt like(obviously I dont blame him. hes completely correct to do so...you should see how much I'd be glaring at myself if I could)

So then Jeremy and I went down to Kenzi's room and then Sarah came in and we all chatted for a while and then Krista(jeremys girlfriend) came in and we all went to dinner. After that, Kenzi and Sarah went back with me to my room and we watched Becoming Jane while I finished cleaning/unpacking. Went to TBS after that which was fun and then I came back to my room and packed my bag for tomorrow.

Worked on some Web Annotations for Woodwinds class. We have to find 10 websites on each woodwind instrument category(flute, clarinet, saxophone, bassoon, and oboe) and then put in a description on whats on the website for each. Its not bad so far...though I also started with flute which is one of the easiest ones to find information on. However, I do feel like I am definitely off to a good start. It's been a great day today...I only felt a little down on myself once during dinner but I think it was just being around all those people and I just wanted to be back in my room but everyone kept telling me to wait until they were done. But I'm good now :D I got to talk to Angel(andrew) as well. He texted me asking if I was still awake and able to talk and I said yes so he called me to vent to me about things that were bothering him with this girl and asked for help and then asked how ive been doing so i told him about this last week and stuff and that actually helped him out some...somehow haha. But then we went into normal conversation and then he hung up so he could talk to someone else for a bit. Then Jesse IMed me to tell me about his..end...to problems...so yeah. And then I talked to Janet about Blue Jupiter for a little bit and Kyle and I talked about his work stuff. And now I'm finishing this blog, setting my alarm, and going to sleep because I have to be in class at 10 tomorrow. wooo no 9ams this semester!!(till fridays when i have lessons)

End of Break

2011-01-17T23:14:00.003-05:00

So obviously I spoke too soon about the yay being up here with no drama thing :\ I'm not fully going into everything. But it was a good/crappy weekend all at the same time. It was great because I got to spend a lot of time with Shane and Janet. Even got to hang out with Chris Cobler, Clark, Colby Zerbe, Frankie, and even Nate. And Sarah, Jesse, and Scotty one night too. I loved seeing everyone again. Also tonight I got to see Tara, Jake, Amanda, Meghan, and Amy Weidman again. I missed everyone so much. I semi-filled in Amanda and Meghan as to whats been happening to me the past couple days but I really want to sit and talk with them about all of it. We all pretty much tell each other everything and we all right now feel out of the loop of each other since we've been gone for a month.

I'm not going into details because those who need/should know what happened....either have heard about it from me...or were there...or were a part of it. At this point all I can say is that I'm sorry for hurting the ones I did. To one, I hope we can stay friends but things really do have to change. to the other, I truly hope that I get a response soon about what your internal reaction to all this is right now. I am glad that we left each other on a good note tonight. I really hope everything ends up okay.

So classes start tomorrow. As of right now I only have Woodwinds class and Applied Music Seminar tomorrow. Seriously I hope that I can get into Critical Thinking and Writing in Psychology/Developmental Psychology....because that would just be fantastic. Though it also might be better of me to keep only the classes I currently have. Although I'd like to graduate sometime in the near future....waiting might not be a bad idea either haha. We'll see I suppose.

Now I must go unpack my things and also reorganize everything cause while Janet was crocheting a blanket yesterday...shane was mixing things around and hiding books and throwing monkeys and all...my rooms just a mess so I'm going to clean that up before bed haha. Night all! :) <3

p.s. Janet--you were completely right all along. And especially this morning when I confided in you about last night...I'm glad you forced me reminders all day of the conversation I needed to finish and I'm glad I did. Even though I'm still completely confused as to whats going on since I didnt get exactly the response I needed(although im not complaining about the one I got haha...it was something not bad.), I feel a thousand times better just from the mini-hug i got upstairs at the end of that conversation that showed me what I hoped to be the thought that not all is lost. I supposed we'll have to wait and find out :D

The Great Escape

2011-01-13T12:59:00.003-05:00

So Monday night my mom just made me so mad I couldnt stand to be home anymore and with that i was having terrible feelings. So Tuesday Kyle came and picked me up and took me to Clarion. We went to Wal-Mart for some food and stuff and then went back and watched movies for the rest of the evening. Wednesday morning he got up and went to work at 7, so I sat on the computer for a bit, studied for psych, and then took a nap. Then Kyle came back and we watched another movie and then I studied for psych again and then took my test. I ended up with a C in the class which is not too bad. Watched movies again after that. Now we're making perogies and pizza savories and chicken nuggets for lunch:P It's nice up here to be able to relax without worrying about any classes, and not fighting with family, and not dealing with friend drama. :) Lunch time toodles!

Where Did Break Go???

2011-01-10T14:42:00.003-05:00

Wooo!! I'm almost done with my General Psychology course! I have a B right now. So on the final I have to get a:

60% to get a C in the class
80% to get a B in the class
100% to get an A in the class

sooooo...my dream is the A, my goal is the B, and my hope is for the C:P I'd love one of the higher to so my GPA raises a bunch, but I mostly just really want to pass the class so I can hopefully get written into the two I want for the spring semester. Sooo I'm already excited that I have groups of people I know in each class:D

Intro To Native American Literature-Kayla and Shane
Psych of Personal Growth-Shane, Erin Powers, and Sarah Bertram
Ed Found for Middle & HS-Kait, Shades, and Kaitlyn:D
Choir-Shane, Amanda, Meghan.....pretty much lots of people:P oh and Shelby too..should be interesting
Woodwinds Class-bunch of music majors haha. and REG!:P
Seminar-music majors. easy enough.
Flute Lesson/Piano Lesson-its just me and Reg/Amrod hahaha. ohhh boy:P

and so far thats all the classes im taking. If i get into the other two psych classes then great. if not, i think im keeping it as is. I'm thinking I can manage just doing those^^^ for this semester.

Anywho...I've been starting to practice for my Praxis 1 exam. I know everyone says its like the SAT so you don't really have to study for it...but I didnt do that well on the SAT...so I'm studying my ass off lol. I want to get top marks on that test(which means ill get average scores as usual haha).

AAANDDD....I've started reading worksheets for Psych of Personal Growth...and I've also already legit completed an assignment for Ed Found. I got my books in today which means I can start on more assignments. I figured I'll study for my Gen Psych Final, do laundry and dishes and such, cook pizza cups, take down christmas decorations, and then work on stuff for the other two classes throughout the week.

So...So far I do believe that I'm off to a good start of not only this upcoming semester, but the year as well :) There's only been one night so far that I was really down and depressed but then the conversations all switched topics and/or ended, and Kyle called me, and I listened to Next to Normal...so I brought myself back up. I'm glad I'm able to start doing that again..coming out of my little mini-depressed evenings and stuff. I haven't noticeably been able to do that in a long time. sooo yay?:D

Off to be productive catch you all later!

ECT and then some

2011-01-07T23:48:00.002-05:00

So Wednesday morning jess and i woke up and had an emergency APO brothers(only those involved in something) Skype meeting which was fun and all. I'm glad I know all of whats going on now from all sides but one(well..sort of two...) Anyways, then we decided we had just enough time to watch The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Then I dropped Jess off at the airport and then called my mom. Finding out that I didn't have to pick my sister up meant that I had the rest of the evening to do whatever...so I told my mom I was going shopping with andrea, and headed north :D I got to CTSR and stopped at French Creek to take a picture...sent it to kyle..and then headed towards Franklin. So I passed kyle on the way....and he made me turn around and follow him. So we went to Buck's house so Amber and Meg could finish their applications for the summer camp work at CTSR. Then meg and amber stole kyles car and went to the verizon store and movies and stuff. Kyle and I went to Wal-Mart to walk around and eat dinner at Subway. Then we went to Clark's house and watched NCIS/music videos/28 weeks later for a bit. I got trapped and tickled on the floor which was mildly uncool cause i couldnt breathe:P but....i hadnt laughed that much in such a long time, so it was ok haha. Then i picked some stuff up at kyles apartment and then headed home.

So since then, nothing too interesting happened. Although, tonight was absolutely great. First I went to Starbucks with Virginia which was fun. We always enjoy just sitting somewhere and chatting for a while. Then I came back home and listened to music and wrapped a gift. Then I went over to the Fahringer's house for our Girl Scout Christmas Party. It was fun catching up with everyone cause almost all of them are in college now. Then we did our white elephant gift thing, then we did skits using props that were in a brown bag. my group and one other one decided to do Crazy Addictions or whatever the new show is haha. Then we played this fun game called Telestrations(??). its like playing telephone but you get cards and booklets and whiteboard markers and stuff. its great.

Now I'm home listening to Next to Normal and working on my General Psychology paper on ECT(Electro-Convulsive Therapy aka shock therapy for those who didnt know) It's interesting listening to a musical that deals with ECT while writing a paper.

My amazement in Frankie...and some other stuff

2011-01-05T01:03:00.004-05:00

so today was such a lazy day for the most part. later on i picked up Jess Nardulli from Duquesne University and came back here(shes staying with me till tomorrow). On the way home we had a loooong discussion about the drama that happened at Nationals and whats going to happen now and stuff. Then we came back and ate pizza and then watched The Time Traveler's Wife and then The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...making fun of both movies along the way. It was so much fun. During the Sisterhood I had long discussions with people. Sarah and i discussed nationals, jesse was venting to me, shane and i were talking about musicals we're going to see together(:D :D :D), kyle and i were texting about lots of things, kenzi and i were BSing...and then there's Frankie. that boy continues to amaze me i swear. we first started talking about what happened to me last week, then what i did over new years, then about drinking. i was surprised he wont really do more than just taste things to try them till hes 21, and kind of inspired really. he said he was waiting so his grandpa could take him out for his first full drink. It was sweet. Then regular discussion went on, then he said good night, but didnt get offline. So i sat there and told him if he ever needed to talk that he could talk to me(i told him id heard about a bad night he had and stuff) and he smiled and told me theres so much he wants to say and let out but mostly that things just dont ever work the way he hopes them to and that he appreciated me offering. so i kept telling him that listening, or giving advice, or even just being a temporary distraction or giving a hug to someone in need can do wonders for another....sometimes even save lives. i dont often tell these stories...and definitely wont just yet..but ive saved a few people from losing their lives or just doing stupid things in general before due to being upset about some things. i told frankie that and suggested we walk sometime or something and he said he doesnt feel that many people would do that for him...and kept thanking me. i dont know...it made me feel really good that he knows that someone wants to be there for him and try and help him. things like this are the reason i think i could be a psychiatrist or counselor or even just a teacher who lends an ear to students in need. id like to help people solve their problems or just listen...even if i cant help myself. so tonight i dont think changed me or anything...but it opened me up a little more to something other than whats going on with myself right now.

New Years Weekend

2011-01-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

So Saturday, Kyle came down to visit me! :) We sat and talked in the living room for a while then ate ham and potatoes and stuff for dinner. After that we went upstairs and he looked through all the books I had and we found Muggles and Magic and read/answered these trivia questions about the books(stuff that wasnt in the movies) and listened to music for a while. Then we watched Letters to Juliet which was so adorable and cute and I want to buy it now(we borrowed my sisters). Seriously though I'm in love with that movie. Anyhow then we went downstairs and sat in the living room and watched Ice Princess which makes me miss ice skating a lot and I want to go!:P Then my parents and sister went to bed and we watched Beauty and the Beast on the TV in the family room rather than my laptop this time like we'd been:P Fell asleep during that so there was the end of that night haha.

Sunday we woke up at 10 or so and then took a drive to the Sarris Factory. Kyle took a picture of the huge christmas chocolate candy castle they built and then read through the flavors of jelly beans they had:P We walked up into the ice cream emporium and watched the Steelers game while we ate/drank milkshakes. Called sarah kriebel...talked to her and bought chocolates and left. Then we went to the Chevy dealer and looked at cars just for the hell of it:P Went to Kohls and i bought a pretty necklace with a key and heart on it. Headed over to Half-Price books and I think kyle fell in love with the place:P Went next door to Toys R Us and he bought frankies christmas gift there:P(dart guns..what else?) and I looked at bikes cause mine needs fixed or i need a new one. Then went to Walmart and I bought Eclipse and The Lake house, and also a fleur de lis necklace <3 Then we went back and ate leftovers for dinner, but with oven brown potatoes this time!! haha. then we watched....i cant remember....oh i lied. we went upstairs and i did psychology homework and he drew pictures while we watched The Pacifier and then RENT for four hours. haha. then went downstairs and watched House...and then something else random. Then we put in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and talked for a while and then fell asleep watching that. Woke up monday and packed up stuff and kyle left. Then I just kinda did laundry and dishes and stuff the rest of the evening.

Welcoming in 2011

2011-01-03T17:02:00.003-05:00

Another year begins...another "well its a new year, so we can just start over, right?" just like I say at the beginning of every school year too. One of these days, I won't need to start over, because everything will actually be going as it should. I'm not sure what all I'm hoping for this year...or how much it'll differ from any other year. I didn't realize I hadn't done new years resolutions last year..by blog or journal(not that I can find at least) so I can't report as to whether I kept or broke any. I will say based off of my usual resolutions, I did end up reading a little more this school year so far than all of last school year, so that was good? It still wasn't as much as I usually did, which isn't very normal for me. I wrote this past year probably just as much as usual. I wrote two or three poems in the spring and 4 during thanksgiving this fall(bad week for me). So let's start with those resolutions, shall we?

We'll go with the usual ones first...only perhaps with different explanations for them this time...this applies to the first two resolutions here.

1)Read-I don't read leisure books in college anymore which sucks. For a week or so, I ended up reading at night because it kind of winded me down for the night and distracted me with something as I cleared my head so I could sleep. I'd like to keep doing that actually. Even if it's doing sudoku or other puzzle books just as something to relax with before bed.

2)Write-I'm not sure I'd like to say write MORE...because it seems to only happen recently when things are going terribly, and I don't want that to happen. I might try and at least once every other week or so sit down and ponder and find a subject within myself to write about, like when I wrote about recess or ice skating. I miss those poems, although these emotional ones were the best I've written, they were unhappy topics. Once again I'd really like to get that book going, but can't put thoughts as much as that down on paper...so we'll see about that one

3)Exercise-Mom even noticed recently by an outfit that I wore...that I've lost a lot of weight...30 pounds in the last year and a half...and I wasn't actually trying. She's almost gotten to the point where she thinks she might have to worry, because I really don't eat as much as I used to. However, there's some leftover inches I'd like to make disappear on my legs and perhaps my arms as well haha. I used to have a small and thin body and I'd like to go back towards that. But at least now it's not really because I'm self-conscious about how I look...but I think it'd just make me feel better. Also with that, I think exercising will do what my mom told me works for her...de-stress. I noticed that the day I came home for thanksgiving break...we went outside and raked/cut the entire front lawn and I felt a lot better afterwards. So I've gotten Steph to agree we need to coerce people into coming to the gym with us to walk/run the track together and we can chat along the way and all. And I also got a bunch of people who are interested in swimming a few times a week so yay :D

4)Be happier-yes.....the almost-clinically depressed borderline bi-polar one wants to do what it takes to attempt to just be in a good mood all the time. So far the year has started out well, and I'm not doing too badly in my winter class so I'm glad about that. I feel that others bad moods and stuff are rubbing off on me sometimes and bringing me down, so maybe I'm doing that to them too? Perhaps being that one person that could be down a little about anything...could keep a smile up and brighten someone else's day. who knows...maybe itll end up bringing my mood up if i see that i made someone else happy for the day now. I know I can do it..I do it all the time.

5)School-I don't know what else to put with that. I want to fix my schedule where I dont start classes earlier than 10 MWF(except perhaps lessons) and 930 on TTH(yay woodwinds class with Reg!) That way I have good opportunity to sleep and/or get up and eat breakfast. Also, I'd like to have it where I don't have classes after choir MW(F) and Developmental Psych/Wind Ensemble(what i want to get into/whats filling its place now for credit purposes) so then I have ample opportunity in the afternoon/evening to get studying/exercising/hanging out done. I need to do phenomenally this semester, so I really am taking less classes, although they will be three credit courses which means there's going to be a lot more work put into all these. I also so far have talked it out with Reg to not do my upper divisional this semester. I really want to make it through the music dept so I'm basically half-taking a semester off musically...but not really. I failed theory and aural skills so i cant move forward with that anyways. Not sure yet what else I'm going to do. We'll see. I decided if I can't get into the two psych classes i want, I might take intro to native american literature cause it might be interesting and its a english elective and possibly the other music history class(1750-1900) to get that over and done with. That way I'm actually only taking about...12-15 credits this time. Its weird that I'm actually having trouble getting 12 credits this semester. But I dont want to do ensembles anymore except choir. I'm not forcing myself to take a class I dont want to this semester, with the exception of the music history course oh and also ed found for middle and hs. I need to retake that so I'm getting that over with as well. shouldnt be too bad though.

..I don't know what else to put. I take plenty of pictures for memories and I need to start that scrapbook soon:P I'd like to listen more than I talk...but I already do that. Managing time would be beneficial to me, and so would trying not to get caught up in drama and making it part of my own. I want to make my bucket list..and get started on crossing those things off.

oh....but I think I might go to church. or...a christian group on campus. or at least start reading the Bible or something i dont know. something involving becoming more acquainted with religion.

Goodbye 2010!......an hour or four late...

2011-01-01T01:09:00.003-05:00

So I should start off with the post I was in progress of thinking/typing before I took like a two hour bath:P

End of 2010 post

Well I ended up taking more medication than needed, drank, cut, then took more medicine, started shaking, freaked a few people out, got yelled at to stop everything or else by Jaime Scott, then went to sleep. Then I woke up vomiting and such for the entire day...turns out what I actually had all day wasnt from any of the above, but rather a nasty stomach flu virus brought home and passed on by either my sister or my mother. NOW....my wrap-up of 2010.....

WOW what a year it's been.

Jerm--I mean first off went into the year texting Jeremy Layburn like 24/7 and we came to school the first day back and he asked me out. That night was fun...we had already talked soo much and knew so much about each other that there really wasnt any awkwardness or anything. That relationship didnt last very long, but i think over-all...dating might have been what brought us together as friends. AND he's my Alpha Phi Omega little which is awesome and I loves him a lot <33 He and I have definitely been through some crappy unneeded fights with each other but we're ok now so its all good :D

Alpha Phi Omega-oh my brothers....I love them so <3 even though ive gone through rough patches with quite a few of them at various times...I really do love my brothers. Many of them have become so near and dear to my heart that makes me realize I have no regrets joining this organization for a second. I love the events and fun we have together. The service that we do just makes me feel so much better about doing something for someone other than myself. And it's just one of the best things in the world being a brother <3 ...may we always be :)

Tau Beta Sigma-and to my sisters, I am glad I joined this organization as well. Serving the bands is something that definitely also makes me feel good, and especially being a music major, I realize how much we appreciate what you guys did before I joined/what was done after. We need those fountain cups!!! hahaha:P <3 Even through the wicked crazy drama that appears sometimes...I still think that "with my sister....I(...iiii.....IIIiiii..:P--thats for Amanda) am best <3"

To my family-Man what a hell of a time we've been through. Went into 2010 with two recent deaths of close people of ours(well...the dog was close to my parents sister and i but still) and still somehow managed to make it through everything. As much as I dont get along with my parents or sister all the time...I still love them to death and would do anything I could for them.

Friends: I think a few of you need separate messages....but

To my friends-thank you for everything this semester. We've all been through good and crappy times dealing with drama and also with parties. Laughter and tears. Hugs and feelings of just wanting to slap someone silly. But overall I'd say we've had quite a year, and I hope this semester brings more good than bad.

Now to those who read this first off/to those who I think truly deserve something special(i feel like im writing in yearbooks or something in high school i swear:P)

Meghan-To my wonderfully ginger-ed volcano taco, I'd love to start with saying that even if your hair is putting others at risk of third-degree burns, I still will always love you no matter what <3 that is all

...but seriously though thank you for everything. Including the racist Mexican jokes on my door:P <3 And everything else. I miss cup lid straw time and we need it back cause i feel like this past semester the three of us slowly have been separating and its not at this point any one persons fault...but we need to fix it. And yes..I need to kidnap you hopefully sometime over break and we can read texts from last night and listen to odd music and watch Moulin Rouge and such :D

Amanda-TWIIIINNNNNNNNNN<3-ok SO....our D.C. trip with Doc A=asstastic...just sayin. lots of random odd memories come to mind when i think of that trip...and we need to go back. soon? like...when i have a car again and we have money and can take miss meghan with us? kthanks??:D uhmmz...so you becoming a transie in one semester was ridiculous but im glad you did cause i loves having you in both organizations with me this whole year :) and yada yada yada lots of love and memories and such that came and went, more to come etc etc I LOVE YOU!!!!

Shane Zerbe-you're never going to read this, but thats ok. Its so odd that I met you a year and a half-ish ago and never really talked to you or got to know you even the slightest bit until last spring when you were in gemmell and i asked you why you wore those silly hippie jeans of yours with the writing and rainbow flares and such on them. and choir was fun too. i miss those two concerts we had...the music, though unprepared in some respects...was still fun :) Then before school ended we started talking more, and the weekend going into finals we all went to your grandmas house to bake cookies and such which was a blast and then we got to go fishing/swimming/badmitton-playing at your house which was one of my favorite memories of spring semester. Not gonna lie...you and Colby sitting on either side of me tickling me on the way to and from Hoss' for dinner(making sarah jealous of course because we both thought colby was unbelievably cute--still liked you more of course--was a bonus haha) was fun. Then you and Colby also sang Elephant Love Medley with us(but more kinda like to us sorta? thats back what i was hoplessely sappy and figured you were singing to us..or hoped as much at least hehe) and sarah and i melted in joe's car and i fell in love with your voices <3 :P anyways...we kept talking more and more after school ended and then Pow-Wow came. I'm so glad you and clark and beans and janet kept pushing me to go, because it was probably the best weekend of my entire summer. I got to experience some amazing cooking and a creepy bridge that I swore you and Wolfgang were trying to have janet and I bounce of the edge of:P during a midnight hike. Also during that, I got to realize one of your games of poking me just to have me flinch and fall backwards so you could poke your arms around me which was just all sorts of wonderful for me(especially the one time where i attmepted to stop flinching and gave in and you said I WIN). Even Janet said the next day that she may not have been watching what was going on due to her campfire cuddle...she knew what i probably was feelin at that moment:P Then I took care of you when you were sick from...ahem...chinese food poisoning...:P...and then I'm glad you felt better and you came and sat next to me during the midnight auction and stayed with me even after everyone else left. I still want that guitar that girl ended up getting :\ and those Green Shrek twinkies..cause they looked good. But the walk back was great too because I finally got to talk to you about what we needed to talk about. And then we didnt talk very much the rest of the summer, but i was otherwise distracted anyways...still wish I wouldve made initiative to talk more but I knew you were busy anyhow. And then fall started and you came and stayed over a few times and we watched movies and stuff and I do miss that, but I like coming over to yours and Clarks house because that sure is always a big heap of fun. And though I'm not really sure where things stand at this current moment...I'm still glad we finally decided to start dating :) its been one interesting experience getting to know you some, and hope to more this year even if it does end up as friends or something...idk:P Phantom of the Opera was a blast too, and I cant wait for Next To Normal. I hope everything will stay good between you and I. Have a great rest of your winter break. Thanks again for the monkey PJs...theyre quite comfy :D <3

Dylan-you sir....I dont even know where to start with you. Something occasionally still makes me think our watches dont synchronize..because a couple times now we've gotten so close to getting together because one of us liked the other but it was never at the same time...or not enough to start something. However, you and I are and will always be super besties. I do miss our walks especially like last fall where neither of us really knew where anything was so we picked random streets and hoped for the best:P We need another Notebook night soon...because I really can't watch it with anyone else the same way we do. Either no one knows how to quote it right...or I legit dont get teary at the end...which may be a good thing? Idk..in this particular case I like when you tear up and I cry...or the last time we watched it last march where you actually cried and i just broke down and bawled forever and we just sat there kind of holding each other forever and then switched to the basketball game and talked about school. It's the simple yet complicated things like that...that make me realize how lucky I am to be that close with you. I cant wait for our walks this spring especially when the weather warms up and we can go more often :) I miss you bestie <3

Janet- you missy.....are awesome. As much as I dislike some of your fake-but-not-fake angry texts at me when I'm being stupid...about 90% of the time you're right...and I really should listen to you more often. As much as people occasionally have said that being YOUR mini-me may not be a good thing...I still think its great. And it excited me when you put as your status that I was your partner-in-crime the night i left for home and you needed to go for a drive. So even though we almost got kidnapped and raped at the Kennerdell...and then freaked out the second time we went even though we had Dane and Shane with us...we had good times too...like Pow-Wow:) and various times we've just hung out and the week you spent living with me during band camp too of course :D I cant wait to see the adventures we will have this year

Clark-UNCLETWINCLARK!!!!! You scare me sometimes...just saying. But you're a wonderful brother and boy do I have plans for you to discuss while you're in charge of fellowship :) And I'm glad we have our random discussions about people/drama/life/etc. especially our rant/music drives. I think my favorite talk with you was in the STC when we went into that empty hallway away from everyone else and had like the deepest discussion together ever and both of us were practically in tears with confusion over everything...and I learned a lot about you that night that I never thought you'd do/be/etc...and you learned the same of me. I hope this year we can continue to become closer.

Sarah Kriebel-my my my...you are pathetic...but you're my pathetic :) and i dont think anyone will ever truly know the full story of why we are pathetic and ridiculous but thats ok..i feel its a need-to-know-basis type of story...and also something that keeps us so close :D We started off 2010 on good terms because of a secret you told me...then that went downward when i tried to warn you of a few bad things about that secret but all-in-all...im glad you forgave me and we have become practically best friends at this point. this fall was so much fun going to clark and shanes all the time and doing homework(especially trying to turn it in and the power goes out and you land in the fetal position on the floor and wolfgang just laughs at you...then restrains me with handcuffs) i cant wait to see what this semester brings us, and of course living together next year should be fun...roomie :D <3

Kyle Adams-To a very recent best friend of mine....you are quite possibly one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I know we didnt talk at all at Pow Wow when we initially met...but I'm glad we talked a teeny bit and that you accepted me on Facebook. Otherwise I'd have never talked to you the night before you moved to clarion when janet said you were coming down and that the three of us needed to hang out. Then we wouldnt have exchanged numbers and I wouldnt have talked to you that entire freaking day and then picked you up during that adventure of janets car battery dying and such:P Then the next day we wouldnt have hung out in gemmell, talked that entire weekend when i was home for a wedding, etc etc. Dating you, although it was for a short period of time, was still something I'll never forget. It did make me realize what it was like to have the joys of being with someone again. I'm so glad that you and I are legit best best best friends now, and I seriously don't know what I would've done without you. Especially the last two months after the medicine started causing problems and that one night with public safety and all....I really do think that somewhere inside...talking and ranting to you has saved my life. I know its weird...but just going over to your room and sitting and talking forever and watching movies or listening/singing along to random music is something that relaxes me and makes me feel so much better. I know we've gone through some problems and difficulties and such but we still found a way to get through it and prove that our friendship i think can last through any storm. Definitely loved our random drives especially to camp and back listening to music and staring at the moon sitting on the rock at french creek. Oh and our Erie trip was something I'll never forget. Everything about that whole day was just so much fun and I swear if I ever got over my dislike for frigid weather...I'd probably live up there because you showed me all the wonderful things up there especially the beach and the lake and and all...so beautiful and amazing that words cant describe it. the pictures we took of the waves and all barely describe what was really there. Once I find the blank CDs that are in our basement somewhere, I'll make your fun car/mix CDs for you especially with all our memorable travel songs hahaha. And RENT music of course :D We need to watch that soon...I'm thinking the next time I see you, we're watching it when we get a chance :P Can't wait to see you again, love ya bestie :D (even if you're a ginger too:P....but at least the flame is going out a little and your hair is more brown-ish hehehehe) oh and thank you for Ginger by the way...yes because of the name I did start crying when you gave her to me, but she has stuck with me like glue recently...especially through my illnesses of sorts the past few days.:) Miss ya bud. I'm also excited that I'm getting you to realize you need a blog too :P Excited that I have something new to read hehe. And that now youre not the only one who will creep on each others blog with phones muahahaha :D

And along the way without actually adding the tons of names and specific memories...I'm glad for the most part of how this year went. Yes there's some things I wish I would have never done, but there's also somethings that I will never regret doing, because some of it...brought me to the good parts of where/who I am right now. And going into this new year...its all the good things in life with the people that I love that I need to focus on.

So that's my end of 2010 blog....I'll start my 2011 post when I have resolutions figured out...boy will some of them be ones I'd never thought I'd have to make or at least say out loud. And also when I have some sort of memory or something else to blog about....

Man is this going to be a long post!!!
To friends and family who know about this/googled my name and this blog popped up(boy was that a surprise when i found out...i should watch that some)....have a wonderful winter break for the college kids, and a happy new year to everyone! may 2011 be a year of no regrets, amazing memories, life-lessons good or bad, a mistake or two(or lots), and something else with a comment that makes you think of a person and that time that you both...well...we wont discuss that ;) jk:P seriously though i hope things are going well for everyone. if theyre not...i hope things get better.

And to all those who dont know me...Happy New Year? welcome to my life of this past year???? haha.

<3 much love.
Merry....happy new year to all...and to ALL.....good morning? cause its 3am over here. I'm out!

The Truth Comes Out...Minus One Thing

2010-12-29T21:32:00.003-05:00

Warning: This is legit an extremely depressing post at least for the first half, and the feelings in the second half are different depending on who is reading it. I apologize in advance for my close friends who read this. Right now there's nothing to worry about(this is speaking of the first half of this post), but it really is just my brain leaking out into what will probably be my final blog post of 2010. And....I'm really sorry to any negative comment towards my friends who read this...but if I end up ranting on past things of this semester, please note that I still love you all and whatever I was ranting about isnt how I feel anymore....but I still want to tell it, because its still stuck in my mind.

I dont know what to say anymore. I feel like anything I do or say just messes everything else up. I found no interest in blogging about the fun things in life anymore because nobody reads them...and no one updates their blogs often enough either with actual current things going on in their lives. this blog seems like just wasted internet space.

oddly enough thats what I feel like sometimes though....wasted space. I worked so hard the first semester of my freshman year and made so many friends. I started liking Dylan and things were great. Then he broke up with Shannon and I was so sure we'd end up dating and then the next day he started dating Rachel and I was pissed for the longest time, and then that went away and we became best friends and things were fine. Yeah I dealt with drama, but very little of it actually had to do with me. Then my dog died, and so did my grandma myrtle, who i wasnt close-close to....but so much of my life involved being around her...so it hits me so hard all the time. and theres horrific memories that are included with it.

Spring semester I started off right away dating Jeremy and wow we see how long that lasted. That whopping three week disaster of a relationship. after that i was back and forth just upset about losing him as my boyfriend because i fell for him quite quickly. i dunno...everything wasnt bad after that. A little(lotta) more drama...but again not much of it actually involved me. And my grandma Rose died two days after valentines day(friend of mines 2 yr anniversary of his death), which was a week after jeremy broke up with me...so crappy things happened that semester.

Let me interlude this with some other facts about me that readers(including friends) may have not known. These are very important details to know about now before you read the stuff from this past semester or you wont really understand the reasoning behind a single thing I will say.

Sophomore year this boy named Aaron Card used to beat me with whatever he could find during/after fall play and musical practices. I never fought back. Shane asked me that when I told him about it...why i didnt. I dont understand why I just let it happen. Maybe I deserved it because of how i might've been treating other friends or something...or i was just scared he'd hurt me two-fold..i dont know. but anyways...since then I have had various flashbacks at random times...most of them during dreams...that really get to me and i usually cry every time it happens.

Second...my freshman year during musical there was this girl named Sam who would hang out with stage crew until she had to go on with the rest of the cast during beauty and the beast. This girl did nothing but smile I swear...she always could make everyone feel better. I used to tell her all the crap that would be going on and she'd just listen..and then I'd listen while she told me what was going on in her life. She became one of my best friends that year..then she graduated. For a while we talked often-ish..then not much...then not at all. This one sunday my junior year, my family and i went to McDonalds for lunch where she worked, and she just happened to be working that day. My dad pointed her out and I waved. Then I went over for a second to say hi and asked how she was doing and she said good and asked about me and i told her i was doing well. So then I went over and ate my food and my dad told me to go talk to her more and that theyd wait and i said no cause the place was starting to get busy and she was walking around emptying garbage cans and such and i didnt want to interrupt her. I said I'd stop in another time to eat when she's working and sit and talk with her or something. So i waved goodbye to her and left. Never have I regretted skipping out on talking to someone so much in my life. I had completely forgotten about that memory until a few weeks ago.

Three days later there was a car accident on the way back from the vocational-tech school stuff in west mifflin. Tricia had told me about what she knew about it, but didnt know who all was involved in it except for ashley. Turns out this guy brandon went to pick ashley(sams sister) and dustin up so they wouldnt have to take the bus. Sam had gone with him. A car went into their lane and almost hit them, so brandon swerved to the side of the road and instead hit a telephone pole and i think something else. ashley and brandon got away with nasty bruises. Dustin was hospitalized and something happened with his back/spine where he had to be in a wheelchair for a bit, then a strong cane for a bit and now i think hes all healed and walkin fine. Later that afternoon after an orthodontist appointment, tricia called me saying sam was in the car too, and she was in the hospital. her friend steve had gone to visit for a little bit. I was worried all night about it. At around 8 in the evening i checked my phone and had a message from tricia saying "sam is dead by the way" and that was that. I went to her viewing and was terrified about what i saw. I had been to like two funerals before that but they were both old people i was distantly related to or just didnt know well so it didnt phase me as much. But to see a 21 year old short beautiful girl look the way she did that night just killed me inside. Got home and my sister flipped over me using her dress pants so i stopped and screamed at her(like legit flaring shrieking) that she always stole my clothes so it didnt matter and my mom got so mad at me for doing that. I ran upstairs and then her and my dad bolted in..and sure enough I was gasping for breath and shaking and my emotions were so out of control that my mom had threatened to take me to an institution, so I calmed down. That was my first severe anxiety attack.

Last December 16th, we were on our way home from school and my mom said grandma had been progressively getting worse(which is what she says all the time and she just looks a teeny bit different or acts different or forgets more, etc ,etc) Got home...got a call from PapPap saying she wouldnt last more than three days and we needed to see her. Aimee gets off the bus and the two of us drive over while mom and dad go to get some stuff out of a safety deposit box just in case. Got there and went into the room and she just looked....i cant describe it as anything better than monstrous which is absolutely terrible and rude of me. I dont want to go into details cause it still makes me sick to think about it but either way she was just so frail and needed to people to help her sit up and she was being fed water by sponge and i held my composure in the room while pappap made me sit and say hi and hold her hand so she knew i was there. she was blind in her right side...so she didnt even see me.(btw...idk where all this will go from here cause im bawling as i type this..happens everytime i have to describe it) so i went into the garage and sat on the frozen floor and cried for a good solid 10 minutes. called my mom and yelled at her for not telling me how things really were. later on i found out that my grandfather had fallen and spent a night or two in a hospital and the stress my grandmother got from that caused her to have some sort of stroke and thats why her face was droopy like it was. but anyways...she died friday morning. i helped my mom clean up everything and all and didnt really cry at all. at the viewing i teared up a little once in a while. i didnt lose it until those last goodbyes thing and the church-y type service thing they did for her. then i drove to the cemetary for her burial and was ok until my cousin(who never cries over things like this..)finally broke down and played this song called slipped away by avril lavigne...we drove away as the chrous came on and they lowered her into the ground.

grandma rose's death wasnt as bad. i found out in the middle of the day and i was just all sorts of upset the whole day and the next two days until my parents came and picked me up. her viewing was ok. even the last wishes for that one...it wasnt her that made me cry...it was watching my dad cry. he just doesnt get that upset. but watching him grieve over his mothers death struck me so hard. it didnt affect me as much...but its still there.

two months later, we had three deaths within two days of people that went to my high school. two of which i knew who they were personally...one that i was close to. Alex Duff was that one. i met him in 4th grade and watched him grow up at the bottom of the hill from me. watching him battle cancer was a life-changing experience for me. and ill never forget him.

So there's just a ton of bad everything that's happened to me...all of the above things have caused sever Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(yes...other people that arent war people can get PTSD...something i hadnt realized until i did research this semester) But here's how its all effected me this semester...

this fall however has taken a turn for the worst it seems. with everything in previous posts that caused the celexa...then the wellbutrin and now i have wellbutrin AND klonopin for anti-anxiety to take. i dont know what all i wanted to say here. I'm having problems with kyle and shane and junk that i cant even discuss on here because its just bad and confusing and i wouldnt know how to explain it. i just was fine up until tonight...i thought over many things this afternoon and then tonight i watched prozac nation and realized how truly fucked up my world has been getting recently. And that kinda worried a few friends up in clarion(well...theyre in knox tonight) but anyhow...other people up there are chasing after another suicidal friend tonight so im not trying to be much of a bother. however during the past three hours ive come to find that kyles freaking out, shane and i are practically broken up and im not really sure how i feel or care about any of it right now which is terrible. this is the worst thing to say right now, but extra anxiety medicine tonight in case of an attack was good...the newer messages after that which made things worse...caused alcohol and a knife to come into the picture which is not so good. im not doing too much damage...just trying to relieve mental pain and get my self nice and numb for the night.

Oh...just for those that read this from wherever whether you know me or not...ive seen counselors and nurse practitioners...i have to see a psychiatrist this break and finally get formally diagnosed for all the fucking shit ive ended up with...yay mental instability?? so yeah. and ill honestly probably be admitted somewhere for a few days to be on new heavy medication and be watched and such. so for friends like fucking jeremy who threatened to call the Green Roof Inn on me...congrats! you get your wish...im going to be sent away. at least this time its actually by MY FUCKING CHOICE!

Until then,
Sweet dreams all :D I'm going to put in Girl, Interrupted...a movie about girls and their stories living in an institution. yay prepping for the stupid shit im gonna have to live with for a week or something! night!

My Hatred Of December Begins...

2010-12-02T21:14:00.003-05:00

Music...takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto. – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

So I'd just like to point out that I like that quote a lot :D

Anywho....because I don't feel like posting ALL of what happened each day..here's the not-class stuff I did:D

Monday-Dinner at the roadhouse with clark, shane, sarah kriebel, sarah winslow, and frankie:) Then clark took most of us to walmart and sarah K and i bought baking goods :) Then we parted ways...sarah(kriebel) and I watched Across the Universe and also Beauty and the Beast. While we did that, we baked an apple pie, two cheese pies, sugar cookies, and gingerbread cookies. Then we kidnapped kyle and went to shane/clarks to drop off a cheese pie and we all ended up decorating the sugar cookies and then watched shane play a computer game and talk in his room.

Tuesday
nothing special. haha.

Wednesday
Dinner at Sweet Basil...they have amazing lasagna :) Then Wal-Mart, then Sarahs...APO Meeting, back to sarahs, and APO Induction. Then Clark drove me and sarah back to his place and we(plus shane) watched One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest and did logic puzzles/sudoku/played computer games. Stayed there overnight. Had a night terror though:\

Today!
Band O' Rama concert went pretty well. I didnt botch my Space Symphony solo as much as I usually do...so yay? hahaha. Now I have a ton of homework to do...I've already written my list of everything that needs done on my whiteboard. I'll be up forever haha. oh well!

'Tis The Season...

2010-11-29T13:35:00.002-05:00

Saturday
So the cemetary was fun. Yup...putting christmas wreaths on family graves was something alright:\ I'm disliking that December is quickly coming more and more every day. Sigh. But at least after, we got to go to my great-aunt and uncle's house for dinner where we had yummy pot roast with corn and potatoes and carrots. It was yummy:D
And then we watched the picture slideshow of my cousin Tori and her new husband Ben's wedding:D

Then we came home and I decided we needed to work on decorations more. So mom and I put up the tree, and while she put the lights on it, I put up all the PartyLite candle decorations we have :) It was fun. Then we made M&M cookies at 10pm:P Wrote another poem in the evening. So that made 4 that I wrote over break.

Sunday
Packed and then took my aunt to the airport and then headed back to school. I got my parents to go through Franklin, so now they love it. My dads already planning to get a job there and have my mom work at Franklin-Regional Hospital and they could live up here. I think that'd be fun haha but it definitely wont happen for quite some time.

Journey To A Broken Heart

2010-11-28T01:51:00.002-05:00

He finally felt it, that spark,
Like a surge of energy rushing through his veins,
As if someone attached jumper cables to his heart.
That boy once so cold and miserable
Now felt on top of the world,
And he had to tell her about it.
He rushed to her room,
Not thinking twice about anything.
He had to just wing it and see what happens.
He stopped and knocked on the door,
Catching his breath and preparing.
She opened the door, her face lit up within seconds,
And she flew forward to embrace him.
Then she told him.
She relived the story of the new boy
Who had absolutely swept her off her feet.
Faking a smile, he congratulated her,
Wishing her only the best.
She thanked him for being such a great friend,
Then said she had to get ready to see him.
They said their goodbyes and she closed the door,
Leaving him standing there, unable to believe what happened.
This was the end of his chances with her, but he still had to say it.
So he wrote a note that said ‘I Love You,’ and then slid it under the door.
Then he did what he knew he needed to right now…
He walked away.

I...can't explain this fully. A best guy friend recently has been going through some love life troubles. And I really wanted to write something tonight to feel better about it. So I wrote this poem telling his story. The actual event didnt happen like this...but the idea of it is the same.

Thanksgiving Break

2010-11-23T23:37:00.006-05:00

Tuesday
So I worked today 1030-330...and I never thought I'd dislike seeing so much food in my life:P Seriously, I need a different job. I really want a job at the Disney store at the mall...or a bookstore or somewhere I'd actually really enjoy working haha. I mean a lot of the people that work at Giant Eagle with me are fun to talk to, but it's getting old just scanning food all the time.

I didnt really get much of anything done today :\ I was so tired when I got home that I made something to eat and put Heroes in and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, I took my Jazz test and that ended up being it. I finished my beach poem too that I wanted to do :) Now I'm watching Gossip Girl and just hanging out...that's all I have for now.

Wednesday

Talking to a bunch of people on facebook, had a major anxiety attack right before i had to leave for work(didnt ended up working:/) and then basically locked myself in my room most of the day. Went with my mom to the airport to pick up my aunt.

Thursday
Happy Thaksgiving everyone!!:D I built a pretty puzzle while waiting for food to cook and it was really relaxing and now I just have to glue it and frame it and then we can hang it up in the basement or maybe my room when i re-do all the pictures and stuff. Anywho! So after dinner, I secretly(told my parents i was hanging out with some friends at home...whatevs) went to clarion to visit Kyle. He only got to see his family wednesday, and had to work thursday and spend thanksgiving alone. I hated the thought of someone I'm close to having to be legit alone on a holiday that should be enjoyed. So I surprised him :) We sat and talked forever and then went to Wal-Mart and got a frozen pizza and a bag of rolls and ate that and then watched all the Jeff Dunham DVDs:P So that made me feel better cause I got to vent and stuff and share some things with him that I haven't told anyone yet. And he wasnt alone.

Friday
We put up outside christmas lights and it was frigid outside!!:P Then we went to dinner at Applebees with my grandpa and aunt and then I got to talk to Natalie and Shane online :) Just finished putting up my Christmas Village(MY favorite thing to decorate....they almost did it without me grr) and now I'm just sitting watching Season 3 of Gossip Girl. I tried watching season 4 but hadnt the slightest clue what was going on...so now I can re-watch it and understand haha. Anywho yeah thats all for now with that stuff.

So I really miss school.....I miss everyone up there so much. I'm glad I got to go home early and all and just relax...but being home somehow almost made things worse during some of the days. I'm getting constant reminders of things that just hurt. And its really hard to hold all of it in and hide it. On the bright side, my parents now know everything I've done in college(basics..not details or amount or anything lol) and they arent mad or anything...theyre just like yeah stop while youre ok and if you do something, be really really careful and consider consequences first.

There's so much I've been holding in and letting out via moria mental-breakdowns and such. Kinda sucks. I hate not being able to walk down the hall for a hug from meghan or amanda...or take a drive and have someone see it on my facebook status and make me pick them up...or shane asking to come with me. I'm definitely NOT going to enjoy the whole no car in Clarion anymore thing....and December is coming quickly. Let me tell you that this is probably now(because of everything that happened last year) the worst month of the year..which is terrible.
going on my angry family rant now.

Erie Breeze

2010-11-23T23:37:00.001-05:00

Standing on the beach on a cool, autumn day,
The sand already finding its way into her shoes.
She closed her eyes and opened up her mind and ears,
Listening to the waves crash against the rock walls.
Each hit formed its own perfect and beautiful song,
A symphony of nature that just took her breath away.
The wind is cold, and whips all around her, making her shiver,
But still she stands there, clearing her mind of everything.
So much emotion floods through her veins,
But they’re feelings she hasn’t had in a long time.
Picking up a rock, she throws it into the waves,
Watching them skip once and then disappear into the sea.
She smiles and hugs the boy who brought her there,
A new best friend who has stood by her side through everything.
As they leave, she takes one last look around, smiling,
Taking a rock with her as a memory of this happiness.
Walking away, she leaves every negative thought or feeling there,
Letting it all get swept away with the sand.

Seasonal Suicide

2010-11-23T02:32:00.000-05:00

She has searched so long for a way out,
Longing to escape from this “life” she’s barely surviving.
The scars on her shoulder are a constant reminder
Of the battle she was slowly but surely losing.
Her medicine turned against her,
Leaving her weak and torn into pieces.
The pain from everything had become unbearable,
And only time could tell if she would be healed.
But her life was like the shifting of fall to winter,
Her personality just like the changing of a leaf.
A girl once so vibrant and full of color,
Was now brittle and breaking apart.
The tree was her foundation;
The other leaves were her support.
Something swept over her and now she is falling,
It was only a matter of time before she hit the ground.

OK....just so you all know, I'm not suicidal at this point in time!! So please don't be worried about anything. I seriously just was reading some random stories and poems and had a few lines in my head so I wrote them down and then filled in the gaps. Nothing to fret about....my moods recently have gotten me to be able to write again. And don't judge...just because I write this doesn't mean I'm becoming emo or anything. And forreal don't be worried about anything. I'm actually just tired but in a really good mood tonight. I have another poem coming up soon about the release of negative feelings at a beach from when I went to Erie this past weekend...so keep lookin out for that :) night all!!

Just Another Manic Monday

2010-11-22T14:22:00.004-05:00

So work equals blah. Enough said. Not much of a life for a cashier haha. Anywho! By the way I'm just gonna keep adding to this post as I go through the day:P

Already emptied the dishwasher and did the dishes that were in the sink...did a load of laundry, and made my mini-christmas list for my aunt cause she wants to do gifts for christmas this year and not just gift cards:P I chose Barnes and Noble to be my store for that:P Now I have to work on another load of laundry...only 10 left!! haha. I'm watching Heroes as I'm folding clothes(right now theyre warming up and getting wrinkles out so thats why I'm typing. Got a ton of yardwork to do too which I'll do after I switch this laundry over:P Mom is going to be so glad to see everything I will have done before she gets home at 7ish:P And I get to make dinner again tonight yay! I might clean out the kitchen cupboard while I'm home too. It needs reorganized:P
____________________

Switched over the laundry and got a good bit of work outside accomplished. Still have to finish weeding one section and rake it and then finish bagging leaves in one part. Then I have to cut the backyard. On the bright side, I started my antiquities terms for the next assignment :) And I practiced piano already too cause i brought a hymn book home to work on 4-part stuff :D I'll work on sightsinging probably tomorrow for a while.
____________________
So I finished up more laundry. woo:P And the dishes are all done too! And I got almost all of the basic definitions for the chapter 17 terms for my antiquities done. And I've got a list of books I want my aunt to get me for christmas. There's a whole lot of ones on there that will help me with psychology stuff...along with my own problems. The books are on depression, cutting, and bipolar disorder.

Crimson Escape

2010-11-22T00:46:00.000-05:00

So I have a writing blog with all my poems in it...I just figured i'd post them here too in case nobody knew about the other one.

The room was cold and dreary,
And as dark as the night outside.
The door is closed and locked,
That way no one will ever see her crying.
She trembles at the thought of doing this,
But still she pulls the knife out of her pocket.
Opening it slowly, she wonders why this is happening.
How could everything fall apart so quickly?
She pressed the blade to her shoulder,
Pulling the tip down a few inches.
She watches as the line appears in white, and then red,
Feeling the sharp pain pulsing through her ever so quickly.
Then taking a deep breath, she does it again,
This time watching the crimson beads coming out.
After a few minutes of gut-wrenching silence,
She cleans up the blood and wipes her tears away.
Then she opened the door and walked out to greet her friends,
Smiling as if nothing had ever even happened.

Surprise Early Trip Home

2010-11-21T23:48:00.003-05:00

I'm medically excused by my counselor at school from classes the next two days...he thought it'd be good for me to start break early and get away from everyone and stress and stuff

So I woke up around 10-ish and packed my stuff and left Kyle and Kayla's apartment...stopped and filled up the tank, and headed home. It was a pretty darn relaxing drive and I'm really gonna miss having the car up in Clarion:\ Anyways, so I'm getting off the exit of 79 heading to Bridgevill and I call my mom to see if they were leaving for PapPaps soon(I'd just surprise meet them there) but it turned out that they were legit just about to leave to go grocery shopping for him!! So somehow I managed to persuade mom to keep talking to me, and then put my sister on so I could talk to her about school and stuff. Right as she hung up the phone, I was coming up my street and stopped in the driveway and opened the garage door to hear a door open and a scream of "OH MY GOD!!!!":P So my sister ran out and hugged me and then I went inside and we surprised my mom:) So then we brought my stuff in and headed for the grocery store. On the way, mom asked me about what all has been going on up at school and I told her just about everything(some of it had to wait until dad got home from work). Went and dropped the groceries off to my grandpa who was surprised to see me home early.

After visiting him for a bit, we came back home and my dad came home from work and we all went outside and did what wouldve been 3-4 hours of yardwork in about an hour which was awesome. So now all that needs done outside this week is weeding, raking, and cutting the backyard:) Which I'll take care of tomorrow and tuesday after work. Then we went inside and I told my parents about my stress, medication, and cutting. Surprisingly they took everything really well, and all my mom told me was stories of how she learned to cope with things during her divorce from her first husband. My dad just kind of stared at my shoulder for a while and then just listened.

So then the last thing said during that conversation was when my mom looked at me and said "....so I hear since you're home, you're cooking for us" haha. So I made a dozen or so eggs and some bacon and got out clementines and applesauce and bread and thats what we had for dinner :D And then I got up and cleared the table and did all the dishes in the kitchen which took about an hour:P It needed done and my parents are sooo excited I'm home cause it means everything gets done:P See, my sister is in school but doesnt do anything at home and my mom gets home at 7 but goes to bed at 930 so she doesnt have much time to get stuff done. And my dad works till late most of the time and is too tired when he comes home to do a whole lot of stuff. Which means since I'm home for a week....even around my work schedule....the whole house will get cleaned, the yardwork will be done, and all the dishes and laundry will all be completed by thursday morning when we have to get thanksgiving dinner ready:P Then after that will come time to put up all the christmas decorations cause my mom always makes me climb the ladder and put things up :) So excited for that!

Anywho! After that I unpacked all the stuff I brought home and then put laundry away for my mom and then clipped coupons for her. Her and dad went to bed and I was bored so I cleaned off a large chunk of the kitchen counter(this things a mess like all the time) So yeah...I have temporary OCD or something at home at this point...so everything has to be done before I leave. It also helps them all out a lot...especially keeps my mom from being stressed about this. Knowing I'll get all this done as my keeping busy and distracted will make her feel better too. Thats all for now...I have to work tomorrow

So here's my work schedule for this week
Monday
930-430

Tuesday
10-3

Wednesday
12-7(then to the airport woo!!)

Thursday
OFF!:D

Friday
11-4

Saturday
9-3

So I'm not 100% sure about those times except for tomorrows and wednesdays...theyre on a paper downstairs:P I just know the amount of hours I'm working haha. woo 29 hours of work which means I get like 150$ to take back with me!:P Time to type up my poem and then go to bed. Night!!

Erie Love

2010-11-21T22:41:00.001-05:00

So the cause for the crap that happened wednesday....yea...did it again Friday:\ But then I felt better so I hung out with sarah listening to music while we both did homework that was due that evening. Submitted my antiquities homework and did my history of jazz test and then dropped her off at Reinhard. From there I went to Kayla and Kyles and hung out with Kyle for the evening. Ended up crashing there and then in the morning we woke up and headed for ERIE!=D

First thing when we got there was went to the Peninsula which was cool and had a fantastic view of Erie. But then we drove down the road a bit more and Kyle stopped at this beach which was one of the most amazing things ever. It was so windy and chilly but I swear every negative feeling or thought in my body got blown out of me and swept away with the sand<3 I may be writing a poem or something later about that moment...it was a wonderful and new experience for me that I can barely explain in words. Then after we were there for a bit, I saved a pretty rock as a memory and then we went to Romollo's(?:P) chocolate store which was fantastic! I got chocolate covered strawberries and also milk chocolate cashew bark. Kyle got some odd sponge candy stuff which turned out to be really good. I'm sad and also happy to say that this chocolate might be better than Sarris' chocolate(I frequently battled with others saying it was the best in the world..so ME finding something better is new)

So then we went to the mall to meet up with his friend Josh, who ended up deciding to stay home, so we just explored the mall a bit. Ended up getting Auntie Anne's pretzels which are my favorite pretzels ever so I was a happy camper :D Then we went to get our tickets at the movie theater and realized we had an hour and a half-ish till we had to be back, so we went to Best Buy to visit Kyle's friend Doug who is pretty sweet(he's a quarter ginger cause his beard has red in it!:P) And then we went to the Exchange to look at movies and CDs and stuff. Kyle got me Heroes, Season 1 which was awesome cause ive been looking for it forever!!:P After all that, we went back to the theater and we saw HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1!!!!:D The ending really frustrated me and I really don't want to wait for summer to see Part 2 haha. I'll survive though:P

After Harry Potter, we headed for Corry:) I met Kyle's parents and his brother and brother's friend or girlfriend or something:P They introduced me to pizza cups(cupackes?:P) which were sooooooo delicious and I want more haha. ooh and we got pretzel sandwiches which I ate today after getting home and it was yummy:P Anywho...we packed up a bunch of Kyles things to bring back to the apartment and then left. Stopped at his cousin Katie's(?) house and hung out there for a bit. She had this cute little kitten who we got to sit and pet for a bit. And then Kyle let me drive home and it was awesome :D We got back and watched the notebook and talked and stuff for a bit. So altogether it was a pretty darn amazing day :D Thank you Kyle for everything!!

Kraynax Trip!

2010-11-19T17:28:00.002-05:00

So Tuesday after classes, Shane and I drove down to Sharon and met up with his friend Umpa(his real name is Steve...something) Anyways, we're driving along and we pass this huge store called Kraynax, and went in there. Its a HUGE toy store basically with a really cool collection of Christmas stuff. Its FANTASTIC!!:D I found myself a packet of Space Astronaut Ice Cream which was awesome so I bought it:P Then we went to Pat Catans to get resin for Shanes mom cause shes an art teacher. Then we went to the Main Moon China Buffet for dinner which was delicious =] Then we went to Reyer's shoe store to look for leather laces for umpa. He's pretty darn hilarious and I'm definitely glad I got to meet another camp kid haha. After that Umpa dropped us back off at my car and Shane and I drove back. After Shane left, I went over to Kayla and Kyle's apartment to hang out with them and Sarah. Kayla and Sarah played Magic and we all watched Across the Universe. Then Kayla went to bed and we put in Becoming Jane, but ended up deciding it was too late so we turned it off and I took Sarah home and then went to bed.

Wednesday was interesting....I was sick all day from my medicine so I missed like everything :\ I went to Gemmell around 1 or so and just hung out there the rest of the evening till Clark and Sarah decided they didnt want to wait for Shane anymore so we went and ate at KFC, which shane ended up coming to anyways:P Then he left for class so Clark and Sarah and I went to the Fulmer House to look at stuff. Then we went on a roadtrip to Deer Creek and blasted some music to match our moods and chucked rocks into the water for quite a while. then we went to the APO meeting and then I had a fun night with people looking for me and i got to have a nice chat with public safety and they have my knives now. yeah...fun stuff. yeah...remind me not to cut myself and tell people anymore.

Thursday was boring. Got to sing in voice class and did fairly well though. Even Dr. Alviani said i wasnt my usual chipper self, so he made me stand and talk with him for a bit and i told him what I did to my shoulder and he started crying and then gave me a hug and I almost started bawling:\ But anywho...went and hung around gemmell for a bit, got my meds changed at keeling..went to CVS to pick them up then came back for wind ensemble. then i did my meetings and then went back and got sick and fell asleep and slept through the rest of the evening until about 10 or so and then went to amber, meg, and shelbys apartment to hang with them and kyle. amber and meg went to walmart, kyle went to work, and shelby and i stayed and talked about past things and coping with stress and relationships and stuff....which helped me a little bit. Then amber and meg came back and we watched Shrek the Third:P

woo friday!??? sorta. went to the county seat for lunch and then to the fulmer house again. then i went to gemmell/arbys and had the beginning of a much-needed talk with shane haha:P came back and did homework and junk...still working on that. i have till midnight to submit it so thats what im gonna go finish now. erie tomorrow woo!! bye!

Life On Celexa

2010-11-15T21:32:00.003-05:00

So I ended up failing that second antiquities test, but then we got a packet of the two middle sections to re-do, and i ended up getting a 100% on that re-do, so I ended up technically passing the test afterall. And now Dr. Wells has it to where we've taken a mini exam #3 on chapters 13-15. Now we have the terms due for homework, rather than just doing them to only study with. I'm really glad they actually count for something. So we have 4 more sets of terms due, and two more exams on those last 4 chapters left. So with all of that I actually think I'll be able to pass this class which I'm really excited about.

So I've been seeing a counselor the past few weeks. Well...I'm supposed to. I've only actually gone to see him twice in the last month. He wrote me this paper thing and I went to Keeling Health Center and I'm now on Celexa, which is an antidepressant medication. I figured it'd help me quite a bit, but so far it hasn't done anything for me except give me some ridiculous side effects that have screwed me over in some cases. I've been feeling stomach sick for days, and since last thursday(started the medication tuesday evening) i've been easily getting dizzy and stuff. Also, I've had a shake in my entire body that rarely goes away.

On a brighter note, I had an idea for a poem the other day. I know thats bad that I didnt write it down, but at least things may be looking up to where i can write again. Marching band ended early, aural skills was cancelled, choir went well, and I got my antiquities homework started earlier than I usually do. tomorrow I get to go to Kranex(a giant fun store) with Shane :) And wednesday after the APO meeting, I'm going to Kyles to hang out with him for a while and watch movies. Tonight I'm at Sarah's apartment with her, Shane, Ross, and Cobler. They're playing Magic, and I'm just kind of hanging out here.

So football season is over now, which is awesome. This weekend is the first in a while that I legit don't have anything to do. I mean there's the movie lock-in but I think I'm going to skip that. It's 25$ that I dont really have nor do I really need to spend it right now anyhow.

Tonight I have to work on my music theory project on thematic transformation. I have to present it Wednesday if Meghan doesn't come to class. If she does, then I have until Friday. But I really should get it finished being researched tonight and set up the presentation for tomorrow and then just go over it wednesday and thursday so I really have it down, if I have the chance to do so, which hopefully I will.

I switched to having two majors by the way: Music Education and Psychology. So I'm doing all the music ed classes i really need to make sure I keep going with, and then I have a few psych classes lined up too. But Critical Thinking and Writing in Psychology(with Slattery) and Developmental Psychology(with Haynes) has a prerequisite of General Psychology, which I'm taking over the winter intersession so then I can take those two psych classes in the Spring. The one I'm definitely signed up for is Psych of Personal Growth, which I have to take with Slattery.

That's all I can think of for now. I don't really know what else I wanted to talk about, so yeah.

The Last Piece Of The Puzzle Is You

2010-11-03T00:37:00.002-04:00

So we took our second(of three) antiquities test.....and I think I did better on this one than the first.....but I dont think its anywhere close to where it needs to be for me to pass the class. So there's a good chance I'm going to have to withdraw from it to keep my GPA up:\ I didn't want it to come to that, but it needs to be done if I want to come back to Clarion next spring.
Also, went to a counselor for my second meeting where he was supposed to test me for all this stuff but ended up just listening to me talk and then had me sign some paper and now I have to go to Keeling Health Center tomorrow to talk to them about getting a prescription for Celexa, an antidepressant medication. So we'll see how all that goes.
TBS: Apparently the Halloween Dance went pretty well which is good. Lots of joint things and such to organize and plan and stuff. for TBS itself, we get to go to Cranberry sunday afternoon for fabric shopping and stuff and im excited for that:P
APO: I cant wait for the movie lockin....and I'll be sad if they dont let us see Harry Potter as one of the three movies. I want to see that so bad.
Anyways, I went home last weekend which I thought would be good for me. It was ok. I enjoyed seeing people again, especially my parents. However, I wanted to see my grandpa just to see that he was doing alright, and ended up getting the lecture I've been waiting for a while to happen on my continuation of school, and what I still need to do and stuff. I'm the last hope, so of course I get more pressure than I was used to put on me for that...so its screwing with my head quite a bit. Oh well. Whatever. Now its time for bed.

I'm Infected By Your Genetics

2010-10-23T09:19:00.002-04:00

So, I don't have time to blog right now, so I'm just saying that I really am getting into Repo: The Genetic Opera. It's awesome. My boyfriend Shane had me listen to it on the way to Pittsburgh when we went to see Phantom of the Opera. It was definitely an odd type of show. Then Jeremy started talking about it and I kinda did some listening and research, and I really like it so far

Synthesis Day 1 Rant

2010-10-19T18:33:00.002-04:00

Today we had to put all the information we've done this semester so far and basically stick it all into a presentation. Well, with as much information as we learned, that was still really hard to do. I know I talk fast, which didn't help much, being that it didn't take as much time as it was supposed to for the presenting. But, for the most part I thought I did fairly well. I felt prepared for it once I was setting up, where as beforehand all morning I was freaking out about it. Dr. Wardlaw was supposed to come in and observe us for a little bit too just to see how things were running and how we would teach this information and such. Once the group got in, my nerves were gone. I was kind of excited to teach for the first time, but it wasn't probably the best first impression I got of teaching by myself. The group that I ended up with really didn't want to do anything. Nobody had any interest in being there, and nobody wanted to participate in the least bit unless it was something I asked where they could just nod or shake their heads. I've gotten up and done powerpoint presentations to my own classmates who were in classes they didnt want to be, but still paid attention and didnt make comments or text the ENTIRE time. They did that because they knew they were going to be next to present their stuff, or had already did theirs and knew what it felt like. But teaching 40 or so people that I dont know who are only in the class for a free elective or an easy A was difficult, and kind of terrible. I really don't know how Dr. Johnson can teach all 261 students of that class.....I just can't imagine that. I mean, in high school if you sign up for a music class its because you want to usually, and will pay attention and find some small interest in the topic and care to learn it. I think one person(and she's in marching band too) semi-enjoyed the class today. A few people actually looked at me the whole time trying to learn and understand the information, but nobody said anything. I think somewhere in that group, someone that's not a music student didn't mind sitting through today, but of course under the peer pressure of everyone else hating the class, they probably didnt want to be embarrassed by participating, because I've definitely done that with other classes before. But anyways, it was a bad first impression of what teaching will be like, but also kind of an eye-opener as to how the teachers felt in all the other classes I've taken before where people just don't care to be there. I definitely wish people would've known what teaching like this was like and they wouldn't make snide comments and things. Teachers are trying to be good and not boring, it just isn't always working. Next time I would honestly feel more comfortable teaching with another person, even if it meant a bigger group. I mean Ross really loved his presentation, and Amanda didn't mind hers too much. I didn't mind my teaching, but I didn't like the being alone to do it part. Which I'll have to get used to being that I'm studying to be a teacher, but hopefully I'll end up in a job with classes where the students 75% of the time actually want to be there. Unless we figure out how to make this a little easier or something, I'm really against doing this again in the setting like the one we did today. I'm done with my rant now.

On top of that, Kenzi classified that I was having both legit nightmares(no...not the ones you say are nightmares when they're really just bad upsetting dreams...but the legit psychology definition of a nightmare) AND night terrors. I had one at 6am while she was in the room crashed on the other bed. So we're working on a way to stop that...a way I don't think is fitting to reveal hear yet because only meghan and kenzi and my mom know about it at this time. It's not something I'm embarrassed or ashamed of...its just something I'm scared of and don't feel comfortable talking about yet. But blah. We'll see what happens I guess

Night Terrors

2010-10-14T20:44:00.002-04:00

So I can't really say that things have been going well, because they really haven't. At this point it seriously is a day-by-day thing as to whether things are going good or not, and I hate it. I'll start with classes and meetings and things and then go into the other crap thats gone on

Music Theory 2
Oh J-Wardlaw's class. Up until a few classes ago(and even still now really) you might as well have called it music history(even though im taking that forreal too) because thats all we've done. However, I do like that at least we have somewhere we're learning it because it sure isn't happening DURING Wells' class. Anywho, we did Medieval and Renaissance music characteristics, which were ok. Now we're just finishing up some Baroque stuff which I've really enjoyed because I like Baroque music. We get to teach all this stuff to Dr. Johnson's Intro To Music class or whatever it is. That should be interesting....hopefully everything will go well because so far, everyones passing theory! haha.

Piano Class 3
I love this class. I mean, its kinda boring in class most of the time, but I love piano dearly. Dr. Amrod is so much fun and she seems to like me, so it works. Probably because she knows I love piano and am not very good, but I work hard and actually practice for her class. Next semester will be hour lessons with her for the piano competency test...so hopefully I can pass this and move on.

Aural Skills 2
So I'm doing ok in this class? I got behind on a few assignments, but I'm back up now so that should come out ok. First test, the written was an 85 and the sightsinging was a 49, which combined was better than what I used to get. I practiced sightsinging a lot more since then, so hopefully the pop quizzes and the next two sightsinging tests will go a lot better.

Flute Lessons
They're surprisingly going really well. I love my Mozart piece even though sometimes my fingers dont want to be up to speed for the scale runs...same with the Handel sonata. But most days everything sounds really good, and I'm not as worried about anything with this except maybe the Kokopelli native american piece...its a little weird for my taste.

Music from Antiquiti-1750
Antiquities kinda totally sucks. I dont learn much of anything inside the class at all, and we were dependent upon doing everything ourselves outside of class...which i mean its kinda the idea of a hard college course...but come on...at least you get basic help in class. so we all failed our first of three tests, and Wells said we had to get an 80 or better on the last two tests just to pass, and that might not even cover it for some. So i've already started on the terms and stuff for the next test which isnt for a while. my goal is to get them all done in the next two weeks and then just read them all in spans of two days and just memorize like everything..because it can be done. its happened before.

Concert Choir
<3 is all I really need to say. I love going to choir...singing is one of the best things ever.

Marching Band
Loved that I sorta-ish got a solo cause i go up by myself for a few seconds, and then am joined by meghan and marian for our trio :) but then DT took that fun away, and dislikes almost everything we're doing, and is being a jerk to a lot of people. So many of us just want to quit but cant. I dont know what else to say. I'm half tempted to pick a weekend and just not go to a game and write a stupid paper assignment thing for missing the performance...because im tired of everything. I need to go home and work because I'm out of money as well...so I'm thinking of how to work this out and what weekend I could attempt to accomplish this. And I really need to just go home for a night:\

Voice Class
The class isnt bad....kind of boring, but Dr. Alviani is fun, and when he lectures the class about not practicing and stuff, he gives me the "this doesnt really apply to you because I know you practice stuff" look:P We're singing our English pieces right now. I picked "Stars and the Moon" from Songs for a New World.

Seminar/Studio
Seminar has been interesting. We've been watching this weird podcast but its been hilarious and we Tweet about it all the time. And the performances have been pretty good. Studio has been alright, with the exception of the one time Reg told me I was the flute that had grown the least since I had gotten to Clarion. But then I talked to Janet and Joel and they said I was the best here when I got here, and I'm still ahead, so there wasnt room TO grow yet. But then my next lesson Reg kinda talked to me that things actually are getting better

Wind Ensemble
It's alright. I was pretty peeved that he stuck me on second flute because I botched the audition, so then I told him to give me the oboe parts, and he did. The oboe parts are a lot of fun though so now I'm happier. I love ensemble music so it's not so bad.

Strings Class
LOVE IT! Holding the viola hurts my arm muscles but its fun sitting in between Kyle Hart and Janet. We make innuendos the whole two hours:P Love those two haha. I got a 98 on my viola test, and now I get to play cello!!!

History of Jazz
The information is fun....however its online, so I missed two tests because I didnt get home to a computer in time which sucked :\ But we have a bunch more tests coming up so hopefully *fingers crossed* that'll make up for my bad last couple tests and things.

Organizations!!!
TBS-Meetings have been going well. We got to make halloween cards to send to the other chapters in our district which is cool. Committee meetings for that are as folllows:

Joint-So much stuff going on! I'm nervous about planning it all, but I'm excited too. Hopefully me and meghan working together on it all will turn out well.

Membership-We're working out making a Continuing Education program now as well as working on things for the MC classes.

Ritual and Regalia- cant really talk about this...but everythings coming along nicely:P

APO-I used to love these meetings. They were something I always looked forward to, but with all the stupid drama going around and getting yelled at every meeting, its been not fun to attend. All of that drama was from MY friends who assumed things happened and were said but they didnt know our side of the story, so things were just..blah.

committees for thats just like...service we havent had for a few weeks because a bunch of stuff has been getting done.
membership is just whenever and whatever
fellowship we're planning a lockin and stuff and thats fun :) as you can see, i dont really feel like typing any more, but i have way more to say.

ill leave the rest of everything out story-wise....long story short...i was trying to be strangled by my friend during an anger spasm in another friends grandmothers house so that all brought back flashbacks of events which killed me and then janet and i almost got kidnapped and stuff and everythings screwing with my brain. It's caused me to wake up shaking for three mornings straight and last night I had a night terror which is REALLY bad and hasnt happened for quite some time, and if it continues I dont know what I'll do :(

On a brighter note, last week I got to see The Social Network with Shane :) (the movie about the creation of Facebook) It was amusing :P <3

Lack of Post

2010-07-26T00:02:00.002-04:00

I legit cant remember what all has happened since I last posted...lots of working and lots of seeing rich joyce. yep...sounds about right:P I remember he and i have watched Juno...and....Phantom of the Opera since then

OH! I went to AC Valley for two days as well...hung out with jeremy and went to Lee's birthday party which was a lot of fun. Alka Seltzer contests btw are amazing as well as getting fully saran wrapped and doin a caterpillar race:P I stayed at jeremys house that night and then dropped him off in clarion for class and said hi to Rachel Cross. then I went down to Dylans house. we jumped on his trampoline, then helped his mommy and two brothers make dinner. then we ate and cleaned up, made a cake, went outside, iced the cake, and watched Alice In Wonderland :D I missed him a whole lot...hes one of my bestest friends<3 was good to sit and talk with him.

I get to kidnap Meghan friday! we're taking a roadtrip to kidnap Jeremy and hang out with him for a bit, but its a surprise so sssh!!:P then we'll explore random places and come back to my house and probably watch movies(Moulin Rouge--finally!) and listen to music(next to normal anyone?:D) Can't wait for that :D we'll be missing our other third though :( I miss my twinnnnnnnnnn Amanda. I cant wait till the three of us get to cause mayhem in clarion again :D

mmm whatcha sayy

2010-07-11T14:30:00.003-04:00

Tuesday
Worked till 4...then I went with my mom to get a TV(with a built in dvd player!!) and a fridge for my dorm room :) I also bought Gamer, Dear John/Sleepless in Seattle, and the Owl City CD <3

Wednesday
Worked till 330 then went to Richs house and watches Push. :)

Thursday
Kristen Carfang came and picked me up. I drove us to Clarion <3 We got her form for a transcript filled out then we went to gemmell to pick up mail and talk to Cobler. Then we went and said hi to dr toney, but ended up doing 2 hours of service sorting and cutting music:P Then we went and said hi to kevin and watched these funny cartoon bunny 30-second videos:P Then we headed towards home, and stopped and decided to see Dylan which was amazing and I missed him a lot <3 hes a bestie of mine :) Then we went to Kings for dinner which was good :D

Friday
Worked till 1030..blah

Saturday
Worked till 830, then mike and shelby met me at work and followed me to the fahringers. we hung out at amys grad party till almost midnight :D Mike gave me a really cute mood necklace in the shape of a monkey and its amazing and i love it <3 hes my best friend too hehe :D Lauren and I had some good discussion about college-y things, and then I went home and bought songs for my iPod :D

4th Weekend

2010-07-05T15:09:00.003-04:00

Sorry about the random just daily overview of stuff.....nothing different is happening at all really.

Tuesday
worked 330-1030 which sucked big time, but it happens i guess.

Wednesday
I was off the whole day:D I went to Eat N Park with Zak Parks and then we went bowling. It was fun catching up with him, and the bowling was interesting hehe.

Thursday
Off again from work:) Went to the airport with my mom to pick up my aunt. wooo? haha.

Friday
Worked 130-7, then went to Rich's house. We watched Sleepy Hollow. I stayed over this time cause my parents thought i was sleeping over at virginias:P It was fun getting to talk to him and stuff

Saturday
Worked 330-1030. blah

Sunday
Worked 7am till noon, then went home and we had our family party. Then I went to Libbys and we(plus laurel virginia and nichole) had a sleepover:D It was an interesting night of consuming lots of chocolate milk(hehe to meghan and amanda who know what this is) and interesting phone call dares to certain boys ;)....it made me miss school a lot. I can't wait to go back to clarion <3

Mondayyy
thats today....ive spend all afternoon watching Gossip Girl cause theres nothing else to do!:P

Random Goal

2010-06-29T10:42:00.000-04:00

You know...I'm gonna pick a month and actually try and have a post for every day....maybe once I get back to school and different things actually happen every day:P

Secret Text Conversations

2010-06-29T10:27:00.002-04:00

Soooo LAST monday....
Worked

Tuesday
Worked(this is what happens when i dont update cause i cant remember what all i did!:( ) OH! and i went to Richs house and we watched New Moon and Sweeny Todd.

Wednesday
MY BIRTHDAY!! I sat around the house:P

Thursday
I really cant remember Thursday....i think i was just home the whole day. oh! my dad and i went to south park shops for a bit, then to giant eagle to pick up my paychecks and stick those in the bank.

Friday
Woke up and nearly passed out....somehow got down the stairs only to answer the phone where my boss asked me to come into work early...so i worked 11-6 or something like that. then i went home and ate dinner, then went to richs house and watched v for vendetta.

Saturday
worked 130-830...came home and just chilled

Sunday
worked 10-5 and then went to Pauls grad party. Kayla and I started talking about music ed stuff, then the two of us and luke went to get food. we ate, then dan was texting me about him being bored so i walked over to the table where he and his parents were sitting and talked to them for a bit. then amy came back from her vacation with katie and them, so dan said that he and i could pick her up from katies house but mr fahringer and mrs fahringer went instead, so dan and luke and i just talked about whatever for a bit:P fahringer parents came back and i talked with them more. and that was that

Monday(yay being caught up!)
had a paid "good customer service" meeting from 8-12(but the meeting only went till 11...we just got paid for 4 hours instead of just three....woooo) and then i came home and fed kimmys cat next door and then went with my sister to the mall and stuff to get amy fahringers birthday gift(a blue moose!!) and of course a hoops & yoyo card:P<3 Then i went to the fahringers and spent the rest of the evening there. once again....texting dan from opposite ends of the house:P got into a fight with him too cause he blamed random things on me so i hit him..he grabbed my wrists....usual moria and dan throwdowns hahaha. built a fire at the end....that was sweet.

Tuesday
so....today...i dont have to work until 330....but i woke up at 830...and decided not to go back to sleep. whats wrong with me?!:P anywho...ive been a computer couch potato(except my bed and not the couch lol) all morning. Now I'm actually going to find food for lunch hehe. then maybe clean a bit since we have 40 people coming over sunday:P

Philadelphia

2010-06-20T21:14:00.003-04:00

Ok so I guess it wasn't actually Philly that we went to 'cause we weren't anywhere near the city....but:

Friday(game plan day)
I worked from 2-630. woo. but during all that, Rich Joyce was bored and his plans to go see Yetter in Philly area failed, so he said he wanted to kidnap me and take me to go visit Sarah for the weekend, so I said ok:P So we came up with this game plan that I'd go to Kristen Carfangs for the day and we'd just visit Tara or Meghan since they lived nearby. But then we would end up visiting all these other people and watch a movie and wouldn't be awake enough to drive home(or something like that). So here's how that conversation went with my mom/dad

Moria: hey mom
Mom: yes dear?
Moria: wow....you didnt say no right away this time
Dad:well then no you cant do it
Moria: Well I was just wondering if I--
Mom: You're not going to Clarion to see that show
Moria:.....how about Monroeville?
Mom:hm....Monroeville is fine. Going to see Meghan?
Moria: yeah and kristen and tara since they live nearby.
Mom: sure...you can do that

:D:D:D:D:D

SO!

Satuday(<3 day)
Got up at like 630:P Went to Richs and then we drove to Sarahs house. It was a lot of fun...I found someone else who likes country music!!!! hehe=] We had a lot of fun just going down the turnpike singing along to music with a hand out the window to feel the wind:) And we had some fun chats along the way too, and joked around a lot:D So we got to Sarahs and then to the drivers center cause rich wanted to take his CDL permit test but he had to have been there before 2, so that didnt work, so we went back to sarahs. Then rich found an airsoft-type rifle and started shooting a mt dew bottle while sarah and i chatted on a swing. Then we went to Giant for ice cream and hot dog buns for dinner stuff:P After, we played foosball and then ate dinner, and then played badmitton for a while. Then we climbed the "wildlife observation tower"(they have a random like tree fort type thing that they shoot squirrels and stuff from but they have animal rights activist neighbors...so yeah:P) and sat up there talking about Greek stuff and problems within the fraternities and such. Then we went inside and watched The Notebook, where I did in fact tear up at the end, once again, but didnt break down this time! Except Rich decided to go back to the end credits again cause the sad song at the end made me still upset. the jerk:P but its ok cause then sarahs parents went to bed, and sarah went to the basement for her webcam date on skype with her boyfriend scotty, so rich and i watched twilight(his pick cause he hadnt seen it:P) and laid on the couch so it was all a good night. Then the movie was over and sarah finished her date, so i made rich get up so we could go to sleep. He crashed on sarahs brothers old bed flat like a pancake and it was funny. Sarah and I then stayed up chatting till 330 when i had to get up at 6, haha:D

Sunday
well....we drove home. Still got to jam to random music on my iPod the whole way home:) Then I went back to my house and read for a bit. Then we went to my grandpas apartment thing and then to dinner at DeLallos for fathers day/my birthday dinner. And now I'm here....where I've been all night...on the computer and running on 3 hours of sleep:P And now I have to work from 830 to 330, so I'm off to sleep. Night all!!!:D

Weekly Review

2010-06-17T21:59:00.002-04:00

Quick catch-up

Tuesday
Most of these days involve doing nothing...so here's the fun stuff I did:P
Went to Richs house. We watched Employee of the Month :D

Wednesday
SPEP(eat n park) with Libby and Virginia. Then we went to a childrens playground, then to this gazebo/pond spot. Then to Ritas, then to Libbys to hang out for a little while. Went home and ate dinner, then to the Fahringers. Amy, Kim, and I went to Amys church to take labels off a ton of books(we're moving them later. her Girl Scout Gold Award project). All the while Rich Joyce went for a random drive around pittsburgh and said how nice mt lebanon was(which ironically was where i was at too haha). So then we went back to the Fahringers for a fire, then megan and i went and picked up nichole and kelly, and then met Rich at Eat N Park. Then I dropped everyone off and Rich and I went to this park until like 130am which was a lot of fun :D

Thursday(today)
Worked 1130-330, came home and realized I didnt feel too well, so I ate like half a piece of pizza for dinner then went up and crashed for two hours. Now I'm eating soup and drinking tea and blogging and chatting people. Maybe watching gossip girl or a movie or something :P

Fail Fire

2010-06-14T14:33:00.002-04:00

So Saturday night, Rich Joyce came over(what a surprise:P) and we went to Wal-Mart so he could get some stuff for his car, then went back to my house and attempted to get a good fire going outside(it failed:P we needed true boy scouts to make a good fire...but oh well). Then we went back inside and watched RENT and i didnt cry this time!:P I hid my face during the scenes I knew would upset me but Rich wouldn't let it happen cause he wanted to watch me during those scenes. Blah. Anyhow, then we took a "nap"(yes....at 3am:P) and then went on Facebook and talked about Mafia Wars and Castle Age and all those other games(yes, we're nerds. dont judge:P) and then legit went to sleep. Yesterday I went to Megan's grad party and that was a lot of fun cause I got to hang out with people I haven't seen in forever.

Today was my first day of work, and that was not too bad. I got in at 8 and Lisa(front end manager) toured me and Leah around the "team members only" sections of the store which was fun. Then we bagged for a bit, went on break, and took our OSHA(some safety class on the computer) and then bagged some more. I was supposed to get off at 12, but it was still busy so we stayed till 1230(i ended up staying until 1245 anyhow) So yeah:P Now mom Aimee and I are going shopping at Kohls:D toodles!

Work Orientation

2010-06-12T13:57:00.002-04:00

So after only FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP!!!!.....I got up for my wonderful work orientation(which i get paid for!!):P The guy Greg was pretty cool, and the time didn't like drag on or anything, even though it was 2.5 hours long haha. But I filled out like 3478743454 forms of paperwork, and then got my training schedule for this upcoming week. I work monday 8-12, thursday 1130-330, and friday 2-630. I get paid for training too, so this coming week plus my orientation I'll get about 100$ for which is pretty freaking sweet!:D I still would've made more working at Heritage camp, but at least now I'll have money AND the chance to see all my friends still:D umm......so yeah. I have to go to WalMart to get a tent for tonight because I'm camping outside in my backyard:P The fun story to go with this will be tomorrows post hehe=] Now I'm off to make brownies because I crave brownie mix right now:D Oh and yay meghan and amanda both having blogs now, so its not only andrea following mine =P

I probably should practice too...............sigh.

Drumline

2010-06-11T21:30:00.003-04:00

I didnt have a better title, so I used the movie I was watching at the title for tonights post:P
After my last post, nothing too huge happened. I went to the Fahringers house last night. We all ate pizza for dinner and talked about high school band stuff, and then went mini golfing:) I missed hanging with my scout friends....it gave us a chance to all catch up and I'm in the loop on all the new gossip now:P Then we went back and had a bonfire which was a good time. Haha....secret text conversations with Dan about college stuff while telling Kimmy fun stories:P Today I got a call from the welcome orientation guy and I have my work orientation tomorrow from 9 until 12ish. That should be fun. I also cut the grass and looked at vacation stuff for next summer with my mom for a bit. And I collected wood and stuff for a fire tomorrow :) I missed my firepit....this is my kickoff to summer at my house hehe. Rich is coming over and we're camping out or something like that haha. Now I'm just kinda relaxing and watching the first season of Gossip Girl and stuff. I miss Clarion, and my college friends. Hopefully I'll get to go visit and see Oliver! once its showing.

My First Interview

2010-06-10T14:29:00.002-04:00

Soooo....I got the job at Giant Eagle!!:D I was so nervous it was crazy:P But I talked to this guy travis, and then a woman i think named Lisa...and then travis was like yeah she liked you and i liked you so we're offering you the job:) So yeah...after the drug test and background test clear I'll get a call for some paid orientation thing and then I start training :D

Now...for some really amazing news....I get to attend the grand opening for the Accelerando Music Conservatory in Canonsburg(about a half hour away) tomorrow night. I'm uber psyched for that, because depending on the cost, I might get to do a 2 week 9am-2pm music camp there, and the day after that ends is this huge perfomance. I'm really hoping I can get work scheduled around that so I can do it:P

Music Layout

2010-06-10T01:00:00.004-04:00

I found a music blog layout!!!! And all my backgrounds on the desktop, laptop, and the four lock screen/wallpapers for my touch screen phone all have to do with music<3 im a freak...but its ok :D

Just to mess with Amanda...

After my last post, I did my study skills (or whatever class it is) test and got an 8/10 which isnt bad i guess:P I did the other assignments too, so I'm keeping up to date with everything :) Went to Rich Joyce's house for the evening. Watched him play some evolution worlds game for a bit, then we watched this movie called Moving or Movers or something like that:P A friend from his job at the moving company gave it to him to watch. I thought it'd be stupid, but we thought it was pretty hilarious. Then we took a "nap" then I watched him play games for a bit longer and then I came home.

Interview tomorrow(well..today..actually in 11 hours)! wish me luck!

Still listening to To Sir, With Love <3 I love Glee:D
Still reading Prozac Nation and Just Listen(again). Prozac Nation is about a girl and her experience with depression and her use of various drugs and things....its ok....starting to get boring though. Hence why I picked Just Listen to read along with it.

To Sir, With Love

2010-06-09T14:12:00.002-04:00

So let me tell you...I absolutely love this wireless router:D I love having the ability to be able to be on the internet at any spot in the house.....when its nice out again(its raining off and on today) I may have to see how far outside I can get it. I hope it still is connected outside at least to my spot on the deck so I can write(i type-write usually) outside on my bench.

Yesterday was a lot of fun:) I got my hair shortened to just below my chin, so I'm happy about that. I called the manager of Giant Eagle, and they had me schedule an interview with them for tomorrow at 1230...so thats extremely exciting :D Rich Joyce came over too, which was fun. We went and walked around the mall to kill time and he bought an extra guitar for guitar hero/rock band(whichever) and I found a 30$ monkey pillow that I'm getting myself for my birthday which is in two weeks:P Then we went back and watched the season finale of Glee, which was pretty amazing....and I found a new love for the song To Sir, With Love(they sang that to Mr. Schuester at the end to thank him). Then we let my dad have the TV, so we went upstairs and watched Evan Almighty and then the first like 10 minutes of A Walk To Remember.

You Can't Hide From What Never Goes Away

2010-06-07T22:48:00.002-04:00

So last night/this morning was interesting to say the least. Megan's birthday party was crazy, and I wasn't even there that long. We sat on the playground for a while talking about old band stuff, and then threw frisbee around for a bit back at the pavillion. Shelby came back to the party with two friends of hers Chris and AJ. They told AJ to bring his car down so we could listen to music, but he gave his keys to Chris, and Chris backed the car into Kuchma's sideview mirror(no damage though so its all good). After that, everyone started to go home and Shelby, Nichole, and I went to Elm Tree Park to wait for Mike to finish dinner and meet us there to talk. By the time Mike got there, Shelbys dad said she had to go home, so we took her home and dropped Nichole off too. Then Mike and I went back to the front entrance of the park and just sat there and talked for three hours, and I missed that so much. I got to tell him about all my boy confusion and I got advice or clarity on everything and I feel a lot better now after that conversation :)

So today I went to the library with my mom and sister. Aimee got out some random books, but I got out some CDs to add to my computer and decided that's what I'll be doing once a week is getting more out. They have a ton of musicals and stuff that I haven't bought yet, so this works! =] And we got a wireless router, so now I can be in my room on the computer!:D

Pow-Wow

2010-06-06T00:58:00.002-04:00

so last weekend I went to Custaloga Town Scout Reservation for Pow-Wow which was amazing!!!:D and I got to go camping again, which i love doing :) since then, I went to Mr. B's concert thing, also to his retirement picnic. Went to Eat N' Park with Andrea, Libby, and Andrew after that. Then wednesday I went bowling with mike libby and andrew, thursday I went to Rich Joyce's house for the night. We watched Requiem for a Dream(majorly screwed up movie about addictions!!!! its crazy stuff!) and Avatar(yes....I finally gave in and saw it..). Then Friday I went bowling with Mike, Libby, Andrew, and Rich(also to eat n park after). Today(yesterday...whatever) I went to my cousins grad party :) and tomorrow(but technically its today) im going to Megan Wetzel's belated birthday party which im excited for :)

All that Sunshine-y Stuff

2010-05-25T11:22:00.002-04:00

So it's been amazing, yet also boring, being home so far. A few days after I came home, Rich came to see me and we watched National Treasure 2. Then two days later, I hung out with Andrew(Angel). As far as I can remember, we went to Wal-Mart and then the mall where I got a new phone=] From there I've gone to Eat N Park with people after concerts and things. I've hung out with Virginia a lot. I made a trip to Clarion last weekend(my parents thought I stayed at Virginias) which was amazing. I picked up Jeremy and we met Shane, Chris, and Janet at the County Seat for lunch. All of us then went for ice cream, and then Janet went to work, so we went to Chris' house to play ping pong for a bit. Once shane had to leave for work, Jeremy and I left too and went back to his house. Since it was his little brother Logan's I think 7th birthday, I went with his family to Fox's Pizza for dinner and then to the Cranberry Mall to see Shrek 4, which wasn't too bad:P Then Jeremy and I went for a walk in the woods around his house while walking his two dogs, Rocky and Cocoa. I also pet a horse(sort of...the top of its nose...) for the first time too!:D Then we hung out in his room talking and stuff till we went to sleep.

Now I get to go to Clarion friday to visit some people for a few hours, and then go to Custaloga Town for this big Native American song/dance festival camping trip with Janet and Shane and a bunch of other Boy Scouts I know. Thats going to be a blast=]

Random Freshman Memories

2010-05-08T23:20:00.002-04:00

So these are in order by the first college pictures of me to the most recent ones...but there's gonna be extra stuff in between:P

1.Meeting the "Weasley" family
2.Getting Marian The Librarian from Clarion as my first BIG!=]
3.There's urinals in the girls bathrooms!!!
4.Get-to-know-the-freshman dance game(state name, etc. then you make a dance move. person next to you has to do your move and theirs....so on and so forth)
5.Train Wreck(the game--dangerous stuff)
6.GEMB Scavenger Hunt
7.Ninja!!
8.Carnival madness
9.Couch pictures
10.Hua!........tweet!(love Passion)
11.Everyone wearing black for band camp for Dr. Toney's birthday:P
12.Drive-In Movie Night!!
13.Kyle Purnell's Magic Tricks =]
14."If you know who Nuwh was on top of in Kristen's car"
15.Fitting 13 people in a 5-person little yellow Neon<3
16.TBS Cupcake Decorating/Sardines game in the Boyd:P
17.Winston/Watson...Kevin's rape bear:P
18.Adventures taking pictures with Watson/Winston:P
19."Angel-rape"
20.Spin the bottle(fall semester)
21.Spin the bottle(spring semester)
22.Train Wreck(the drink...:P)
23.Water Balloon rugby!
24.Sliding down a muddy hill
25."All of your promises won't let go of me"
26.APhiO Rush events
27.Getting my APO Bid <3
28.broken pledge pins(yay not mine!)
29.Bridget as my Alpha Phi Omega BIG!
30.Kenzi adopting me as a band little
31.Dart gun fights at big-little night
32.The Cupcake War of 2009=]
33.O Brian Maul song
34.Michael Beightley...he's the only tuba major here
35.Bo Burnham and Ben Bailey anyone?:P
36.awkwardly-shaped water balloons
37.Eric and Erin's "wedding"
38.Somebody call 911!!!
39.GEMB Halloween party
40.Wesminster APhiO Haunted Bio-Trail
41.Banshee screams and chainsaws
42.Chelsea coming up with my parents to see me!!:D
43.BestFriend Sponge!!(Nuwh's Hair!)
44.7 Deadly Sins, God, Satan, and 2 Heralds as a halloween group:P
45.APhiO Region V Conference at Case Western Reserve University!
46.3 random U of Louisville brothers crashing with us:P
47.Smuggling chewy bars!
48.Meep the platypus
49.The Cleveland Shuffle
50.Service Rocks!
51.Truck driving backwards on the highway
52."pretend like you just saw a baby get its head chopped off"
53.Sleeping on the floor of the Boyd at 4am:p
54.Allentown weekend...enough said
55.pie Kristen in the face
56.Random Pittsburgh trips!!:D
57.Ninja on the trolley
58.APhiO Activation
59.TBS Quaker Steak run:P
60.TBS Christmas Caroling
61."I wonder if it would fit"
62."If I tapped that, it would die"
63.Hannah being my TBS big=]
64.Jaws theme during piano
65.TBS Degrees
66.Dream Echoes
67.Beta Phi-eeeeeee:P
68.MAJOR!!!....minor..:P
69."Don't make Justin's face at me!"
70.Jeremy being my little=] <3
71.Second Semester APhiO rush week
72.The Dead Puppies song(curse Joe and Jake)
73.Adventures with Nanners
74.having the same waitress when we go to eat n park at 11pm:P
75.The Bird is the Word
76.APhiO Bowling night!
77.Phi Mu Alpha Singing Valentines <33333333333
78.Pep Band....fun??:P
79.Oooooh, shiny!(in sign language)
80.PMEA Conference!
81.Mini-Golfing at the Dugout
82.paddle made of legos!:D
83.Moria's Face....the song by jake.
84.Trips to the Tressle
85.Balloon boobs on jake at the 40th
86.Cellblock!
87.Lying in the middle of a 55 mph road at 10 at night:P
88.Walks with Dylan
89.Graveyard walks with BrianMaul
90.Cuddling with........well....everyone<3
91.Washington D.C with Amanda
92.Combined Big-Little/Joe Bazzone bonding time!!
93.Celery Fights
94.Swimming in the river:P
95.Shut the FUR up
96.APhiO movie-lockin
97.Gemmell-A-Thon.
98.Right up the teeth
99.Burrito, Taco, Volcano Taco, Tortada, and quesadilla
100!."Don't make me screporate you two!" <3

That's all for now. There's so many other inside jokes I'll edit later, haha.

End of Freshman Year Finals

2010-05-04T18:08:00.002-04:00

So I haven't been near a computer long enough to sit and post anything, and I apologize:P But I'll just give this week's wonderful amount of stuff I still have to do. I already did my Aural Skills final, which went fairly well I think, except I always mess up sightsinging, which I have to work a ton at over the summer if I manage to pass this semester. I also took my math final, which I'll have to retake because I was almost failing the class itself, and I'm pretty sure I bombed the final=\ But here's my basic schedule for the rest of this week=]

Tuesday
730-9 Intro to World Studying
9-10 Glee with KP =]
10-1 Ed Found Notes

Wednesday
9-930 Breakfast
930-10 Piano Practice
1012-1024 Piano Playing Final
1030-2 Ed Found Notes/Lunch
2-4 Ed Found Final
4-5/6 Flute Practice(need to do rep. record!)
Dinner/Whatever from there....
Time Trials for Theory
Theory Hymn Project=]

Thursday
Shane's for a little while maybe? And practicing flute
420-430 Jury
To/back to Shane's house for ziplining=]

Friday
10-11 Theory Final(present hymn projects. if my time trials are done, then the finals over after the presentations. if not, I have to finish them there)
11-2 Lunch, min-golfing and ice cream at the Dugout with Janet :)
2-4 Percussion Final
4-730 Free Time =](tressle with janet and joel?)
730-930 Wind Ensemble Commencement rehearsal
930pm-whenever Tressle if we didnt already go.....party after=]

Saturday
10-12 Commencement
12-2 Pack up the car
2-4 Walk around town with parents
4-Go home=]

Washington D.C.

2010-03-31T23:37:00.002-04:00

Friday-So we got on the bus and left..obviously. I sat with Amanda and she crocheted and listened to her iPod while I listened to my music and slept. We stopped at Sheetz on the way and got some random food, then later we went to Cracker Barrell with Dr. Alviani and Rachel. I love those...mostly because of the cute gift shop before you get into the restaurant part=] I got a cute pirate monkey for my collection and a slinky for jeremy cause other people broke his=\ I'm gonna put that with the shot glasses(he collects them)to give to him at the APhiO induction in a few weeks for his Big-Little gift=] About an hour-ish later we arrived in D.C. We dropped our stuff off, then Amanda and Rachel and Dr. Alviani and I walked around Georgetown(the little section of town the hotel was in)for a while and Doc A stopped and got ice cream at this place that has like 200 flavors of ice cream!!! So yeah, then we went back to the hotel and just kinda chilled out for a little on the computer, and then went to bed.

Saturday-Woke up got dressed and all, and hopped on the bus and rode it through the city and we got off about 2 blocks off of Chinatown(which was small...and disappointing). Amanda and I went to the Koshland Museum of Science(or something like that) which was cool. It was basically a one-floor set of displays and activities on global warming and also diseases and their causes and stuff. Being that this was the kind of science I love, I really liked the place and I'd definitely go there again. Then Amanda and I went to McDonalds which was awesome 'cause it had jazz music pictures everywhere=] After, we went to the National Museum of Crime and Punishment which was AWESOME! It was really sweet to see old criminals like Bonnie&Clyde and then up to Al Capone, and now all the way up to like...Bin Laden:P I wish we would've had more time so I could've actually read all of the displays(you could spend a whole day in there!) So then we walked over and at a hot dog in the International Spy Cafe, and then went into the actual National Spy Museum and that was pretty sweet too. I bought two shirts, a spy pen(invisible ink w/ blacklight), a deck of Ninja cards, and 2 shot glasses for Jeremy. Then we headed over to the Art Museum(I'll get the name later..its the National Museum of Art and...something. It was a Smithsonian thing) The art and stuff there was amazing, and we got to listen to choir after we walked around and they sounded fantastic=] So then we went across the way a bit to the National Air and Space Museum, which was pretty sweet, and I got a bunch of astronaut ice cream=D Then we just walked around and took pictures forever:D Then we got back on a bus and went to the hotel to check back in with Doc A, and then Amanda and I went to our room to chill on the computer, then went to the John F's Cafe/Lounge for a nice dinner, then back up to the room.

Sunday-Woke up, packed, and we went to the white house area to take pictures, then went to the Arlington Cemetary which was beautifully organized with the headstones and flower arrangements and the buildings, but yet depressing to see like a hundred thousand or something pure white gravestones in there. Then we went to KFC/Taco Bell for a late lunch, and headed back to Clarion.

Fate Lies In A Corndog

2010-03-31T23:31:00.001-04:00

So I wanted to write a poem during Applied Music Seminar, so I told my friend Amanda to pick a topic for me. An inside lunch joke was remembered, so she picked corndogs as my topic for the poem:P So here it is:

Fate Lies In A Corndog

The sun beats down on my face
As I walk throughout the amusement park.
I see a food stand, my stomach grumbles
So I walked up to the counter and placed my order.
The guy at the stand went to give me my corndog;
But when I went to take it, so did someone else.
I turned to tell them off, but I was caught by surprise,
Seeing the beautiful face of a boy staring straight into my eyes.
We both stuttered exchanging greetings and names,
Trying not to turn red as we offered up the single corndog.
We made a decision to split it and walked around together,
And then proceeded to ride a few coasters.
Three summers later, we still go to the same amusement park,
We split a corndog, eating it and holding hands while we walk around.
And something anyone would’ve never expected…
Who’d have thought fate could lie in a corndog?

Pop Quizzes aren't much fun

2010-03-26T23:55:00.004-04:00

Tuesday
So we had a pop quiz in Aural Skills=\ But I think I did alright on it. Then I went to breakfast as usual, went to the MENC meeting and then to lunch. After, I went back to my room and watched some tv show episodes I missed, then went to wind ensemble. Then, as usual, I went to choir, but instead of going to math, I went to a D.C. meeting. Then I ate dinner, went to woodwind ensemble, and then to the APhiO pledge class.

Wednesday
It's been a week....I honestly can't remember what all happened last week anymore. So here's the interesting stuff. Went to AphiO later in the evening, then to Jake's apartment with him, Jeremy, Joe, and Amanda for combined Big-Little/Joe bonding time=]

Thursday-nothing happened that was interesting enough to remember:P

Friday-D.C <333 That's a whole other post I'll start working on now=] And then I'll do another for this week right after.

St. Patrick's Day, Movie Lock-ins, and Musicals

2010-03-19T19:11:00.005-04:00

Wednesday theory was boring, but afterwards was great! I got coffee and took it to Scotty J's room and got some Bailey's put in it:P Good stuff....definitely have to do that every St. Patty's day. Went to piano after downing the whole coffee, and had a great piano class(we got out 10 minutes early). Then lunch and symphonic band was fun. I get solos in almost every piece we're playing and its exciting =] Dinner afterwards was hilarious as usual. Then I went to MENC Choir which I love a lot because I really like the music we're doing. After, Amanda and I talked on the phone with her mother, and then went to APhiO, where we passed notes back and forth between us and Jake the whole time :P Then we sang afterwards and played ninja in the STC. Then Jess wanted corn beef so we walked to the Loomis but it was closed=\ So Jess, Kristen, Jeremy, Amanda, Jake, and I went to Eat N' Park and had an absolute blast :D Then we went back and I went up to Jeremy/Scotty J's room to see who all was drunk, got about a million hugs, and went back down to Kenzi's room. Eventually Nick came down and was saying all this crazy stuff 'cause he was just gone. Later Kenzi and I took care of Scotty most of the night 'cause he got sick, while Angel and Jeremy checked on Ross.

Thursday, since I didn't sleep more than a few hours, I literally skipped all my classes. I woke up at 1-something and went to Lunch. Then being that I was 10 minutes late for wind ensemble(i was planning on going to that and math)and I had just finished eating, I missed that too. So I went with a bunch of people to the rugby field and just hung out on the hill for a little while, then we all went and played hide and seek in the woods for a bit. After, the girls went and watched 27 Dresses while the guys were upstairs playing video games. But Jerm came down after a while and laid with me on Katrinas bed and watched the movie with us=] Then we went to dinner, and played capture the flag later that evening which was a blast.

Friday I got up and went to theory. Then, since Reg was in Peru and I didn't have a lesson, I went to breakfast with Meghan Amanda and Steph and then we went to Wal-Mart with Amy and had a good time. Then Amanda and I went to Becht Hall and turned in our money for the DC trip. After that, we went to Meghan and Steph's room to get them, and headed over to Still Hall. We laid outside soaking up some sun for about an hour and a half, and then went to McDonalds with a bunch of people for dinner. I then went to Chandy to eat with Kenzi and Jeremy and Dylan(I only got fruit though) After we went back to Kenzi's and just did whatever until it was time to leave for the theater. We had a Movie Lock-In where we saw Alice in Wonderland, Repo Man, and Bounty Hunter. I loved Alice once again, fell asleep during Repo Man(don't know how...it was so loud) but the parts I saw was alright, and adored Bounty Hunter. We got back at 7am and I went to sleep until about 11.

Saturday-Got up at 11 and took a shower, then went over to Jeremy's room to make sure he was up. Then my parents got here, and we left Clarion for the day=] We stopped at Burger King for lunch, and then went to my house. Jeremy played his bass on the deck for a little bit, and then the two of us and my sister went to Ritas since it was free Ritas day=D Then we went and ate it in South Park at my favorite spot with the gazebo and the pond. We hung out there just enjoying the weather for a while, and then went back home. Jerm and I hung out on my swingset for a bit and then we all ate dinner, and then hung out in the basement while my mom dropped my sister off at school. Then we all went and saw Kiss Me Kate, which actually wasn't too bad at all. Then we dropped my sister off at cast party, and Jeremy and I talked and cuddled and watched Hook after my parents went to bed. At 1:30 we picked up my sister and Kim from the cast party and went home and went to bed.

Sunday-We woke up early and went shopping in Grove City before heading back to Clarion. Jerm got some sort of cheese dip stuff and a slinky and I bought him and I both chinese yo-yo things at a candy store:P We had a good time just walking around together enjoying the nice weather. After we got back to school, we went over and visited Kenzi and Kristen. Then a ton of us went swimming, and played ninja in front of Still afterwards. Then Kenzi and I went to dinner and then we had our TBS meeting and then second degree. We went to McDonalds afterwards for dessert. Then we had an entertaining car ride on the way back :P Then I got changed and went to Jerm's room, but he and I left to go walk to Gemmell to pick up Jake who was walking from Eagle Park. He came with us back to Nair and the three of us and Kenzi cuddled on Scotty J's bed while we talked for an hour-ish.

Monday-Finally caught up with my blog!!:P After getting basically no sleep this entire weekend, I've been exhausted like all day. Theory was boring, we learned figured bass which is a little difficult for now, and barely staying awake didn't help at all. Then Amanda Joe and I went to breakfast. Joe went to his lesson, and Amanda and I went upstairs in Gemmell and laid on the couches to rest for a bit...but ended up falling alseep and missing piano. We woke up at 1230 and ate a quick lunch. Then we went to percussion class and took notes for Ed Found while taking percussion notes:P Ed Found wasn't as bad as it usually is. I generally have to write out a full weeks schedule to take up 20 minutes:P But this time, we went over the midterm, had a random fire drill, took the chapter test, and then basically distracted Stalker from everything the whole time. Then I got to practice flute for a little bit, and had fun in symphonic band. Dinner was hilarious as usual, and then Jake Joe Amanda and I went and hung out on this huge rock for a while just joking around and stuff. Amanda and I grabbed our laptops after and went to Gemmell and studied for our MC test. MC classes were fun, and very short this time. Now I'm working obviously on my blog...but I'm also going to watch Secret Life of the American Teenager and also Greek since I have to make up those episodes from last week before they get taken off the ABC Family website. I have to do my melodic dictation worksheets, and my intro to world music written assignment and quiz. Then I have another problem or two in math to do, and then I'm done with the homework due tomorrow =] I have a ton more for wednesday though, which means I get to hide in the cave that is my room again tomorrow:P

ANTHONY RAPP!!!!!!

2010-03-16T23:48:00.003-04:00

So I'm back at school now, and I've been having a pretty great time so far this week.
Sunday as soon as I got back I saw Jeremy and his family, then went and dropped my stuff off. Right after saying goodbye to my parents, Kristen Jess and Kenzi pulled into the parking lot, so I helped them carry stuff up to Kenzi/Kristen's room. Then Kenzi and I went up to Jeremy's room for a bit, then went back downstairs to wait for Dylan. Once Dylan got there, he and Jeremy and I went for a walk down Main St. and around the track a few times. Then we all went to dinner and I saw more friends and then a bunch of us went and played soccer in an upper lot and then went and played Ninja in the basement of Nair for a while, and we were joined by more wonderful people =] Then everybody left, so Dylan and I talked for a few minutes, I went back and unpacked my stuff, and went to bed.

Monday was fun as well I suppose. In theory we started learning triads, which I already knew about, but writing ones on the board was actually fun. Piano...that class is just silly nowadays, yet I still like it=] Got a B on my midterm!:P After, we ate lunch and went to percussion class, where we practiced snare, then took notes on basically nothing, then signed up for our snare test:P Skipped Ed Found since we didn't have a chapter test, so I went back to my room and took a shower and worked on stuff. Symphonic Band was amazing, and I like our pieces we're doing for the next concert. One is a Be Thou My Vision Chorale by Jack Stamp and the other is Symphony No. 4 by Andrew Boysen. I've played pieces by both of them before...last year actually:P Then I ate dinner in Gemmell with Amanda Meghan Jake and Joe, which is always a blast. After that Amanda and I went and hung out with Kenzi and them on the couches and ate ice cream until TBS MC Classes started. MC Class was fun as usual:P Then I went to Kenzi's room and interviewed her and Kristen and then Jeremy and Nuwh and Brittany came downstairs and the four of us went to Wilk and played Taboo with Meghan and Amanda. It was fun <3

Today/yesterday(since I havent gone to sleep yet...but technically its wednesday) was pretty amazing:P We didn't have a pop quiz in aural skills like we expected(which means it'll probably be thursday) and breakfast was delicious. Seminar was boring, and I'm thinking of signing up to perform with Meghan so we don't have to sit through anymore freaking podcast videos or read stupid articles and discuss them. Lunch....I felt a little sick from the smell of all the food in Chandy, so I ended up not even eating, but we had good discussions. Then Scotty J and I went to the Boyd to find Dr. Johnson so Scotty J could add his music minor, but Johnson wasn't there, so we just stood talking about music for a bit, then he got a paper and left. Wind Ensemble...we're playing the same music as Symphonic Band since he's combining the two ensembles for the concert for those two pieces, and probably another one. Then I did a music sort since we didn't have choir, and then went to math which was amazing today....it was so random and fun and I love it=] Then I went for a quick dinner in Gemmell and then went to see Anthony Rapp speak!!! Libby bought me his book forever ago, so when I raised my hand at the Q&A after, I got another book. So Anthony Rapp signed both of them...one for me and one for Libby=] Then I went to Gemmell again and hung out on the couches with some of the APO brothers/pledgelets:P Then went to Nair to watch Kristen dye Kenzi's hair and do homework. Now I'm here...procrastinating on Facebook and blogging:P I really need to work on my Ed Found..but its kind of late now...so I'm going to bed.

ooh! I almost forgot! Dr. Alviani the chorus director is taking a bunch of people to NYC this weekend for a choral festival. I'm not going to that...BUT....next weekend he randomly organized a trip to Washington D.C. just for sighseeing and things like that. $50 for bus fare and two nights at a hotel. Everything else we have to pay for...but it's a trip I thought I wouldn't get to do for a LONG time...and I'm definitely considering going(after I talk to my parents).

Xtreme Bowling Adventure

2010-03-13T22:42:00.002-05:00

So I definitely didn't accomplish anything yesterday after I said I was going to do homework:P I worked on putting up my college pictures on the one wall...ate dinner...and then basically just did random stuff for the rest of the day. Angel got online and asked what there is to do around here so I picked him up and we went to the mall:P Then we were gonna go see a movie--see we planned to go bowling...but had two hours to kill before Xtreme Bowling started--but nothing had either just started, or was starting soon, so we ate dessert at Eat N' Park. Then we walked over to Barnes N' Noble and looked around. I bought two Nicholas Sparks Books(Message in a Bottle and A Bend In The Road. <3 I'm pretty much in love with Nicholas Sparks nowadays:P So yeah then we drove around a bit and then headed to AMF bowling where we met up with Virginia and her friend Adam from school. I definitely had a ton of fun hanging out with them=]

Today I cleaned the living room...went with my parents to take my grandpas car back to his house since we don't need it for another few weeks...finished a book. Now I just printed off a worksheet with a bunch of vocab words and phrases and things that I have to take notes on for a midterm. blah. Back to school tomorrow though!!!=]

Books I'm reading now...

Just finished:
The Lost Boy-Sequel to A Child Called 'It,' this book is all about a boy named Dave Pelzer(the author) who was abused by his mother and ran away, and was put into foster care. I love reading these books because it shows you how lucky you can be sometimes to not be in such a horrible situation. A Child Called 'It' made me cry the first time I read it in 8th grade, and now just makes me angry that a mother would do that to her son...a poor little 8 year old.

Now reading:
Nights in Rodanthe-I haven't actually started it yet...but yeah. A Nicholas Sparks book=]

Observation Day 2

2010-03-12T15:43:00.002-05:00

So today was productive-ish...I guess. Picked Andrea up at 8, and we headed to the school. Mr. K said he needed to work with T21 on stage and stuff, so he had me observe only the concert choir, but I still got credit for both anyways ;)Then we went back to Andrea's so she could eat Cheerios and we pet the dogs. Then we went to Wal-Mart and I got my photo prints done, and I even got some more frames =] Then we went to SPEP(<3) and talked about our schedules for next semester and stuff. Then I dropped Andrea off and went home and helped my dad clean up and organize the crawlspace, then went and worked on my room. I finished my "high school" wall, and only have to move my certificates to above my closet, and the "college" wall. So for the rest of the day, I'm going to work on my Professional Journal Article for Ed Found, maybe do some chapter 6(?) notes, and perhaps work on a pillow or my intro to world music homework. So yeah...toodles!

Dawn Of A New Day

2010-03-11T20:13:00.000-05:00

The sun is just below the horizon now,
After saying it’s last goodbyes for the day.
Slowly the moon creeps up into the sky,
Giving off its welcoming glow.
Many lie in bed thinking of what is and what could be.
They drift off to sleep, forgetting everything,
Clearing their minds and preparing for tomorrow.
Problems of the day escape while they slumber,
And through dreams their greatest wishes will come true.
So let the skies fade to black,
And the dawn of a new day begin.

Observation Day 1

2010-03-11T19:57:00.002-05:00

So for Ed Found for Middle & HS, we are required to do 5 classroom observation hours, so that's what I started today. I picked up Andrea and we went to the school where I watched the Stage Band play, and Mr. Buetzow walked over a few times and asked my opinions on the sound and stuff. Then Andrea went to practice piano and I sat through Freshman Concert Band, which wasn't too bad. Mr. Derby's cool, so his class would be amazing, except those coming from the middle school with Petrossi as a band teacher...don't have any discipline. Poor souls:P Anyways, after that I went over to the ensemble room and listened to Andrea play the SSB, and then I played Dream Echoes and Morning Salute for her(turns out we use the same books!) Then we went to Eat N Park and she had "FOUR CHICKENS!"(chicken tenders....but she made it sound like actual chickens:P--we had fun). We saw Zak Parks there, which was awesome and its his birthday so happy birthday parksie!!=] Then Andrea and I walked around the mall for a bit, and we shopped at Hallmark for cards since she's doing a project with American Greetings and had to buy them. Then we went to Rite Aid and Wal-Mart and did the same thing. It was a fun day all around. OH! And it was absolutely beautiful outside today....I ADORE the sun so much this week:)

Remodeling my room

2010-03-10T23:06:00.002-05:00

Today I really didn't do much of anything at all. I woke up and read for a little while, started putting pictures in frames, then went to my dentist cleaning/orthodontist appointment. Then mom and I went to Giant Eagle to get stuff for dinner, then went home and I had to go back out to the one store to get easter candy for her:P We ate dinner, I started hanging things in my room, picked up my sister from musical, and then decorated my room some more:P Now tomorrow I need to get blank CDs to put a set of pictures on to take to Wal-Mart to get prints so I can finish my room before I leave=] Tomorrow and Friday I'm picking up Andrea and we're going to the school for observation hours(for me....piano practicing and visiting for her:P) and then to eat, and then something after I'd assume. So that's it for now. I really need to work on my homework...and get my pillow for my big done....and finish the blankets I got the material for back before christmas:P

The Workout Trail Experience

2010-03-09T23:06:00.002-05:00

So today was really fun=] I picked up Angel(andrew) and we went to the mall, where we just kinda walked around and did whatever for a bit. He sold some old games and stuff and got Store Credit for GameStop. Then we went to Chik Fil A for lunch and then to south park. We went to that gazebo area thing and threw ice into the pond, and then walked the little trail thing, and pretended like we were doing the little workout stops they put up. It was entertaining:P After, we went to Wal-Mart to see if his grandfather was still there, but we think we had just missed him. So then i dropped Angel back off at his house, and went to the Galleria to see Dear John with Andrea and her mom. Since I've never read the book, I loved it(I love all Nicholas Sparks movies so far). It did make me sad though when the guys father was in the hospital and then died 'cause I absolutely lost it during those scenes because I had suddenly filled myself with memories of the fact that I just lost both my grandmothers and I cried a ton:( But the movie itself was good...and I might have to read the book soon. I actually really want to read all the Nicholas Sparks books by the end of this summer...that'll be a goal:P

Spring Break

2010-03-08T21:30:00.003-05:00

So I love break so far<3 I'm a little bored, but I do have a ton that I could be doing where I wouldn't be:P Today Virginia and I went to SPEP and had a great time talking about boys and school:P then we drove around south park behind each other and blasted music from our cars. we took pictures at this one spot with a gazebo and a pond. Then we went to Wal-Mart and took pictures with random things:P For the rest of the afternoon/evening I've basically done nothing...went to the school to pick my sister up from musical and I got to ask Mr Buetzow and Mr Kuczawa about coming to the school to do my observation hours for this class I have, and they said I could go in thursday or friday :)

Big Little Night and such

2010-03-05T22:45:00.002-05:00

Yeah I can't remember what all has happened since my last post. I went bowling last weekend with my brothers of APhiO=] I hung out with everyone....went to my concerts. The symphonic band/wind ensemble concert was amazing. I got to play flute for the mens Danny Boy song =] Omnia Sol is officially my favorite choral song ever right now :D The wind ensemble/chamber singers concert was so much fun. Now I'm home for spring break:D OH! and we had big-little night for APhiO...my little is Jeremy <3 We were already amazingly good friends, so squeezing in big-little time....won't be a problem at all ;) Now I'm watching Fiddler on the Roof 'cause I'm already bored haha. OH and I also wrote another poem which I'll post eventually once I type it up. Yeah...thats it for now.

LAUNCH

2010-02-18T23:55:00.002-05:00

So let me catch up on this past weeks worth of events =]

Saturday-Athletic Band...wrestling matches are extremely boring..just sayin:P But Dr. Toney did tell me I did a good job on my wind ensemble playing exam...which makes me happy=]

Sunday-Valentine's Day wasn't as bad as I thought:P One of my best friends named Mike Schaefer came down to see me on his way back to Bethel Park which was amazing. We went to brunch where he met a bunch of friends and then we went back and Jeremy came along so I could give him his Alpha Phi Omega bid=] Then Jeremy left to go to his best friend Jake's for the day, and Mike and I played spit(the card game) and he taught me the basics of Euchre. Then I got notice to go up to the 7th floor and the brothers of Phi Mu Alpha did their singing valentine thing for Amy and Meghan(courtesy of Me Jess and Amanda:D). After that Amanda and I got changed and went to the Tau Beta Sigma invitational while Mike chilled on the couches in Gemmell like 10 feet over:P Then we went with the sisters of TBS to dinner at Perkins and played Euchre and had a fantastic time=D Then Mike, Amanda, Meghan, Erin, and I went to see the movie Valentine's Day which was hilarious and absolutely amazing to say the least:P Then Mike dropped Amanda and I off and headed home. Amanda and I walked into Wilk to my floor to find half the sisters of TBS outside my door and we got bids to join TBS which of course we accepted=]

Monday-Monday was Monday:P Theory was meh, Piano was alright, lunch was fun, percussion was hilarious, ed found was boring, and symphonic band was good. After that I went to Gemmell for dinner with Meghan, BrianMaul, Joe, and my twins(Amanda and Jake). I love hanging out with them=] Then I went swimming with Jeremy and we had a blast, and then Meghan and I went to Brian and Jakes to play Apples to Apples, which was fun 'cause Jake had never played it before(poor thing:P).

Tuesday-HORRIBLE DAY!!! Started when we all failed our first Aural Skills quiz, then we sat through an hour video in seminar. My mom texted me asking if I was in class and I said yes, but I'd call in a few minutes when I got out. So I called her and the first thing she said to me was that my other grandma had passed away that morning...yeah not the best phone call. So I went to lunch with friends and tried to distract myself and meghan says her mother texted her saying to call when she got a chance. I told her she shouldnt cause it wont be good, and it wasnt. Her brother was in the hospital coughing up blood and they didnt know what was wrong with him =\ So it was crappy up until later that evening when the Alpha Phi Omega Induction happened. Seven new pledges yay!! Jeremy, Amanda, Brittany, Emily, Trisha(Tricia?), Curt, and Clark are our new pledgelets:P And we already picked littles and I'm super excited for Big-Little night=] We went to Eat N' Park after which is always super fun.

Wednesday-Same classes as Monday...just about the same mood for each, only I didn't go to Ed Found:P Amanda and I practiced sightsinging for aural skills instead:P Ate dinner in Gemmell again with my giant crowd of the same wonderful people, with Kenzi and Chris added to the bunch haha. Then Amanda and I walked Meghan to Eagle Park and then came back for our APhiO meeting=] Then I went back and hung out with Kenzi Kristen Jess and Jeremy for a bit, then went to my room and did my Jazz quiz for Intro to World Music.

Thursday-Aural Skills wasn't so bad, Dr. Teske helped us prepare for our tests this next week. Went to breakfast with Amanda and Joe afterwards and we just hung out in Gemmel for half an hour:P Woodwind Ensemble was alright. Then I went to my dorm and packed and my parents got me and I came home. Since then I've just been moving stuff around the house and just hung out. I did my Launch part of the L.E.A.D.S program for APhiO(stands for Launch, Explore, Achieve, Discover, and Serve). That was a two hour interactive web seminar and it was pretty fun=]

Bacon tootsie rolls and Bids

2010-02-12T22:30:00.002-05:00

So tonight was the last Rush event for Alpha Phi Omega, and everything went pretty well. It was basically most of the brothers plus Kyle and Amanda, which was fine because we did karaoke to old pop music like Nsync and stuff:P Nate and Kyle decided to sing different topics for each song, and one was bacon so they were naming a bunch of different things you can make with bacon, including bacon tootsie rolls:P Then I went with Amanda to pick up her boyfriend-fiance-thing(!):P and we went back and Amanda and Kyle got their bids:D Then we went and gave out the rest of the bids to the people who were still on campus tonight. We're going to finish them tomorrow. I also have Athletic Band tomorrow....and even though theyre two wrestling matches, its still pretty fun=] I still can't wait for Sunday:D

Today was a good day though. Theory wasn't too boring, and I got out of my lesson half an hour early 'cause Reg(Dr. Register, but we call him Reg)had to play in someone else's lesson(his name is Ben Rowan...he's playing Mark in our production of RENT). So then I came back and did laundry and cleaned my room. Then I video chatted with Mike Schaefer for like 3 or so hours:P It was fun 'cause I could work and he could play games, and we got to hang out...without actually hanging out. But that's ok 'cause he's coming to see me on Valentines day:D

APhiO Rush Week

2010-02-11T23:02:00.002-05:00

So Jeremy and I aren't together anymore, but its ok 'cause we're still best friends and all, and nothings really changed minus the whole "in a relationship" thing :P Rush week has been going fairly well...I wrote a letter to Steve Miller to send overseas when we did our letters for soldiers thing =] Tuesdays condom flower thing was fun and a lot of people I've never seen before showed up, so this is good! Last nights event was cancelled due to the crazy blizzard, so we mixed it with the game night tonight. Tomorrow is our crazy dance party/random food relay :] I'm pretty excited for that. I have to make a playlist though of stuff to listen to:P So here's my schedule for this weekend:

Friday
9-10 Music Theory 1
10-11 Lesson
11-1 Clean/Laundry
1-2 Lunch
2-230 Math Quiz/Homework
230-3 Aural Skills Homework
3-330 Intro to World Music Reading
330-4 Theory 1 Homework
4-530 Practice
530-630 Dinner
7-8 Meeting
8-10/11 APO Dance Rush Party =]

Saturday
12-1 Brunch
1-2 Ed Found Homework
2-230 Finish math
230-3 Ed Found again
3-4 Practice/Sight-singing
4-9 Athletic Band

Sunday
?-Brunch
Sometime before 3-Singing Valentine=]
Hanging out with Mike Schaefer 'cause he's coming down to see me:D
3-TBS Invitational
5ish-Dinner at Perkins with Meghan, Mike, Erin, and Amanda(and maybe Jeremy?)
6-something-9 Movies!!(seeing Valentine's Day ON Valentine's Day :P
Then hanging out with Mike till he feels like leaving:P

So yeah....this weekend will be full of homework, but way exciting:P Thats all for now!

Happy....6 more weeks of winter...day...

2010-02-02T21:18:00.002-05:00

So nothing too great(besides Jeremy) has happened since I've gotten back...especially not since I've last posted. Classes are going well...here's what we're doing in them now:

Music Theory 1-We've just finished Aural ID on simple/compound music, and we've learned all about time signaures(ex. simple duple....not just 4 beats per measure type of stuff). According to the course schedule, tomorrow we're supposed to start major key signature stuff, which I already know, so this'll be an easy week for me:)

Piano Class 2-I definitely love this more than piano 1. True, even the little songs we're playing are harder and will take a lot more work, but this time last year we were playing only on right hand, and there were no skips in intervals, and it took us a whole class to "learn" what each note on the piano was. Now we're on two-octave scales and chord progressions and its actually fun. I'm hoping if I work hard enough that eventually I'll be able to play the piano parts to songs...like my Rascal Flatts Bless the Broken Road song.

Percussion Class-So until yesterday, the only thing we've been doing it taking notes, which isn't bad since theres not really much to learn about hitting a triangle and stuff like that:P We've moved on to snare though, so we get to use sticks and a practice pad in class tomorrow working with rhythms.

Ed Found for Middle & HS-This class is really boring...I might die:P But so far its basically pretty easy. You take notes on each chapter, and we have quizzes just about once a week on it...like 5 questions. Also, we have to do observation hours, which I already have to do for music ed anyhow, so at least that'll be done. It'll be good to get them done a year before they need to be in...so then I just have to worry about my Praxis Exams and my Upper Division Jury at the end of next year. Anyhow, for this class the last three things we have to do are 1)Read 4 professional journal articles and fill out this form thats on Blackboard, 2)Do Education In The News articles and responses, and finally 3)we have to either attend a speaker presentation when theres one on campus, attend a school board meeting(which is what I'll probably do), or take a Praxis 1 exam. I dont remember if we have to do one or two of that third thing...if its two then I'll go to a school board meeting and attend a speaker thing. So yeah basically this class will hopefully be a breeze.

Symphonic Band-This is fun, but sometimes annoying. Theres 7 flutes(1 is meghan who is on piccolo most of the time) and I'm first chair:) (but i sit in the second one cause Dr. Toney wanted picc on the end..which I've never seen happen before but apparently it does). We're playing a piece called Masque, which is way fast and I'm the only Flute 1, so I have the even higher stuff:P So we have this insanely fast 16-time-repeated bar of high-A constant(mostly) sixteenth notes and I get tired so fast, but its fun:P Also, we're playing a piece called Homage, which we've only played through once or twice and its not my favorite. The last one for now is called something along the lines of "On the banks of bonnie doon." That one's really pretty and I absolutely love it:)

Flute Lessons-I've only had one so far, my next one is on Friday. I have an etude, a Telemann Fantasia, and three other pieces that I cant remember off the top of my head(one is Offertoire). We're also going to work on the Octet I'm in on flute(but its the oboe 1 part) and also my alto flute stuff for woodwind ensemble. Also, I'm learning all natural and harmonic minor scales and arpeggios...and also dominant seventh..arpeggios or chords or whatever they are.

Intro to World Music-There hasn't been much for this since it's an online course. I got a 100 on my African Music quiz :D Now comes the Caribbean unit and theres a writing assignment for it, so at least its something more than just reading and taking a test.

Aural Skills 1-I LOVE this class. I mean yes right now we're only learning ascending perfect 4ths, 5ths, and octaves and then random melodic dictation and easy sightsinging but it's loads of fun and I'm excited to keep working on all of it. I was told how hard this was and that many people fail it, so hopefully my inner ear will love me and learn to hear everything and respond to it:P

Seminar/Studio/Woodwind Ensemble/MENC-So as I said last semester, Applied Music Seminar is only every other Tuesday, and MENC meetings take up the other tuesdays. Today in seminar we heard the lovely Brooke Maxwell play something pretty on piano :) Then we had an MENC meeting about the PMEA conference in pittsburgh in april:D I'm so excited to be going 'cause Mr. Buetzow my high school director will be speaking on that thursday:) But anyhow, thursdays are studio/Rep. days where the woodwinds go to our little room and play for each other and comment. But since this was the only time everyones available, its now when we do woodwind ensemble stuff, and I get to play ALTO FLUTE!!! :D

Wind Ensemble-This is so much fun:D We're playing Scenes from the L'ouvre(spelling?) which is five movements, and during the concert Dr. Toney is gonna get popular paintings to be projected onto the walls of the auditorium and it'll look so cool. Also, George Washington Bridge is our grade 5 piece and there'll be random bridge pictures projected in the concert. The Solitary Dancer is next and its really pretty(i think..we havent played it in a while, haha) and during the concert Dr. Toney is getting a ballerina to dance around the stage as we play, so that'll be exciting. Then theres Rhapsody for Flute, which Dr. Register is the flute soloist for:P Then the woodwinds have the Octet Partita and theres a Brass piece for them.

Concert Choir-LOVE. I cant remember all the songs we're doing...but my favorite is called Sitivit Anima Mea and its so much fun to sing. Conversion of Saul isnt too bad, its very loud and chant-y, and Homeland is fun too. Im an alto 2, so i sit in the back right next to all the guys and they're loads of fun:D

Excursions Math-So I love math when I understand it, I won't lie:P It's so much fun to solve all this stuff we're doing...and Excursions is amazing. The first day we learned about the Fibonnacci Sequence and how to figure out higher up numbers in the list. Comparing it to real life stuff is interesting, like today we worked with exponential growth and put it with teacher salaries, so its easier to learn with stuff like that. I have to come in 10 minutes late to this class because of choir, and he never minds, and when homework is due, if you dont understand a few of the problems, he'll work with you after class so then you can understand it and fix it before you turn the work in.

So there's my classes:D NOW...on to the extra stuff

Athletic Band-So when my piccolo decides to work, its fun to play:P Basketball games arent as fun as football ones(obviously) but the boys game is way more intense than the girls so its not that bad:P It doesnt seem like a 5 hour commitment Wednesday nights and Saturdays:P

Alpha Phi Omega-RUSH WEEK NEXT WEEK!!:D
Monday-Writing letters to soldiers at the information booth in Gemmell Student Complex
Tuesday-Condom Flowers(don't ask...i dont know either)
Wednesday-Edible playdough and puppy chow making party:D
Thursday-Extreme Twister, board/card games, Apples to Apples etc.
Friday-DANCE/Karaoke Party!:]

I'm pretty excited about helping to run a rush week:)

So other than all that, I've gotten my friend Meghan addicted to Next to Normal, and BrianMaul is going to listen to it, and he'll end up falling in love with it cause he likes twisted musicals:P Yeah not much else...I've been working on a Professional Journal Article Response for like 5 hours now:P Now that I'm done with my blog post, I'm going to finish it and then go to bed so thats all for now!

The Game of Things

2010-01-25T01:23:00.002-05:00

So I love my social life :D Alpha Phi Omega, pep band, and hanging out with everyone all the time is amazing:D I love my friends....we've been having game nights all week and its awesome just seeing everyone, and so far I've split the time up pretty well between everyone...except Dylan 'cause he's been away or busy and I havent seen him much. I just finished my theory homework for 9am, so I'm blogging and not going to sleep yet:P So here's my list of homework to do, in order of my class schedule:
Music Theory 1- Time Signature ID
Piano Class 2-Practice scales
Percussion Class-none...bought my practice pad and sticks:D
Ed Found for Middle and HS-None???
Symphonic Band-Practice Music
Flute Lessons-Natural Minor Scales and Arpeggios
Aural Skills 1-Melodic Dictation Chapter 1 Section A, and Sightsinging 2.1-2.5
Seminar-Start going to performances...copyright quiz? and MUED Blog Comment
Wind Ensemble-Practice Scenes from the Louvre, rhapsody for flute, dancer, and george washingtons bridge
Concert Choir-Start memorizing music
Excursions Math-List of problems
Woodwind Ensemble-NONE
Intro To World Music-Readings and Listening
Other: practice athletic band music on piccolo...blah.
So yeah....this is going to be a very busy semester with classes and athletic band(for a few weeks anyhow) and APhiO, but it'll hopefully be fun nonetheless.

I'm Back!

2010-01-18T17:49:00.002-05:00

So I'm super happy to be back at school again. I loved seeing all my friends at home, and I already miss them again. BUT.....I <3 this semester already. As soon as I got there we unloaded all my stuff and then went to the bookstore so my sister could get some clarion clothes. Then my parents/Aimee got to meet one of my good friends Jeremy(who now just happens to be my boyfriend:P) After that I hung out with Jeremy for a while, and then we went to go visit friends. Later that night we all played Ninja again and then Red Rover:) I'm super sore from that, but it was still amazing to play haha.

Classes start tomorrrow, and I'm super super excited :D I'm a little nervous but I'm always nervous about first days of classes:P

POKE Explosion!

2010-01-12T00:48:00.002-05:00

So on Facebook tonight, my friend Meghan poked me in an IM multiple times, but facebook yelled at her because the message was too long, so she moved it to a wall post. so I told her I'd get her back and a war had started. So she made it her status that told everyone who was friends with me to poke me. So now there's a massive poke explosion on my Facebook and I just had to tell you abot it =]

I finished my Human Biology class!!! I think I'll end up with a B in it, which is cool with me. I went to SPEP with Virginia today and we had an awesome time talking about college and boys and stuff :) I need to write in my journal after I finish this, because I'm very behind with writing in that. I also went to Youth Group last night, which was kinda boring, but still fun too:)

Falling Snow

2010-01-08T02:23:00.001-05:00

I take a glance out the open window
Looking up at the sky.
I watch the small cold white specks
Come falling ever so softly to the ground.
I reach extend my arm outside, hoping to catch a snowflake.
Waiting patiently, I see a few drift themselves right into my hand.
The beauty of every little snowflake is something exquisite,
Like each one was handcrafted by God.
As I admire these small creative masterpieces,
They all start to melt away, and dry into my hand.
How I wish my troubles could do the same,
Just melt away and disappear as if they never existed.
Then with just a small brush of wind and a shiver,
I am brought back into the cold truths of the world.

The Time-Traveler's Wife

2010-01-08T01:39:00.002-05:00

Still nothing too different going on. I went to the high school to visit with Zak Parks today. We had a pretty good time I guess:P In the middle, we went to lunch at the food court with Keith Born, which was entertaining. It was good to go back and see people again. I always love seeing everyone :)

So I'm reading The Time Traveler's Wife, and I've only gotten a little bit into it but so far it's actually kind of interesting. As of right now, I definitely want to see the movie after it comes out on DVD. It's cute and has some unexpected things in it that makes me gain a greater interest in it.

I'm also reading a Dear America book; this one's called Across the Wide and Lonesome Prairie. It's about this girl Hattie Campbell and her family making a trip from Missouri to Oregon on the Oregon Trail. I've read it a few times, but it's one of those books I took to college, but brought home to read over break. And if I finish it, then I can just leave it here.

Human Biology is still continuing to go generally well. I got another 9/10 on a test, which gives me an 86 or something in the class. Dr Smith is letting us re-submit a few assignments to get more points if we fix whatever he emailed us that needed fixed. So I'm hoping I can work on all that editing and end up with an A in the class:]

That's all for now I think. 10 days till I go back to school! :D

Same old, same old

2010-01-05T23:27:00.003-05:00

Nothing good is happening, so sorry this isn't very entertaining, but at least I'm keeping up with blogging. I suppose until I get back to having a social life at school, I could blog every other couple days, since these are sort of boring, but whatever. I practiced my flute today!! :P And I got a 9/10 on my test yesterday, and I'm finishing up an assignment in a few minutes, and maybe even starting the next one since I have nothing better to do. I can't wait to get back to school, I miss everyone, and having a life:P

Off to a good start

2010-01-04T11:33:00.002-05:00

These first couple days have been awesome.
january 1st
I woke up at around 12:12, realizing that would be the 24 hour mark for the next day that I would have to reach. I didn't do much, some science homework I think was about it. I ate the usual New Year's pork and sauerkraut(spelling?) good luck dinner or whatever. Then I went to Eat N' Park with Andrea, KZ, and Blair, but I only had cheesesticks cause I wasn't that hungry. Then I went to Miranda's house for her Birthday party, which was a blast. It was nice seeing a bunch of my friends again, and we made the usual super-sugary Blue Kool-Aid at 3am:D The night was full of good times and giggles, and absolutely no sleep:)

January 2nd
When I got home I worked on more science and just hung out for a bit, and then we all went to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. After I had finally made it to 30 hours of no sleep(i was trying for 36), my dad made me go to bed because I was zoning out watching something. So sleep was the rest of my night.

January 3rd
Yesterday was a lazy day=P I wrote in my journal and finished my science, so I was somewhat productive? haha. I went to youth group though:) I missed it a whole lot, and I'm glad I got to see people again.

Today I've just been hanging out talking to my new friend Jeremy, and Libby but I always talk to her:P I have to take a bio test sometime today, I may take it soon just to get it over with. Yeah that's about it for now, nothing too big happening.

2010

2010-01-01T00:05:00.001-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!:D A new decade too while we're at it:P

Schedules and Grades=D

2009-12-15T09:48:00.003-05:00

Ok so I've had to fix my schedule so many times that I had decided to wait until now to post it. So here it is:
Winter Intersession 2009
Human Biology(online)

Spring 2010
Mondays
9-950: Music Theory 1
11-1150: Piano Class 2
1-150: Percussion Class
2-315: Ed. Found. for Middle & HS
4-530: Symphonic Band

Tuesdays
930-1020: Aural Skills 1
11-12: Applied Music Seminar
2-315: Wind Ensemble
330-5: Concert Choir
5-615: Excursions Math

Wednesdays
9-950: Music Theory 1
11-1150: Piano Class 2
1-150: Percussion Class
2-315: Ed Found for Middle & HS
4-530: Symphonic Band

Thursdays
930-1020: Aural Skills 1
11-12: Woodwind Studio(Applied Music Seminar)
2-315: Wind Ensemble
330-5: Concert Choir
5-615: Excursions Math

Fridays
9-950: Music Theory 1

Other Classes:TBA
Intro to World Music(Online)

Flute Lessons
Woodwind Ensemble
--both once a week for about an hour...probably both on Fridays

So Human Biology so far hasn't been too bad. I have a B in the class 'cause the tests are a little difficult. My goal is to have a B in the class in the end(though an A would be amazing:P) We have "WebQuests" once or twice per chapter and just answer a set of questions using only internet sources. We also have to print off the powerpoints for the designated chapters and write a small description on the message in each slide. Then we take a test on the chapter...and that's the whole class.

Grade time!
Writing 2-D :(
Foundations of Musicianship-A
Piano Class 1-A
Applied Flute Lessons-A
Marching Band-A
Brass Class-C
Applied Music Seminar-Pass
Educational Psychology-A
US History to 1877-C

So my overall GPA for the start of college is a 2.94, which doesn't round up...so that's a little disappointing=\ Hopefully the A or B I get in Human Biology will bring it up to a solid 3.0 so I won't be worrying as much. I thought I was going to get a D in history, since I had to get a 98 or higher on the last test to get a C in the class. I obviously somehow managed that...or it was close enough and the professor saw I improved tremendously and gave me a few extra points to bring the grade up:P Writing...we never knew what we got on anything except the bigger essays in the class, and she didnt grade on wether you did it, it was only on how well it was written. Poems and stories I can do, essays...not so much=\ And Brass Class...well....Wardlaw taught it, so you arent expected to get a high grade, even though actual brass players got higher grades than the rest of us. So theres the worse grades. But can I mention how much I <333 all those A's?:P I've never seen that many before! haha. Well yeah senior year I did pretty awesome grade-wise:P

New Years's Resolutions...I rarely remember to look back at the post on them and see what I've improved on or changed. I decided to really truly attempt to keep up with everything, and I don't want to change myself completely, but I'd like to change a few things.

1-Take more pictures- I got a new camera just today, so obviously I need to break it in:P I love taking pictures, and now at the end of each semester, I'm going to put my favorites on a CD and get prints done so I can put them all over my walls:P

2-Write More-I wrote two or three poems while at school, and lost the first two, which I was really upset about 'cause I thought they were not that bad. I may try NaNoWriMo again in November, since I didn't this year. So there's all that, I want to blog more...like not once in a while when amazing or terrible things happen, but even just once a week would be good. I bought a new journal too, and I want to update that once a week at the minimum....hopefully I'll take a little time out to write in it once a day or every other day.

3-Learn new things-I can't set a specific goal for this like once a month or anything, and I wouldn't set a number either. But like, I want to learn to do tricks on those Chinese yo-yos(diablos) and finish learning to juggle three/four balls:P Stuff like that. Maybe this year I can finish solving a Rubiks Cube:P

4-Organize more-My room at home is a mess when I'm home, so that definitely needs fixed. At school, I really should take a few minutes each day and tidy up a little:p That and I need to plan things out better.

5-Read More-I read a total of one book this fall semester. That's REALLY REALLY bad compared to my usual amount I read. I brought a ton of books up there. New goal=1 book for every two or three weeks. That's a lot of time for one book, so I should be able to do it. I figured I need to wind down in the evening anyways, so I think I'll take time out each night to read a few chapters and also write in my journal. that may de-stress me more:)

6-Time management-I need to sort out priorities more:P In the beginning of the fall, I spent way more time with friends and not doing any school work and barely getting it done on time. I eventually started doing better at managing time, but still had trouble. I definitely want to hang out with friends more, but also get more work done. I need to spend more time practicing flute and piano, and luckily I don't have a brass instrument to learn anymore, which might help a little bit.

So yeah....there they are for now. If I think of any others, I'll edit them in:D I'm gonna go watch the Real World now:D